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John M Bertao Apr 29
I'm a man of a thousand hardships
Experiencing pain is nothing new
Often due to the hands of others
All the **** they've put me through

But I've made good some goals despite it
Dodged the paths of unchanging misery
Even now things are looking brighter
And yet I still feel something obstructing

It was mostly you before
But now, maybe it's me
And my recent refusal
To take responsibility
Maybe it's just me
Causing my own agony
Problems won't solve themselves
I need to get up

I could spend a thousand hours judging you
And the pointless pain you put me through
But I have legs that can still move
And I can walk out of I'm willing to choose

So maybe it's mainly me
I haven't taken responsibility
Unwittingly added to my agony
And shaped my own dark destiny
So if it's now just on me
If I can admit to my faults
And say to my old ways, "No".
Some of my problems may just go
Year unknown, but written at least 4 years ago. I made some edits today to polish it up.
When I needed your help
You left me here, alone
And I was left to wither
In sickly wretchedness
The body’s not working
Yet the mind keeps racing
So sleep’s not coming
And you won’t, either

So I lie on my bed
Just me and a bible
While I’m left to wonder
How much I can endure
I'm stuck here alone
In a forced freedom
Shut in and forlorn

I thought I would have you
If I really needed it
But today you couldn’t
(Your own **** to go through)
And in such helplessness
It makes me wonder
If I’ve become a child
Without a mother

Very late in the night
I prayed to that father,
"Just let me fall asleep!"
(And to be just, I did)
I embraced a dark dream
A past and present lust
And soon woke in fatigue
With my life in the dust

During our toughest days
Don’t we need someone
To keep us from Hades?
But all I have is a God
(And all my fleshly pain)
Yet that's my only means
To keep this mind sane

I’m left to wonder
In a tired, troubled state
If I’ll get through it
(Don't want it to be too late)
I lift up my head
And prop it on a pillow
While staring at my bible
On a half-empty bed
This poem was written in 2014 after a fairly serious lung infection and a breakup less than a month later. I've made small changes to it over the past few years.
John M Bertao Mar 26
As I was walking outside
Wrapped in a thick, black jacket
I was beckoned by the park
It was shining a sparkling white
Despite the darkness of the night

I stepped in and I could feel
Powder-soft snow under my feet
I reached down to grip its gentleness
But as I held it in my hand
It burned my skin like hot sand

From above, a few flakes fell
Brightening the sky like little lamps
And soon, they lit everywhere
Until its delightful density
Formed a bright-bounded screen

As the snow crept inside me
I shook uncomfortably
And longed for my lone home
“In there it's clear and dry
Out here I shouldn't roam.”

Soon after I arrived at home
The snowfall ceased
Its veil fell to the ground
No light was around me
Just a white monotony
I shook and felt the cold
Inside me
I originally wrote this in 2012 for a creative writing class. I've made small changes to it over the years, and after some edits today I feel ready to share it.

— The End —