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Joell Bambi May 2013
The anger swells inside me; a hurt unrivalled, do I wish to seek out revenge?
Revenge on who?!
The monster smothers me until I can no longer see, hear, breathe!
Controls me.
I am no longer sure if it becomes me or I become it,
I see no beginning and no end.
Infinite aching so deep within my chest that it threatens to consume me until there is no longer me!
Can't they see?!
It's drowning me in an ocean of tears and pain and confusion.
It's too late.
Joell Bambi May 2013
I watch you in your sleep.
Beautiful; restless.
That's when I love you most, when you're not on that pedestal.
You're as damaged as I am behind that mask.
I wonder what it is you're so afraid of; I already know.

We're the same you and I. Same fears.
Best friends.
Both holding a heart we don't own,
In our hands.
Toying with it. Better to hurt than be hurt.
Right? Okay I'll go left.

There was no pain when it left the body.
But watching you play with it. Wow.
That hurt.
I forget sometimes that you made it.
It was always yours.
My biggest strength is a bigger weakness.
Takes. Takes. Takes.
Exhausting.
But have it.

You never understand what I'm saying, and you hate my poems.
You probably won't understand this.
What I'm saying is I love you and I hate you.
Come home, please.
Joell Bambi May 2013
There will come a time, when heaven holds too many and we all shall be sent to hell.
They'll pack us in like cattle for the slaughter,
Too many ghosts wander around beside me.
The day cannot come too soon.

Well the road to happiness is not paved with wonder, but years of tears to see if you deserve.
Those that hasten it will fear what they find,
Those of us who slumber will revel in the sun.

A joyous occasion to die in such loveliness;
As the beauty decays, new ones will grow.
They'll muse at the flowers
That root within our skulls,
And draw poetry and write art.
Joell Bambi May 2013
We could do it all our own way.
But will they say we've lost our minds?
Maybe time has been too harsh on you darling; your face is mapped with lines.
They tell a story of where you've been, well
You never seem to look behind.
Maybe some things are best forgotten.

You've been scared of love for far too long.
My father taught me it was wrong - to trip someone if you weren't gonna catch them.
Your fickle heart is growing weary;
Afraid of how quickly the time passes by.
I do not think that you have learned to love me.
I know your soul does not yearn for me,
But somehow I have become a habit.

The sun and moon move in circles, both at loss for what's before.
What's behind?
Mourning what they have lost.
I sometimes think the angels, with their pure hearts, would scare the devils just as much.
My lonely heart echoes around these 4 walls.

They say I should learn to let you go, so I need you now more than I did before.
My best friend.
But the words will not run off my tongue.
What a mess we have made.
Joell Bambi May 2013
I wonder when it is your coming home.
I sit and watch endless sunsets.
The sun never rises; I'm always too late.
Sometimes I feel you rocking my chair - a sign?
You will come home won't you?
I keep writing you letters.

Poor you. Poor me.
Pour me? Into the ocean.
Into love. Us.
I'd thought for a while you were fixing me.
A mirror smashes,
You put it back together.
There were always shards missing.
So small but infinitely important.
And the second time
it's even harder.
To piece together.
More blood
Spilling
Tears?
Joell Bambi May 2013
You're looking far ahead; I keep looking over my shoulder.
In my head I've left you so many times.
It can't be over?
It's not fair that I'm the only one who's broken.

I guess it was in my head along.
Every second, minute, hour, day; a lie?

And I didn't want to write you poems.
You don't deserve to hear my songs,
But, somehow, you're the only words that roll off my tongue.
How can something so beautiful be so evil?

Emotions run in black ink, black mascara, black clothes.
Jaded.
Anger swells in torn fabrics and unspoken words; eyes will see.
Did I ever mean anything?

Just like my father.
Stealing love you don't deserve.
'Replaceable' you said.
I would have stopped time herself for you.
Joell Bambi May 2013
What felt like fate was just a chance meeting,
Could have been forever.
Honestly fleeting.
Well you fled the scene of the crime, with no guilty conscience?
I won't be the one with the broken heart.

Seems the gun was in my hand all along.
Holding the trigger, pointing at you, pointing at me.
We swore our undying allegiance.
Now you yearn to be set free?!
Of this oath we swore; of love and life.
Oh what a beautiful way to die,
At the hands of my beloved.

Somehow you got under my skin,
A lethal poison, setting in.
Somehow you've made me feel like I'm alone.
But I'll paint you in my poetry, and hope the world will forgive me,
For my biggest sin.

With my tired bones and aching flesh:
I'll tear your heart out of your chest.
Maybe I can save your soul.
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