Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Oct 2017 · 297
Doubtful
Jim Ellis Oct 2017
If you looked into my eyes
You wouldn’t have asked any questions
It’s clear my soul is dying…

Yet you decided to play the game
You rolled the dice
A lucky thirteen appeared

We laughed and continued on our way
I had no clue how it happened
You didn’t bother to question

God is a curious complex
Sometimes I wonder:
Did she send you to me
Or me to you?

What difference does it make?

The end was the harder part
When you decided to quit
That finished it for me

My soul kissed the end of the barrel
I waltzed with Mr. Death, himself

When I arrived here
I saw a crow doing the heel-toe!
Oct 2017 · 208
Memory
Jim Ellis Oct 2017
A cruel monster drooling on it’s victims
It hollers in his cranium
Begging for attention
A child, maybe a teenager
Crying, desperately for help
Confused, repeating the same questions
Over and over again
Friends laughing at him
One or two genuinely concerned
The nurse reminds him where he is
Suddenly he’s aware of a phone in his hand
It feels lighter than a pen
“Mom? I’m okay.”
The rest of the conversation is blurry
Stumbling to a mirror
A lump can be seen on the right side of his head
Mount Everest
One moment he was playing in the fog
The next: black
What happened in those lost moments?
How did he get into that room?
Who helped him?
Who stood by laughing?
None of that matters
He's okay, he’s safe
Astonished, but safe
Unaware that years later
He would inflict this same effect
Willingly though
Calling it a cure
Self-medicated
Blackout
Something that once horrified him
Would become a safety net
The horror would return though
Memories are supposed to be clear
Not vague,
But then again,
They are monsters
And monsters are not friends
Apr 2016 · 476
What About These Memories?
Jim Ellis Apr 2016
Sing to me of the times
When we were younger
When the garden still thrived
And the sun still shined

You never made it out
I guess it was your choice
When I caught that plane
Is when it all changed

I never met your kids
Did they reach their dreams?
Do you still think of me?
Are you what you wanted to be?

I rode past the garden today
Watered it with my tears
It reminded me I'm alive
And then I saw the sun shine
Mar 2016 · 1.0k
The Day the World Ended
Jim Ellis Mar 2016
Though it may not have been as beautiful as I imagined
The day we watched the world end was my favorite

You painted the scenery and I sang you limericks
Our hearts never could understand society

I think this was the moment we were waiting for
A place where there were no more expectations

As the fires waged, your brush strokes replied
Every shout and cry could be replaced by another line

I know some may not understand,
But there really isn’t much to

There hasn't been such a simple existence
We had each other, and that was all we needed

Just as Nero played the lyre while watching Rome burn
You and I created on the day the world ended
Happy World Poetry Day! :-)
Feb 2016 · 353
Loneliness
Jim Ellis Feb 2016
Often times I find myself
Desperate for company
Even when it's an inconvenience

The revolving door perhaps?
Keep my mind off of this
Let's go to the bar
Maybe catch a flick?
Hell, even sit down and watch TV

But when I return
It always gives me bliss
Oh loneliness,
How you taste so good
Jim Ellis Feb 2016
I don’t often dive into your insecurities
Hell, you and I both know the last time
I did it turned out pretty horrible
For both of us
But I don’t understand when you do that thing
You know, when you argue over compliments
My love, it may not appear to you
But it appears to me and the rest of us
That you are the most amazing person…*

Forgive me while I play reminisce
It’s just these days are often boring
And I need something to spice mine up,
Even if it’s a painful memory
Like the time we asked each other
“What’s the bravest thing you’ve done today?”
My response was so bland:
“I spoke my mind.”
Yours still haunts me to this day:
“I got out of bed…”
Feb 2016 · 631
what drives us petty fools
Jim Ellis Feb 2016
cha-Ching
Breakfast, coffee, cigarettes
"Hello, how are you doing today?"
Scan errors, frustration, metric conversions
"I need 4 loads of steel"
Create order, print bills, distribute
"I'm ready to eat"
Big Mac, large fries, Coca-Cola
"Half way done..."
Measurements, storage, handling
"Two more loads of steel"
Create orders, print bills, distribute
"**** I need a drink"
Cha-ching
Feb 2016 · 308
Read
Jim Ellis Feb 2016
I never knew solace
Till I heard the ripple-
Paint me your best picture
Sing me your finest tune
Sculpt me the most glorious of statues-
It won't even get close
That page ripple
Swings through
Fills me with color
Chills my bones
Lasts for hours
Turns me into an insomniac
But why would I mind?
****, it spices up the night
Not even a shot of whiskey
Could compare-
No amount of smoke
You see when it's hard to cope
I return here
And since every day
Something inconvenient happens
I'm back here every night
Jesus Christ...
All of this
From a ******* book!
Oct 2014 · 737
While walking down Federal
Jim Ellis Oct 2014
While walking down Federal
I see two men in an alley shouting
Another man is on the ground
He is bleeding very badly
Statistics say I will run
But I feel like being different today
I feel like being the one who cared
Not practiced at turning my head
Never surrendering in silence
I have seen enough to know
Opportunities are everywhere
And if its an opportunity to do good
You have to take that chance
Jun 2014 · 432
F.E.A.R.
Jim Ellis Jun 2014
****
Everything/
Anything
Real
Jun 2014 · 515
Oblivion (Nightmare One)
Jim Ellis Jun 2014
I've never felt this cold
Shivering and shaking
Breaking
I'm normally not like this
But tonight, I figure why not?
Now there's a light
Suddenly I'm not so cold
No, I'm really warm
I'm burning hot
This doesn't feel good
In fact this isn't good
I'm scared
And I just want to
Wake up
May 2014 · 831
Notes on Resolution
Jim Ellis May 2014
Resolution has this tendency
To pick at it's victims
With brutal honesty
And at the time
We scream and beg
"Please, not now!"
It's so fascinating
How the truth works
It really is what
We do not want
But always what
We desperately need
Apr 2014 · 642
A sad truth
Jim Ellis Apr 2014
A sad truth...
                             Sometimes people don't let love in -
       (an even sadder truth)
                                                                 *because they think they don't deserve it...
"...All us stumblers who believe Love rules.
Stand up and let it shine."
Feb 2014 · 1.1k
It's Hard
Jim Ellis Feb 2014
It's hard when you don't know what to do.
Facing the crossroads, the old and the new,
and don't know which path to choose.

When your whole life has been a lie,
and you don't understand why.
After all, aren't we just living to die?

When you neglect the wise thoughts,
grasping hold of everything you brought.
Still lingering, is the temptation you fought.

Or when you realize that its been a full day,
and you're stagnant thinking of which way.
Right in front of you, the true answers lay.

But it's even harder when you know what to do,
and for some odd reason you don't believe its true.
Achieving nothing because you're too afraid to choose.
A valuable lesson perspective has shown me. Though life may be hard, and in the madness we may want to deny the obvious truth, we must continue to live, learn, and love.

Dedicated to all of my friends. May you find the strength to seek fulfillment in your daily lives.
Feb 2014 · 693
Principle One
Jim Ellis Feb 2014
Less I have to say with criticism
than I do with praise,
for criticism would simply
provoke justification
and resentment.
Feb 2014 · 966
Retrospect For Life
Jim Ellis Feb 2014
Hardly aware of awareness,
he wondered through the City.
Why didn't she answer -he thought.
A taxi splashed water on him,
which only made him more angry.
He rushed into the nearest deli,
Do you have a towel? I'm soaked! he asked.
No, but I have sweatpants
and shirts for sale. I'll lend you some.
the owner responded.
Shocked by the man's generosity,
he insisted he buy them.
Where's my wallet?
I must have left my wallet at home. Nevermind.
Before the owner could hand him the clothes,
he was out the door in a flash.

Walking back to his apartment was the only thing left to do,
so he walked, and thought about all the troubles...
She doesn't love me anymore, I'm broke,
I'm unlucky, I can't keep a job, my family is ashamed,
I have no skills, nor talents, I'm a waste of life...

But he was interrupted by a quarrel between two men.
You ******* ***! You stole my wallet. said one.
I did not, you can search me. responded the other.
The first man threw a punch and knocked the other down.
I have to do something!
He ran to the two men and grabbed the assaulter
holding him against the wall, and yelled,
ENOUGH! This man has nothing and you
can't find your wallet, so you assume he has it!?
You probably left it at home, call your wife, kids,
or whomever and see if its there!
he roared.
Whatever.. was his blunt response,
and the assaulter walked away...

The other man lay on the ground bleeding and coughing,
so he bent down and consoled him,
You okay man? he asked.
Why did you help me? I'm a waste of life,
and you helped me. You're the only person
in this city who ever gave me a chance:
You. Are. A. Hero.
lamented the injured man.
He couldn't respond though. He just shed a tear
for in that moment all his problems went away.
It didn't matter that he was soaking wet,
or that he left his wallet at home,
or that his wife didn't answer,
or that he lost his job.
Nothing mattered,
except that he mattered.
Feb 2014 · 770
Enough is Enough
Jim Ellis Feb 2014
Is there no more hope in self?
Surely things have been worse before,
yet you constantly play the role of victim.
A harsh reality we face daily
that consumes those who are weak.

I practice what I preach, though it's not enough.
It can't be- Afterall, you're just not the same.
How could someone like you step in my shoes?
How could you comprehend the struggle and pain?
Should I even bother wasting my time on this game?

Weeks will go by, and you'll ask, "Where is he?"
I won't even be there to answer you,
but if I were, I would say something like this,
"While you moped and sat in misery
I did what I said,
and now I'm making history."
Jan 2014 · 792
Why practice self pity?
Jim Ellis Jan 2014
Why practice self pity?
Self worth is a rewarding
gift that only grows.
Jim Ellis Jan 2014
I happen to remember a writer
One that didn't hide from creativity
And that scribbled his chicken scratch
Whether it was shame or glory.

I happen to remember a writer
One that dribbled with a ball point pen
On the court of composition
And his unique game was his story.

I happen to remember a writer
One that was afraid to speak
So he wrote his thoughts on pages
And it didn't matter if it would flow.

I happen to remember a writer*
One that shared his voice
With the world and helped others-
I wonder where he decided to go?
Jul 2013 · 857
Daymares
Jim Ellis Jul 2013
Walking into a room I know all too well
Pretending I don't want what's inside-
Temptation is a cruel monster that eats me
Yet I've trained myself to lie so well
Everybody believes me when I declare...
"I don't do this stuff anymore."
It's been too long HP... I missed you, and I hope all is well!
May 2013 · 1.0k
Hungry for what we have
Jim Ellis May 2013
Let's take turns
You know
Exchanging our
energies because
all we think
that was left
for us was the
energy inside
of us

Continue competing,
for this vital
source of life
through submission
and aggression
although another
source exists,
but hey,
we don't know
any better.

You were so down
after your last
encounter,
which happened
to be with your
parents, that
you go outside
to smoke a cig
and notice
a beautiful daisy
5 ft tall.

Admiring this
beautiful existence
just allows you
to focus well
enough on what
it truly emits-
the same energy
you spend your
days fighting for
with other people--
That's right,
it exists in all
living things,
and you
now feel
complete
**oneness.
Jim Ellis May 2013
He was definitely the wrong one in the situation.
After all that's why I'm here now, isnt it?
Now, I know he left when I was only 5,
but **** pops... You couldn't have called?
No, I understand you had a second family.
Though that witch left you shortly after
receiving her green card, its completely okay.
It makes no sense to take care of your own blood.
No, not when you have other people in your life.
For years, I denied your existence, even though
you were only 45 minutes up the turnpike.
I think its because I was embarrassed of you.
Or maybe because I thought you were ashamed of me...

Wasn't I worth it dad? Didn't you want a son?
If so, then why didn't you act like it?
And if not, why the **** would you do that to mom?
She raised me and Katie blind, alone, and jobless.
Meanwhile you have a pension check just shy of a million.
I have dreams sometimes of us at lunch,
but when I wake up I realize they are just dreams,
and nothing close to what reality is, but distorted memories perhaps.
I can't understand why, but I miss you...
All the best cowboys have daddy issues.
Apr 2013 · 764
Lesson #19 (tanka)
Jim Ellis Apr 2013
The knowledge we have
and the courage we contain
is an illusion-
a more accurate title
would be counterfeit wisdom.
Jim Ellis Apr 2013
Lady Wisdom calls
upon us, but we ignore
her useful advice...
This is backwards in a sense, but I liked the way it looked.
Apr 2013 · 1.0k
Untitled Freestyle
Jim Ellis Apr 2013
The cypher was real, in fact it was authentic
Everything I mentioned, no doubt I meant it
Though I discuss topics that aren't debated
Everybody in the crowd smiled and related
I guess that's another one of life's contradictions
Kinda like the Qur'an I got for Christmas
But my mama encourages the pursuit of knowledge
Whether it be at work, in life, or in college
We understand the meaning of perspective
And if you don't you should at least respect it
Cause though you rap, and I write poems
We both have the power to enlight domes
The two are closer than it may seem
It can be underground or mainstream
Just be true to you, and be humble too
There's no telling in things you might do.
Apr 2013 · 1.1k
Confronting Myself
Jim Ellis Apr 2013
I have no other way to say how I feel
Emotions I showed, I now conceal
The bottle is filled, about to overflow
The volcano will erupt and soon explode
Anger, rage, and pain burn more flames
I have no blood,  just molten lava in my veins
At any moment, I'll spontaneously combust
I only have myself, and even that I don't trust
Apr 2013 · 1.1k
Phony
Jim Ellis Apr 2013
The phony has been played
by an all-star known as James.
(Yes, I'm referring to myself).
The phony does everything
he knows he shouldn't.
The phony is everything
but himself.
The phony won't even
dare to look in the mirror.
The phony is a hollow
being incabable of dreaming.
The phony doesn't get hurt
because he lets no one in.
The phony is an exhausting
role after a while.
The phony eventually dies
like everything else...

*However, once the phony dies
the genuine you is born.
And life truly begins.
I've resigned from my role, and have no intentions of returning.
Apr 2013 · 909
Lost
Jim Ellis Apr 2013
Wondering where to wander next
I calmly collect my thoughts.
I realize that revelations reveal
truth thoroughly through the mind.
Hoping I hear the higher power,
I meditate mending my mental.
Posion, passion, and possessions
become bitter but better then before.
Fear forms from the hidden forest
and death desires the depths of my soul.
A light leaks through and I learn
I'm sad, sorry, sorrowful, and need to start over.
Mar 2013 · 827
Life Humbles Us Down
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
The way life humbles
us down is incredible.
Recall all the people you encountered
today if you are having trouble...
Mar 2013 · 676
Bars
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
Fill that cup up, I'll be back in five
It's been a long time since I've been high
Or should I say low? This is a depressant
I've been clean for weeks, did I mention?
Well that all changed, once I stepped in
This bar and entered another dimension
One shot, two shot, three shot, four
In just a few hours, ten ******* more
One shot, two shot, three shot, four
In just a few hours, I awake on the floor
Mar 2013 · 1.0k
5 Apologies (6 Haikus)
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
I need to address
five different people that
mean the world to me:*

        Teachers, I'm sorry
        for not listening to your
        wisdom and lessons.

Friends, I am sorry
for condescending remarks
and hypocrisy.

        Family, sorry
        for poor communication
        and cutting you off.

God, I am sorry
for failing to acknowledge
you and all your love.

        Self, I am sorry
        for hurting and neglecting
        you and your beauty.
Mar 2013 · 881
Blessings
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
When blessings are overlooked
Narrow minds remain bitter
Hearts keep quiet and cold
And the mind turns to winter

Fear begins to consume us
Our only option is retreat
Failure and depression rise
Facing the harshness of defeat

Ignorance claims the throne
Loss of morals and lessons
Reality strikes viciously
When you overlook blessings
Mar 2013 · 1.6k
A Message to Hip-Hop
Jim Ellis Mar 2013
Yo I'm tryna hear some new lines, some true lines
Maybe in this darkness I can see the Blue Sky
Like Common Sense, tryna get us out the dirt my friends
But instead, we choose to listen to those who abuse
Those that sound like an alarm clock snooze
Brainless, in ten minutes we'll hear the same ****
Y'all love to make music? That's not what it seems
Cause its apparent to the people, you had a dream
But betrayed that dream once you saw some C.R.E.A.M.
All that paper for a couple of lame joints and some haters
I wanna hear a rhyme about the government, or at least the truth
Like how it's our time to shine a light for the youth
That way, one day, they'll know that wisdom is what we follow
So they can stay away from the darkness before it swallows
Cause once you get in it, there ain't no escaping
From the sky scrapin', paper chasin, devastation, soul deflation
That can occur with the exchange of only a few words
Its absurd how so many let producers be the choosers
You may win that Grammy, but to us you're still losers
Now tell me, is that how it has to be? Cause actually,
The artist that works the hardest never get credit
What I loved so much is no longer respected
So unless you to plan to change and stop fronting
Do us all a favor and don't say nothing
Jim Ellis Feb 2013
Throughout life's quest we encounter obstacles and stress
Frustrated, we search for shortcuts and easier routes
Straying away from the road less traveled
Our fascinations become falsified
Through fabrications and awful lies
Deceptions is here but have no fear
The light shines in even the darkest of tunnels
Embark on the right path and you will embrace the aftermath

Change! Can we change?
That's up to you...
You know the right thing to do
Will you fall for madness
Or understand your brilliance
Follow me on this pilgrimage
We will defeat this mirage we call a world
Every human falls victim to the illusion
Betraying belief and following delusion
Instead of asking why, look in the sky
Keep faith in what's true
The answer will come to you

I've been here this whole time
Guiding many lost minds
To do what is right
And every night
I visit people
Displaying
Their worst fears
And greatest ambitions
If your ego confuses you
Don't get scared
Just confront
And acknowledge
Who I am...
Your conscious
Dec 2012 · 790
The Most Important Decision
Jim Ellis Dec 2012
Eventually we will be tested
With potential or without
each and every one of us
will reach a crossroads
We will have a choice:
Continue living our
lives like we have,
become more, or
become worse.

**Choose Wisely.
Dec 2012 · 898
Untitled
Jim Ellis Dec 2012
I was at a crossroads:
Continue living this life,
depressed, miserable,
lying, and dying.
Or, come back home
start over, get sober,
and write every night.

Many won't understand
and claim I'm weak
But speak louder brethren:
You live in an apartment,
and can't come to grips
with the fact that you're
lost and scared to admit
drugs took you over
While you smoke cigs
and get high every day
waiting for the weekend
and a day off of work
to drink your pains away.

I love you, and when you love
something you truly do have
to let it go before its ruined.
I pray that you all turn around
and find something or someone
that makes you happy
Most importantly I hope
you find something to do
with your time better than
destroying your beautiful souls
Dec 2012 · 1.7k
The Driver & The Vehicle
Jim Ellis Dec 2012
We all have a vehicle
being our bodies...
However, sometimes
we don't take care
of our vehicle...
Though our soul,
being the driver,
is a separate piece
The condition
of the vehicle
will affect
the health of
the driver.
I never realized
this until very
recently, when
in a drug induced
state another driver's
vehicle crashed.
It made me think:
When will I crash?
Why did he crash?
Was it his time?
When is my time?
These paranoid thoughts
spin out of control
making my driver
confused and scared.
And at the perfect time
I'm reminded, that I am
the driver and I am
in control of this vehicle.
From this day on,
I'll take care of my vehicle
and the driver inside.
Listening to him before
anything else, because
he knows whats best.
I encourage you to
do the same before
you crash and your
driver dies...
Nov 2012 · 1.1k
Shadows Holding Hands
Jim Ellis Nov 2012
The only thing that could be seen
was a pair of shadows holding hands
on the wall next to a bed.

She had long hair, an hourglass body,
a little taller than him, and with a firm
stance one could assume she was confident.

He was thin, with hair that touched
his shoulders, and by the shaking of his
hands, you could tell he was nervous.

She pushed him down onto the bed,
climbed on top and kissed him on
his forehead.

After performing, the laid down for hours,
and all that could be seen was a pair
of shadows holding hands.
Jim Ellis Nov 2012
Paper tabs* and white powder
brings clouds to the mind
and thunder to the body.
**Meanwhile lightning strikes the heart.
Jim Ellis Nov 2012
If you told me that the life I live now
is what I would become, three years ago,
when I graduated high school...............
Oct 2012 · 749
To My Lost Friend
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
I pray for you more than you know.
I pray that you will one day be at peace,
and accept the things you cannot control.
More importantly I pray that you will
begin to appreciate what you have...

A man threatened your life on Friday,
and you were mad that he didn't take it.
Danny said that three things stopped it.
The cab that almost hit you, the cop that
tried to arrest you, and the third was me...

I don't feel bad even though you wanted this.
Two other events prevented your death.
Clearly something else agrees with me that
you still have more work to do before you leave.
Until you do agree, I will continue to pray for you.
Oct 2012 · 1.0k
Still Waiting
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
My Dear True Love,

Though I haven't been in many relationships,
I know you are out there. I can hear your cries
and your laughter. I can see your smile and
your frown. You see and hear mine too. We
haven't met yet but I'm anticipating the day
our eyes will connect and love will fill both of
our lives. My Dear True Love, I write this letter
to let you know I love you so much, and though
we haven't met yet, I'm still waiting. Waiting for
the day we can finally be together.

Love,
Your James
Oct 2012 · 2.3k
Haiku for Someone Special
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
I got butterflies,
for the first time in many years,
feeling your embrace.
Oct 2012 · 813
Silence
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
No more false declarations,
This "wisdom" I possess,
No! In fact, I'm much less,
What I say is unimportant,
Work was a contradiction,
Supporting my addiction
And in this moment,
I really need guidance,
So I'm going to try this...
Oct 2012 · 726
A New Wind
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
The wind spoke to me for a while,
and for a while everything was fine.
But, when I finally found my style
you decided to change your design.
This new language was very strange,
and I didn't know how to read or write.
It was a back door deal, an exchange
that to me didn't even seem right.
After praying, listening, and waiting
my mind was able to comprehend.
This isn't about fighting and debating,
it's about whose real and who pretends.
This may not make sense,
but it is a valuable lesson I learned,
especially when I relate it to this craft.
Oct 2012 · 1.2k
21
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
21
I had my first legal bar experience last night.
I went to Kildaire's Irish Pub in West Chester,
and it was definitely a low key night,
which I liked a lot, because I'm no drinker.
Started it off with a Vegas bomb,
then a Yeager bomb, three red-headed *****,
some Soco and lime, two green tea shots,
and ended my drinks with a bud light.
I made it out of the bar without puking,
which completely surprised me...
The most powerful movement I felt though
was through the karaoke machine,
There was a marvelous energy booming
through the bar, whether the singer
was good or terrible everybody enjoyed.
It made me realize that I want to try
something with my poetry... Spoken Word.
Thank you God!
Today is my 21st birthday, this is a little recollection of last night!
Oct 2012 · 945
A Broken Heart
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
Though the tides still turned
my heart and soul burned
when I thought that "We:"
*will most likely never be...
Oct 2012 · 837
Can't
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
"I can't," were the words she chose,
and I immediately crumbled inside.
Not only is she doubting herself
but she's making "can't" her reality.
The only thing that will stop her
from living this lifestyle is herself.
Once she gives up, the battle is done,
with ******* being crowned as winner.
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
My guts and the stars' guts consists of the same stuff
which means, not only am I in the universe
but the universe is in me.
Oct 2012 · 1.0k
A Letter to Self
Jim Ellis Oct 2012
Homie,

You have so much to learn and so much longer to go,
and I know that you feel like you should have arrived
by now, but everybody else doe too. Don't be too hard
on yourself man, you are doing the best you can. Also,
you're doing it honestly, and that is so important.  The
one advice I can give you is to trust yourself more,
and believe in yourself. Remember when Mom lost her
vision what she said to you: "We can do this Jimmy."
If she can keep the fight up being blind, you can do
definitely do it. Don't stray away from me, I'm here
for you and I will always be, I'll be waiting at the
finish line....

Love you kid!
Next page