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21
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
21
I had my first legal bar experience last night.
I went to Kildaire's Irish Pub in West Chester,
and it was definitely a low key night,
which I liked a lot, because I'm no drinker.
Started it off with a Vegas bomb,
then a Yeager bomb, three red-headed *****,
some Soco and lime, two green tea shots,
and ended my drinks with a bud light.
I made it out of the bar without puking,
which completely surprised me...
The most powerful movement I felt though
was through the karaoke machine,
There was a marvelous energy booming
through the bar, whether the singer
was good or terrible everybody enjoyed.
It made me realize that I want to try
something with my poetry... Spoken Word.
Thank you God!
Today is my 21st birthday, this is a little recollection of last night!
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
I need to address
five different people that
mean the world to me:*

        Teachers, I'm sorry
        for not listening to your
        wisdom and lessons.

Friends, I am sorry
for condescending remarks
and hypocrisy.

        Family, sorry
        for poor communication
        and cutting you off.

God, I am sorry
for failing to acknowledge
you and all your love.

        Self, I am sorry
        for hurting and neglecting
        you and your beauty.
Jim Ellis Apr 2012
Scattered thoughts flood the page
With rage, I try to torture my victim
The harsh realities I've revealed
Only show what has been concealed
With the hope that it will all change
One day, things will get better
One day, we will shine
One day, we will inspire
and some days I want to die
The words I leave behind are evidence
to a crime against myself
I had to be cleansed
Things needed to be fixed
The pencil is my weapon
And to me it did this...
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
Though the tides still turned
my heart and soul burned
when I thought that "We:"
*will most likely never be...
Jim Ellis Feb 2013
Throughout life's quest we encounter obstacles and stress
Frustrated, we search for shortcuts and easier routes
Straying away from the road less traveled
Our fascinations become falsified
Through fabrications and awful lies
Deceptions is here but have no fear
The light shines in even the darkest of tunnels
Embark on the right path and you will embrace the aftermath

Change! Can we change?
That's up to you...
You know the right thing to do
Will you fall for madness
Or understand your brilliance
Follow me on this pilgrimage
We will defeat this mirage we call a world
Every human falls victim to the illusion
Betraying belief and following delusion
Instead of asking why, look in the sky
Keep faith in what's true
The answer will come to you

I've been here this whole time
Guiding many lost minds
To do what is right
And every night
I visit people
Displaying
Their worst fears
And greatest ambitions
If your ego confuses you
Don't get scared
Just confront
And acknowledge
Who I am...
Your conscious
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
Homie,

You have so much to learn and so much longer to go,
and I know that you feel like you should have arrived
by now, but everybody else doe too. Don't be too hard
on yourself man, you are doing the best you can. Also,
you're doing it honestly, and that is so important.  The
one advice I can give you is to trust yourself more,
and believe in yourself. Remember when Mom lost her
vision what she said to you: "We can do this Jimmy."
If she can keep the fight up being blind, you can do
definitely do it. Don't stray away from me, I'm here
for you and I will always be, I'll be waiting at the
finish line....

Love you kid!
Jim Ellis May 2013
He was definitely the wrong one in the situation.
After all that's why I'm here now, isnt it?
Now, I know he left when I was only 5,
but **** pops... You couldn't have called?
No, I understand you had a second family.
Though that witch left you shortly after
receiving her green card, its completely okay.
It makes no sense to take care of your own blood.
No, not when you have other people in your life.
For years, I denied your existence, even though
you were only 45 minutes up the turnpike.
I think its because I was embarrassed of you.
Or maybe because I thought you were ashamed of me...

Wasn't I worth it dad? Didn't you want a son?
If so, then why didn't you act like it?
And if not, why the **** would you do that to mom?
She raised me and Katie blind, alone, and jobless.
Meanwhile you have a pension check just shy of a million.
I have dreams sometimes of us at lunch,
but when I wake up I realize they are just dreams,
and nothing close to what reality is, but distorted memories perhaps.
I can't understand why, but I miss you...
All the best cowboys have daddy issues.
Jim Ellis Mar 2012
If only you can see you're potential.
Life's not detrimental.
That's just your current mental.
Understand that your health is at risk.
Ignorance is bliss, but not with this.
I want you to quit for you not for me.
Be everything and anything you want to be.
A doctor, a teacher,
an actor, a preacher,
a lawyer, a cartogropher,
a musician, a photographer.
Be stronger, get past it.
Quit being a drug addict.
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
Yo I'm tryna hear some new lines, some true lines
Maybe in this darkness I can see the Blue Sky
Like Common Sense, tryna get us out the dirt my friends
But instead, we choose to listen to those who abuse
Those that sound like an alarm clock snooze
Brainless, in ten minutes we'll hear the same ****
Y'all love to make music? That's not what it seems
Cause its apparent to the people, you had a dream
But betrayed that dream once you saw some C.R.E.A.M.
All that paper for a couple of lame joints and some haters
I wanna hear a rhyme about the government, or at least the truth
Like how it's our time to shine a light for the youth
That way, one day, they'll know that wisdom is what we follow
So they can stay away from the darkness before it swallows
Cause once you get in it, there ain't no escaping
From the sky scrapin', paper chasin, devastation, soul deflation
That can occur with the exchange of only a few words
Its absurd how so many let producers be the choosers
You may win that Grammy, but to us you're still losers
Now tell me, is that how it has to be? Cause actually,
The artist that works the hardest never get credit
What I loved so much is no longer respected
So unless you to plan to change and stop fronting
Do us all a favor and don't say nothing
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
The wind spoke to me for a while,
and for a while everything was fine.
But, when I finally found my style
you decided to change your design.
This new language was very strange,
and I didn't know how to read or write.
It was a back door deal, an exchange
that to me didn't even seem right.
After praying, listening, and waiting
my mind was able to comprehend.
This isn't about fighting and debating,
it's about whose real and who pretends.
This may not make sense,
but it is a valuable lesson I learned,
especially when I relate it to this craft.
Jim Ellis Nov 2011
Allow me to inform you of a road less traveled
The road our minds ignore in fear of being rattled
Simple, yet this road we won't walk out
Too afraid to confront and rarely talked about.
The TRUTH is it's title and it's not sought out
Lies become shortcuts and more common routes
Why does the TRUTH have so many confused?
The TRUTH hurts, so the lies become abused
"Honesty is the Policy," that statement only exists in Utopia
Our would consists of people suffering from a TRUTH phobia
We tell ourselves the wrong things that seem better
We wake up and our moods are decided by the weather
This makes it hard for us to acknowledge the TRUTH
Some will travel, work, or go to college for the TRUTH
To discover it and uncover it
Seeing what it's encumbered with
A gilded body, because the lies numbers win
I'm a weary soldier walking fatigued and intrigued
down the road where the TRUTH was conceived
In the midst of discovery I'm confronted with a lie
Unsure and uncomfortable I ask the TRUTH "Why?"
I find out the existence of the lie I cannot deny
So I face the lie looking it in it's eyes
I state, "Before I believe you I'd rather die"
Holding my head high, I walk into battle
A protector of TRUTH on a road less traveled
Jim Ellis Apr 2014
A sad truth...
                             Sometimes people don't let love in -
       (an even sadder truth)
                                                                 *because they think they don't deserve it...
"...All us stumblers who believe Love rules.
Stand up and let it shine."
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
Over the following three days a Transformation will occur.
Some may understand and relate, others will not concur.
To those who don't, I apologize, but this has been delayed.
My life has been a monotonous ritual constantly replayed.
Wake up, imagine, pray for success, and spill every word.
This is okay, but I need to change if I want to be heard.
Please accept this evolution of self, and have no fear.
A great thing is happening for a Transformation is near.
Jim Ellis Apr 2012
"*******! You've never cared."
I believe were the words she chose
every so carefully
digging through her arsenal
of piercing rocks.

"She didn't mean that dad."
I know these were the words I chose
because I've chosen them before
when this happened
last time.

"She's right..."
are the words he chose
as he begins to shatter
from the rocks
she threw.

A man whose made of glass
could shatter into a million pieces
just by stumbling.
But it's usually the words we throw
that impact a very fragile situation...
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
Fill that cup up, I'll be back in five
It's been a long time since I've been high
Or should I say low? This is a depressant
I've been clean for weeks, did I mention?
Well that all changed, once I stepped in
This bar and entered another dimension
One shot, two shot, three shot, four
In just a few hours, ten ******* more
One shot, two shot, three shot, four
In just a few hours, I awake on the floor
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
When blessings are overlooked
Narrow minds remain bitter
Hearts keep quiet and cold
And the mind turns to winter

Fear begins to consume us
Our only option is retreat
Failure and depression rise
Facing the harshness of defeat

Ignorance claims the throne
Loss of morals and lessons
Reality strikes viciously
When you overlook blessings
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
These little blue pills;
spheres labeled:
"A-215"

pharmaceutical-
synthetic heroine
cross w/ *****

Well.. they ripped
a new *******
in the youth.

Some say,
"they make
you feel
like...
Superman"

Some say,
"Nah man,
I don't
mess with
that ****"

I didn't ever
get involved
with it

But I still
got to see
what they did

A few kids I know
went to rehab
and back

The smart druggies
say, "it's the rich
kids' crack"

Once you in,
you are in,
there is no hope

Once you broke,
no pills,
just straight to dope

My good friend
from home
is starting to use

Now all he
thinks of is
snorting them Blues
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
"I can't," were the words she chose,
and I immediately crumbled inside.
Not only is she doubting herself
but she's making "can't" her reality.
The only thing that will stop her
from living this lifestyle is herself.
Once she gives up, the battle is done,
with ******* being crowned as winner.
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
Looking back, I would've never thought I would be here.
But it feels good to be calm and finally see clear.
One day this will all be a memory of a new life.
The one thing I have learned is that I want to do right.
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
"Constantly criticizing,
annoying agitation,
ignorant imbecile..."*

I hate thinking this way but you give me no choice.
If I don't speak with love, then what is my voice?
I try to motivate and inspire, but you cause friction.
My thoughts and actions are becoming a contradiction.

"Considerate carer,
admirable artist,
intelligent idol.
"

I love that I say this to you, because it makes you think.
Yet I wonder, "Will any of this message actually sink?"
Maybe its because my poor conviction and dry emotion.
No... it has to be more serious... its my lack of devotion.
can't think of a title for it yet...
Jim Ellis Apr 2013
I have no other way to say how I feel
Emotions I showed, I now conceal
The bottle is filled, about to overflow
The volcano will erupt and soon explode
Anger, rage, and pain burn more flames
I have no blood,  just molten lava in my veins
At any moment, I'll spontaneously combust
I only have myself, and even that I don't trust
Jim Ellis Jul 2013
Walking into a room I know all too well
Pretending I don't want what's inside-
Temptation is a cruel monster that eats me
Yet I've trained myself to lie so well
Everybody believes me when I declare...
"I don't do this stuff anymore."
It's been too long HP... I missed you, and I hope all is well!
Jim Ellis Apr 2012
Dear Lauryn Hill,

As I listened to your album
I know you weren't concerned with the outcome
It was more of a way for you to vent
But it was still worth every cent
I'm poor now but your words make me rich
And I feel like my whole life I've been in a ditch
It's time I get out and really see the world
It's time I stop worrying about finding a girl
Because in time she will come to me
And two individuals will go
From "me and you" to "we"
You showed me love isn't easy at times
It can hurt so bad; I hear this in your rhymes
Although I may never meet you, I do know this
"The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" reaches the top of my list
I never knew such beauty could exist
I had to write this poem, I couldn't resist
At times I see the world and shake my head
Saying forget everything else and get myself ahead
But you reminded me that's not what it's about
L-O-V-E, Love!!! Love!!! Let's all shout!
Because if I can, you can shout too! You can too!

Love,
Jimmy Ellis
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
I'll keep praying for you,
even though you don't want me to.
Just because its in your nature to quit,
doesn't mean its in mine.

You say, "we're only put here to die."
There is nothing I can say back
because deep down this thought
always occurs in my mind...
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
The traps are laid out
The boxes are open
Waiting for us to hop in
Not knowing what is inside...
Jim Ellis Oct 2017
If you looked into my eyes
You wouldn’t have asked any questions
It’s clear my soul is dying…

Yet you decided to play the game
You rolled the dice
A lucky thirteen appeared

We laughed and continued on our way
I had no clue how it happened
You didn’t bother to question

God is a curious complex
Sometimes I wonder:
Did she send you to me
Or me to you?

What difference does it make?

The end was the harder part
When you decided to quit
That finished it for me

My soul kissed the end of the barrel
I waltzed with Mr. Death, himself

When I arrived here
I saw a crow doing the heel-toe!
Jim Ellis Jun 2012
The truth about dreams:
Dreams can be reality
if we just **believe.
Jim Ellis Dec 2011
Dear Eliza,

It took me years to gain the courage  to write you
In those years I haven't found a person like you
I miss you more every day
I think about you in every way

I think about your beautiful eyes
that pierced into mine,
and your long golden hair
that first made me stare

I remember our first conversation
And our first confirmation
being our first kiss
All of this I miss

I remember when you left for school
and I stayed home to work like a fool
You would call me every night
I regret every yell and every fight

I remember tough times when you got ill
working two jobs to support the bill
I saw you getting worse and I cried
I cried, I cried, I cried, and then you died

I remember recieving the call
Our friends and family in awe
Funeral arangements, more bills, and cries
Years of loneliness and unable to know why

I'm unable to love anyone more than you
I'm unable to stop thinking about you
I see you in my dreams, it gets me wild
I see you even more when I look at our child

You left us, not because you felt the need
but because your body felt weak
However, you had a heart that was strong
And in our hearts you will live on!

With much love,
              Your Eternal Lover
Jim Ellis Feb 2014
Is there no more hope in self?
Surely things have been worse before,
yet you constantly play the role of victim.
A harsh reality we face daily
that consumes those who are weak.

I practice what I preach, though it's not enough.
It can't be- Afterall, you're just not the same.
How could someone like you step in my shoes?
How could you comprehend the struggle and pain?
Should I even bother wasting my time on this game?

Weeks will go by, and you'll ask, "Where is he?"
I won't even be there to answer you,
but if I were, I would say something like this,
"While you moped and sat in misery
I did what I said,
and now I'm making history."
Jim Ellis Apr 2012
I visualize men sweet talking
to a girl that illuminates innocence.
Beauty encumbers her shell though
making me even want to say a few words.
I continue to watch and admire
as a tool approaches her with the typical:
"Hey babe," as he walks behind her to dance.
She lets him too!
I see the look in her eyes.
She's not enjoying it.
Luckily I'm the DJ tonight
so I switch the heavy based rap jam
to something a little more romantic.
The faces all turn to me confused
and I say this,
"What's wrong y'all?
Did we forget about chivalry?"
She smiles and I know it's my time.
I approach her and look into her eyes
and through my dart:
"Excuse me miss, I couldn't help but
notice how your eyes glow so bright
that these strobe lights have a hard time
competing. Would you care to dance?"
She takes my hand and
we walk to the center of the floor.
We are so isolated because
everyone else, "is too cool."
We put on a marvelous show
holding each other and spinning
with our eyes locked into each other
the entire time.
Jim Ellis Jun 2014
****
Everything/
Anything
Real
Jim Ellis Apr 2012
I'm at a party and think of this
The fact that we exist
is something fascinating

**Through all the nights fabricating
I'm left with this thought
The night's lesson has been taught:


*The fact that my conception
is a result of my soul
competing in a race
with millions of others
and winning
is absolutely reason enough
to believe
Jim Ellis May 2012
The first thing you need to know is this:

DUE TO NON-PAYMENT YOUR
ELECTRIC WILL BE SHUT OFF


Those were the words I read as my
heart sank and my mind launched
into a universe of possibilities.

How long will the lights be out?
How will I shower in the dark?
Should I throw all of my food out?
Let me go to the park...

I rolled a joint, got in my car,
and drove to the park with
my music and my journal.

After the joint I started to think.
I looked up, and found no sun.
There you have it; in just a blink
of an eye, the darkness had begun.

*PART 1 COMING SOON
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
These replacement refs
make me ask myself this question:
*"Could this league be fixed!?!"
My reaction to the Packers and Seahawks game.
Jim Ellis May 2012
Birds are meant to fly
Humans are meant to love
and when both of us die
We'll be free up above

So what if a bird is grounded?
And what if a human doesn't want to love?
What if he doesn't know how?
Does that make him wrong?

My mother told me,
"God loves us all"
and I believe her.

I love God, I love life
The part I'm confused with
is loving another life.

I know God loves me
so it should be easy
for people to love me too.

However I'm still questioning
How can I feel this reciprocation?
Loving and being loved
are hard things to balance...

I want to be like the birds,
flying high in the sky
I want to fall in love
and be loved before I die.
Jim Ellis Jun 2012
You never felt mutual,
but I don't really care.
I don't know if that's true,
so my judgement is unfair...

When I wanted to see you,
you cut me off. Why?
Is it because you see
that I'm soft,
and gentle,
but more of a man,
than you've ever seen?
Or maybe you can't
comprehend what's
in between?

When I read my poem
about my mom, I looked around
at everybody in the classroom,
and your head was down.

That showed me
you're weak to emotion
and have been sheltered.
My goal was clear:
I knew I wanted
to help her.

Expose you to this world,
and show you love,
I suppose you're
like a dove
Peaceful, and pure
with style,
But innocent too so
this could take a while...

Me being impatient,
won't get to you quicker
But the longer it takes,
only makes me sicker.

Then came this
irking feeling
when I thought
of something:

What if me
meeting you
ended as "we"
being nothing.

I hope that's not true,
so I'll just end with this.
It's a pleasure to know you,
and also to write this.

Love, Jimmy
Jim Ellis May 2012
I see a light flickering in the distance
The struggles that I'm in
make me the one whose priveledged
Single and content
but now and then I gotta vent
about the search that I'm in
are my thoughts
worth a cent?

I know how to deal with life
I know she is more than just a wife.
She's another human being
her own mind, soul and body
Mix of beauty and thrift
with kick like karate.
Emotional kamikaze,
displayed through
her origami

But i want her
and I love her style,
haven't seen something like this
in quite a while
Just had to get this off my chest
A freestyle, but it's my best
And that's all you'll ever get,
never anything less.
She's that light I've been
waiting for,
Hoping that this
day is for
Me and her to meet
and make more
with love.
Jim Ellis Apr 2012
The light you shine on me is so warming
that I cling to you.
You can always aid me in circumventing
my insecurities.
I've learned to become something new;
half of a whole.
In time we both will have to go
our seperate ways.
Waiting for days to return what we had,
the things we took.
The bittersweet feelings I'm experiencing
(more bitter than sweet)
Are from realizing that I will have to learn
to be alone again.
But unlike the other times I've had
this is special.
What are we even? I'd like to hear
your answer one day.
I like to call us more than friends
with benefits
We're friends that love each other,
and love well
That means we can be whatever we want
or need to be.
Jim Ellis Aug 2012
I'm having a dreadful moment with reality
The dreams are starting to fade away
I have assimilated to the change*
There has been so much of it
Constantly open-minded
But now its different
Now I've realized
That this pen
Has ran
Outta
ink
Jim Ellis May 2012
I'm not a creative soul,
I'm a brainless zombie
with aimless hobbies.
I wonder if I'll ever
make it with this
mind frame..

Can I escape this prison,
this box they've kept me in?
These chains have weighed
me down to oblivion
and I'm so weak now.
Mental pains.

My heart is screaming for freedom
Yearning for a bit of joy
But my head tells me
the money is what I need
Yet another victim that fell
to greed...

Only a few more days
of being held captive
I'm on my last few strides
The Devil trying to take me,
but God said, "he won't,"

*and I sure hope he don't.
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
I never thought that this is what it would be
Mom, I know your proud but if only you could see
What your little boy looks likes like at twenty
Memories stick, and I know you've got plenty
So this one is for you, dad, Katie, and I
Although it didn't work we gave it a try
And after all the times we felt like there was no luck
I can see that we had it perfect now that I'm grown up
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
I got butterflies,
for the first time in many years,
feeling your embrace.
Jim Ellis May 2012
"It's the little things
in our lives that can either
make or break our day."
Jim Ellis Apr 2012
There's something about that itch
that you can't itch enough.
I feel like when I put on my
Adidas or Nike ankle socks
they just don't do the trick.

My Hanes crew length
feel so comfy on my itchy legs.
They keep my legs warm
when I spend eight hours
in the cold box stocking drink.

However when I wear those
high socks with shorts people stare.
I guess it looks goofy
with my pale skin
that people have to double take.

I bet they ask questions like
"Is that his leg or is he wearing socks?"
I smile though when they stare
because it makes feel noticed
and it reassures me that I'm here.
Jim Ellis Mar 2012
When I was a boy
My ego was small
Then I was annoyed
And it became tall

A pedestal sat in front
Tempting me to stand
Creating something so blunt
Is what it had planned

So on it I stood
And what was bad
Had now become good
Turning me mad

My honesty was altered
I began living a bluff
All that I had to offer
Was a man trying to be tough

Then my mother saved me
She showed me what I'd become
Harsh words had made me
Realize what she wanted from her son:

Honesty mixed flattery,
with the energy of a battery,
to power a generator,
for generations later,
A latern of peace,
Treating others kind,
Searching for a piece...
A piece of mind.
Jim Ellis May 2013
Let's take turns
You know
Exchanging our
energies because
all we think
that was left
for us was the
energy inside
of us

Continue competing,
for this vital
source of life
through submission
and aggression
although another
source exists,
but hey,
we don't know
any better.

You were so down
after your last
encounter,
which happened
to be with your
parents, that
you go outside
to smoke a cig
and notice
a beautiful daisy
5 ft tall.

Admiring this
beautiful existence
just allows you
to focus well
enough on what
it truly emits-
the same energy
you spend your
days fighting for
with other people--
That's right,
it exists in all
living things,
and you
now feel
complete
**oneness.
Jim Ellis Apr 2013
Lady Wisdom calls
upon us, but we ignore
her useful advice...
This is backwards in a sense, but I liked the way it looked.
Jim Ellis Jan 2014
I happen to remember a writer
One that didn't hide from creativity
And that scribbled his chicken scratch
Whether it was shame or glory.

I happen to remember a writer
One that dribbled with a ball point pen
On the court of composition
And his unique game was his story.

I happen to remember a writer
One that was afraid to speak
So he wrote his thoughts on pages
And it didn't matter if it would flow.

I happen to remember a writer*
One that shared his voice
With the world and helped others-
I wonder where he decided to go?
Jim Ellis Sep 2012
...take walks through town
with no specific destination...

...admire nature and society
and all of the terrific creations...

...be honest and genuine, cause
there are too many that are not...

...imagine of escaping this place
and running away to a far spot...

...believe in God and heaven
when I gaze at the stars above...

...hope that there's someone
special in the world to love...
...I like to do a whole lot of other things too, but
these are the ones I wanted to share with you...
Jim Ellis May 2012
"Life's a ***** and then you die
That's why we get high/Because you don't
know when you're gonna go"
This is the chorus to the song "Life's a *****" off of Nas's first album Illmatic.  I know the form is off but I really wanted to post this and thought a haiku would be cool to see it in... : )
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