I’d rather be the puppeteer...
Than be the face and live in fear!
Knowing I make an impact is enough. Recognition is nice but not necessary.
Scope the foe...
Just ******* go!
What if though...
The threat’s yourself
In better health?
Or you’ve won repute
But now must execute?
Success has smells
And time it tells.
Believe your truth; truth’s no such thing
The funding keeps us caroling.
They can’t all be hits
Yet still I play;
I don’t write for you people
The irony of poetry is that the best is selfless and authentic which also means the audience is narrow in a world obsessed by likes and loves - stay authentic though and eventually you find your tribe
Busy is as busy does
But this as busy as ever was
They believe me now
**** - holy cow!
Investment - wow!
Culture change - how?
So many choices
So many voices
So much noise
To overtone the joys
Yet now we’re set on the right ******* track
There be no ******* looking back
We’re no longer snoring
Let’s collaborate and get to work
No more campaigning
Quite frankly it’s draining
This is no longer a thing to shirk.
Let’s set the world on fire.
Let’s be on that same ******* page
Let’s win despite any internal rage.
We will see another age.
Stop screaming at me at midnight
Old lady - if you want friends
Your demands are out of line
And you’ll be evicted lacking amends.
I shall pet you during normal business hours
And love upon you may you forecast showers
But if tonight you don’t let me ******* sleep
Those nine lives may be one life less deep.
I jest somewhat - I love this 16yo cat but her recent habit of yowling for attention in the middle of the night I decidedly don’t love. Like having another infant!
One.. two.. three.. four..
Opportunity at your door!
Two.. four.. six.. eight..
Best open up - it’s getting late!
Slick snake oil shill
Or earnest saint?
A means to ****
Or means to taint?
Who does one trust
If oneself not
If information sought
Not yet’s been brought?
**** it’s hot.
It’s not so dire!
Not all choices be ice verses fire.
Decisions tried can be reversed
And in 2019 - failure’s not a curse.
and if need be adjust your course
And when you fall
(Because you will)
Get back on your freaking horse.
You are a force.
The only path to see what you might be
Is simply to try - this sets you free.
Importance verses urgency
The epic battle -
Let’s just play and see!
The monster presentation
To solidify my station
Somehow magically dwarfed
By the kid at school who barfed.
The career prayers
Stymied by the kid with night terrors
And the screenplay you didn’t write
Holding a child’s hand til light.
Maybe now is not your time
Maybe your purpose is simply to rhyme
Maybe the waiting you invest
Is because that kid you comfort is simply the best.
Maybe your choices
Enable their voices.
As your own parents sacrificed
So your life
Was not defined by strife.
Writing for free
But maybe inspiring few
Is more than most even aspire to
The math is enough
But perhaps they will one day discover
One day their silly mom was under cover
And they will be proud.
Next time I solipsisticly question my impact
Or dramatize or overreact
Remind me that due to tech lives can be lost
And hubris pays the ultimate cost.
In which I watch the first episode of Chernobyl and realize at least I’m not sending people to their death via radiation poisoning. Holy ******* ****. And here I whine about usability. It puts things in context for sure.
Granted my wish
I’ll still know there should be more
That what we have’s not enough
That though delivering some stuff
The marketing don’t match what we bore.
Slay the messenger?
I hope not.
Do you want the truth or do you not?
Fairy tales don’t make sales.
We can learn from these fails.
But is it only on me?
Do you see what I see?
Numbers don’t disagree
Feedback’s this weeks’s homily.
Unless you want all this be spent in jest
To fix it now we must invest..
This is not just for me that this be best
I’m just the latest to be stressed.
I’m terrified to take the blame
For such an awful yet true claim
Please understand my only aim
Is to protect YOUR - not mine -name.
Such a shame.
Transparency should not be scary.
Trouble I am...
And it be me.
For a future better
What be mine ill
For such guarantee?
The fear of change..
And it be not free.
Change is hard. So busy but need to write.
Stealthily stealing seconds
Of adrenaline accomplishment
Your high heightened heinously
By your cocaineish currency.
I want to see you work.
Work for me I beg you
Do my bidding and I’ll stop
Once the code continuously flows through ops.
Then I’ll sleep;
Perchance I’ll dream
That the devil vanquished be the last
And some new shiny tech won’t hook me fast.
Then I’ll sleep;
The obsession put to rest
Can I resist the next new test?
Can a normal life I live
Can to this itch not in I give?
Tech moves so fast that it’s easy to want to be on the cutting edge of each cool new breakthrough but there is a cost.
It took me a second second
To realize the second missed.
To initiate the quest
To again pass the test
lets do this
National poetry writing month 2019.
Starting the 2nd still good right?
I’d rather lose the bet I’m bound to
Than stick around to
Like Phoenix redeploy me
So I shan’t continue to annoy thee
And I’ll set sail.
Be brave; be bold;
But wait - do what I’m told?
Oh and also reinvent!
Yet track every single second spent?
What the heck?
But know the truth
Please let me say that sooth
Let me xform
And challenge every norm
And trust I have us both in mind
When recommendations out of my lane I find.
I want the bestest for us both
I want champagne on which we’ll toast
Help me help you
And neither shall roast.
Innovation is hard.
It’s simply not a sprint; it’s a lifelong race;
choices seldom clear in any case.
It’s often tough to maintain a semblance of grace
While questioning one’s place and space.
Oh wicked time she owns her inconsistent pace -
If not careful - your dreams she can erase.
When her tentacles pull you down you must embrace
A clearer vision before you find yourself off base.
To avoid disgrace
What must we displace?
What trepidation must we face?
Which dragons must we chase?
My best work seldom trends.
Imagine the disappointment
That the lack of that annointment
To the fragile sends.
It’s sheer luck
That I don’t give a ****
And completely possible
But more likely
Some AI algorithm decides
Whether my work is seen or obscure dies.
Don’t seek validation
From social media engagement
Your audience is so diluted
The metrics so easily disputed.
Art takes it time
To connect audience to your rhyme.
Art is the power of your words.
Don’t measure it by likes nor loves or views
Or any other social cues.
Have you best expressed the sentiment you feel?
If yes then ******* my friend your art is real.
Don’t measure your worth by what social media says.
Crazy is as crazy does
But this as cray as ever was.
I hope there be a method
To this madness
Else the system
Ends in sadness.
Risk in trying;
Risk in not;
I hope this truly be
The quest you sought.
Taking the leap -
It be not cheap -
But - oh the spoils
If you can not yet fold to foils.
Keep the faith;
Make us believe...
Only through acolytes
Can you succeed.
Leadership only works if people follow you. Even when what you say sounds like blasphemy at first but is really for the greater good. I prefer simple logic as the rhetoric to get people on board but as I was writing this it seems that in some cases very persuasive people can succeed without even that - hence the title “cult”. Cults aren’t always bad right?
Sniff me disapprovingly.
Shower me with your irrational disdain.
Stare cruelly into my eyes
And challenge me -
Then wordlessly walk away.
Discount my time.
Carol me at midnight -
Your selfish song sapping me
Of sacred slumber.
Do your worst.
When you carefully
Purring prettily for pets...
I can’t resist.
Relevance is relative
You want to live
And not waste any time
But so many choices!
What to go after?
Absorb a new language?
(French? Spanish? Rust?)
Inhale some nonfiction
(On leadership? Trust?)
Play a new sport
(Tennis or some thing called - um - pickle ball?)
Catch up on politics
(How can you keep up with it all?)
Go and cloud
I’m interested in you all
But be patient with me...
I just want to write.
Should I read this book on Go (a programming language) or on how to write a screenplay or just write more lame poetry to procrastinate? :)
What must I have been thinking
(Or possibly drinking?)
I can’t cancel - they’ve arrived!
And now we must keep them alive!
Their madness now apparent
My judgment clearly errant -
Their ramblings incoherent
My frayed sanity transparent.
What happened to simple preschool toys?
How could I have anticipated the dramas and joys
Of a sleepover of 5 9-year-old boys?
First time hosting a multi kid sleepover. Lots of nerf and video games. Pretty much no sleep (hence the title)
Up super late
Think you’ll sleep all day -
Super frustrating to cope
I have to say.
It’s time for bed
The time has changed!
Our normal schedule
Can’t be rearranged.
A couple days we’ll be back to sane
Til next we go west to east by plane!
Ugh how long until we function on east coast time! :)
Stays in Vegas
Be what may..
In bed by 10
Ashamed to say!
At a new found home.
House of horrors?
A locale of fear
Or place to thrive?
Throw the dice...
No way to know
For total certain
(Despite an abundance of advice)
If this be the final destination
Your vision comes alive.
Even if it shall not be
There’s much learned
From each opportunity.
Even if your vision
Doesn’t come to pass
Take it with grace
If you still believe save face
As it doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
You just need the next opportunity to come along.
October 27 2018:
Some rando dude at Target
Without a second thought to whatever it might mean...
Innocently(?) launches a simple rando kindness -
at crazy frickin me.
“You are so beautiful”
Quickly devolves in my mind into
“You check the locks each night, don’t you?”
You are 42!
There is no earthly way
Sincerity could be at play;
Clearly there has been a mistake
For goodness’ sake..
Doesn’t he see the tired eyes;
Weariness not disguised?
Or in tow the five year old
Rejecting every wisdom ever sold?
(Or secretly; hopefully..)
Did he magically see past the caul -
Does my unbroken spirit continue to shine through it all?
Or maybe I should fall back on simplicity?
Is that so witty?
Is it possible that despite age and worldliness
I might still be kind of pretty?
What does it say about this world
That my gut reaction is to suspect
An unexpected kindness hurled?
Despite the bigger picture’s fate
It’s endless fun to just - create.
No matter if it’s prose or code
Or the world about you ready to explode
To make your production from not a thing emerge
Can only make one’s spirits surge.
Remember the childish wonders set free
In giving into your every curiosity.
And the passion that not a soul can fake
About the things you did proudly make!
I think I like writing code as a result of liking writing in general. There is so much possibility in both.
Would every frustration
Cease to exist
If I were
Ten pounds thinner?
Or might I
Be more equipped
If i just ate some freaking dinner?
Oh ‘my fitness pal’
I’m onto you now.
You aren’t my friend I guess
If you just cause me to obsess
Over every step and calorie
And of every single setback...
you must remind me constantly.
Remind me there’s way more to it all
Than being super thin
And that being healthy truly is
The only way to win.
I have been on the front lines of a stupid lifelong war with food and logic. This is a real thing even though it seems silly to people who don’t experience it. Figuring out how much you have to excercise to work off a snickers is most definitely a thing. If you get this, it’s worth it to eat and eat smartly. It will help you think more rationally.
So I slacked off today.
What can I say?
Why must you harrass me when I fail
Or on semiformed plans I tend to bail?
Your ******* mundane pointless metrics!
You throw your mud and see what sticks.
When the goals I set I start to botch -
You always catch me - Apple Watch.
So who is to blame
For the guilt?
I told you what to do
But you’ve built
Too soul *******
And mind f*cking
Shouldn’t you rein me in
When you start seeing
What must be for sure
Too **** much pressure?
Or is AI simply an extension of
Models based on the perception of
Achieving true love
I find it amusing and irritating when my watch or phone yells at me for not reaching 10000 steps a day. Yet I actually programmed it to yell at me. Ironic? Or should the data help me figure out what is realistic? The AI assisted world is going to be confusing!
To think all these rhymes
In my noggin once were trapped
Like presents unwrapped
Thoughts not fully formed..
What else might there be
If I were set free
To write with all my might?
Or would that freedom
Mean I lose my muse
And my will to shout?
Would I become a sell-out?
Or channel the lame sad clown.
To be taken seriously
You must be deliriously
(Or - Hopped up - a mystic?)
(challenge anything at all - I double dare you!)
Fear calling any *****
When while you don’t
Those in need lack aide.
Who are you really?
It is super cute
To employ the rhetoric
But not execute.
Don’t be the clown -
The clown is too easy.
Be the change agent
And make them truly see.
Sniffles and snuffles go away
And fever - though I know you didn’t plan it -
Quite fishy may a sick day look
After a 10 day vacation, **** it!
Long vacations or breaks almost always end with me sick, no exceptions this time! Still worth it though :)
I’d rather be witty
And real and clever
Than simple and pretty
And 17-ish forever.
I’d rather be wiser
And challenge the fools
Than an advertiser
Luring the cheapest of drools.
I’d rather solve complex issues
Of technology and life
Than have some tool hand me tissues
Pondering insignificant strife.
Given the choice
I’d rather live
With the world hearing my voice
Than the grave alternative.
If I compose a clever yet cheesy poem
Or the quintessential white hat attack -
If they each serve their intended function
Am I an artist? Or just a hack?
What is art? :)
When you can be
Or at least progress :)
This is the end, my friend....
Or should I say - frenemy...
As your passive aggressive *******
Has evolved from concerning to bourgeoisie.
You are testing the limits of my empathy
By suggesting my ignorance or apathy.
Please cease and desist
And just let me assist.
Please don’t undermine my assertions
And trust I’ve put adequate work in
And weighed every important aspect
Before I dare to reject
What you consider already perfect.
I do my homework; do you?
The picture is bigger than me and you.
Your expertise I would value long
If your perspective on this was not so wrong.
What I wouldn’t do to see you come around
And see logic and reason and back down.
Please don’t defend the status quo
Though the true path forward is uncharted
The destination could be better
So just shush - and let’s get started!
When your plans fail that ***** - but if you don’t try something different (even if that is hard or means admitting you were wrong) you won’t ever fix it!
This ball of mine...
home should I take?
Or push for victory
For which I ache?
I can chart our path!
For goodness sake
Just let me guide you -
and we’ll all soon eat cake!
I can’t shake that if we don’t all wake soon
We will find there’s too much at stake!
Or that it’s too late!
What is my culpability
If failure becomes reality?
If my vision
Doesn’t become decision?
If my persuasion
Does not change the conversation?
Am I mad or an imposter?
A narcissistic double crosser?
Or an earnest soul who wants to just do right
And has an inkling of the map within her sight?
Grant me the strength
This war to wage
And not to yield to trolls
When they engage!
How do you convince people you aren’t crazy when you radically (but appropriately) want to challenge the status quo?
Bring solutions with your problems
So wisely taught was I -
That I expect as much from others -
And thought on this mantra I could rely.
I don’t mind assuming accountability
If you aren’t confident or if you’re shy.
But not being a power monger I still need you!
Your longer experience informs mine.
What kind of culture must there be
If the smartest people don’t feel free
To take any risk that could potentially fail?
And only the surest ideas can set sail?
Everyone loves the short.
The declared (unearned) success
Is so tempting
It’s used to excess.
You can only make so many cuts
Before your victories are outweighed by debts.
And is it not way more fun
To know you truly won?
To know your house
Is not made of cards?
That you can truly regard
The mess as done?
Don’t be a ****.
Just do the work!
PSA on why doing something right the first time is better.
I can’t lie.
I wish my sweet
Beach week vacation
Was scheduled for July!
Ugh - not a stellar poem more a vent - gotta wait until the last week of August! Countdown is on.
If I teach you to fish
Will you do it?
Or will you remind me
That my teaching doesn’t fully yield your expertise?
And when you fail to seize
Success - simply yelp
That docs aren’t enough to help?
Or will you blame process or my people
For your team’s devovlement in sheeple?
I want discourse and not dissent
I want progress and not lament.
I want proactiveness and common ground -
I want you to fish well - when I can’t be found.
I need you to step up - this ain’t just some punt.
I need you to fish - so I can learn to hunt.
I have always loved the idea of an end goal to any role should be to do everything you can to make yourself obsolete - that way you can keep doing and learning new things yourself! You do need to have people you can trust though to take over the thing you want to move on from - not always a given.
How do we optimize for...
The most talented engineer in the world
Into third-world existensionalism hurled.
Needing more to provide for immediate family
Than solving greater criseses of humanity -
Should their ultimate potential remain unfurled?
Or an artist - who through his or her art unites
Races and genders. - who through talent reduces fright?
Who due to geolocation is marginalized
Or more likely - is exploited and politicized
And in the end disillusion becomes their plight?
How do we optimize for...
Value to most.. being a deciding factor?
Over being a cause of the day to some ex-actor?
What if we were compensated by value to humanity rather than economical pressures? How many people would make different choices about what they do every day?
Not expecting the rush..
Not expecting this chance to dance another day.
Not expecting the chance...
To finally ask which way is up.
And finally hearing the answer.
And knowing exactly where to go.
For any concerned readers this is not a current state of mind (but not total fiction, years ago I was diagnosed with major depression and overcame it so definitely empathy here) but the recent celebrity suicides have made me wonder - what if their failure to succeed or even better earlier recognition they were in trouble could have been the catalyst to either destimatizing depression rather than their success? Why is depression or anxiety considered to be weak when practically every person I have ever met has dealt with it to some degree? How do we change this?
“You said xyz.”
Did I really?
Could I have forgotten
Or changed my tune
So much these words
I don’t think I’d say
I might once have strewn?
Or are you banking
On my failure to document
And my learning curve
For convenient blame
When you fail
To rightly play the game?
This time I’ll allow doubt
A misunderstanding perhaps?
But be aware...
If indeed your claim
And aim to blame
Should pan out to be
A shameful ruse -
If you ever pull this **** again -
And that’s why you should always take notes.
Sadly, perfection is unattainable, my friends.
“Better” will evermore exist.
The balance between these... and your “good enough”
Is the calculation of your risk.
(This is simply... reality.)
Your “good enough” will be subjective.
Your “good enough” will be your bar.
It’s how you will judge the efforts of others.
It will define who you know YOU are.
Please stay true to your “good enough”...
Please stay true to your ideal.
Please keep the faith even when you are tried...
Please don’t allow others that faith to steal.
and don’t fear the coward’s bite.
Don’t let the failings of others influence your sight.
Don’t take flight
When you know there may be a fight.
(I swear - You are too bright to let that spite dim your light!)
I know it can be scary..but seriously -
When you are right...let yourself be right.
I strive for excellence in what I do but I also know that there is a middle ground in the achievable especially when dates by which something must be done can’t move. What I can’t abide though is when people try to take advantage of my empathetic nature or try to make me change the bar when it’s clear they ******* up. Not cool - this is really about reminding myself that I shouldn’t change the rules just because someone else f’ed up and furthermore it’s pretty ****** if they try to manipulate me into lowering my standards to cover their ***.
It’s all relative.
And countless others that feel the same.
Talent can’t beat
There is a magic to choice
And finding that voice
That reaches your heart...
That resembles true art.
That makes you survive and come alive.
When I was in high school, the local college radio station was my poetry to the mainstream drivel. There was this show called “Eric’s Awful Show” that played the funny and avant garde - the Ministry and Primus and Dr Demento and even Weird Al and it made me feel normal to find the humor in the mundane, the power of spin and perspective. And this connection - no matter how abstract or tenuous - reminded me that it’s okay - even better sometimes -to express even the difficult things with a degree of humor. As long as it is done so with a modicum of respect. And it also reminded me that true art shouldn’t ever be measured by commercial success - and there are times it will be worth mining for those diamonds in the rough. That sometimes weird is definitely the best!
The light show
Through the glass pane slashes
To the quintessential percussion -
The hypnotic snare ratatatatatatatat;
The confident progression
And later recession
of the old bass drum.
And I can only muse
What a dark shame it will be
If my power -
And my network connectivity -
Ode to the lame hypocrisy of being able to recognize the poetic beauty of a thunderstorm but still want the latest episode of a show on my DVR in the morning.
Maybe YOU are someone’s hero.
I had this REALLY surreal experience in that a younger colleague said they aspired to be like me..which is SO weird to me as I think I’m still working at figuring it out! I’m not even sure what to do with this knowledge other than assume perhaps I’m doing something right and pass it on - maybe even if you think you are struggling or even failing you might have an unknown fan. Literally the most perspective changing thing anyone has said to me:)
It’s a break -
Not a breakup.
It’s been a fun run
But for now I’m done.
I gave a month to your lyrical need
But with these rhymes I shall be freed.
I made it to 30! Time to take a break, go back and read, and focus again on quality not quantity. It was a good exercise but they definitely aren’t all keepers!