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1.5k · Sep 2023
––– i'll be honest
justine grace Sep 2023
in the shadows of retrospection, a somber truth unfolds, draped in the shroud of honesty. it's a reality i must face; it's better off this way.

you were already broken, a fractured soul wandering through the desolate corridors of existence. yet, you made a choice, a cruel decision, to shatter me as well. it's a harsh reality to digest, for nine months seemed too brief a span to bid farewell.

but now, looking back, those nine months appear as a mirage, a deceitful illusion. the person i thought i knew, the person i fell in love with, was nothing more than a phantom masquerading as reality.

our late-night rendezvous, the echoes of our laughter lost in the void, our spontaneous road trips to escape a mundane world and the culinary escapades that once ignited our senses - all of it, mere fragments of a fabricated tale.

our weekly staycations, where the world faded into insignificance, replaced by the universe we created, now reduced to the ashes of fiction. it dawns on me that it was all too good to be true.

in this realm of disillusionment, i find solace in the brutal honesty that it's better off this way. for sometimes, darkness unveils the most profound revelations, and in this darkness, i must find my light.
it's better off this way
justine grace Jun 2023
here i am on a train ride
on it for the first time in years
when it was supposed to be with you this year
we made plans to travel more together many times
and we wanted to make it work this time around
but now it ***** that you ain’t here

maybe it’s for the best
maybe it’s meant for me to make memories with my girls
maybe we were not meant to make any more memories and be each other’s first time for everything

you were great, but you were broken
and you dragged me down the pit with you

as selfish as I can be as a person
you were way worst than i can ever be

i loved you with you all my heart
but now all I have left to offer you is my rage
i don’t wish you the best
i don’t wish you happiness
i wish you'd cry
regret
suffer
for all the torture you’ve put me through
it's been three weeks and i'm still in hell but deep down, i know that i am slowly healing from the heartache. days feel like nights and i feel helpless at times. but it's okay, time will heal this pain. they said you should not regret the past memories that used to make you happy, but with all my heart – i regret meeting you. i regret loving you. i regret dumping everyone for you. and i regret for not seeing your true colours since day one. i wish you the worst in life. karma might hit me but honestly, what you put me through is already feeling like i'm in hell so i'm good.
justine grace Aug 2023
In the quiet expanse of time, I find myself grappling with truths and untruths, wondering if I deceive even my own heart into believing I've attained tranquillity. Indeed, I am in a state of well-being, owing to the strides I've taken on this journey of self-betterment. Yet, the undulating waves of emotion persist – highs and lows interweaving like threads in a tapestry. Perfection remains elusive, and perhaps that's the beauty, for I've poured my essence into every endeavour.

Now, as I stand at the crossroads of zero, an architect of my own renewal, I embrace the task of rebuilding from the ground up. Metamorphosis courses through me, rendering me unrecognisable even to myself. Laughter spills more freely from my lips, though occasionally restrained by the shadows of doubt. Tears flow more earnestly, yet at times, I still restrain their cascade. Solitude becomes a cherished companion, a realm I delve into to nurture my soul. Simultaneously, the embrace of friends becomes a celebration of my being, an affirmation of the love I hold for myself in their company.

In this delicate dance, I witness the scales of life gradually finding equilibrium. The pendulum, once erratic, now sways in a harmonious rhythm. The art of relearning tranquillity unfolds before me, a masterpiece in progress, painted with the hues of experience and wisdom.

Time, the patient sculptor moulds each fragment of my existence. And in its embrace, I find solace. For while the road ahead is veiled in uncertainty, I stand here, resilient, embodying the truth that healing is a symphony of seconds and seasons.

And as I mend, I extend to you, a wish that your heart finds solace too. In this dance of existence, in shadows and light – may we emerge stronger, taking flight.
And as I journey towards brighter days, I extend my hopes to you in myriad ways. May your heart also mend and mend anew, in time's healing grace, may you find your hue.
justine grace Mar 2022
you know what *****?
waking up all alone in the morning, without him next to you.
you know what *****?
that all of his clothes you have doesn't smell like him anymore.
you know what *****?
no longer receiving forehead kisses and unexpected hugs.

it just ***** that you could spend all this time with someone you thought you'd marry, just to find out 5 years later that it wasn't going to work out.

if only, there was time.
if only, someone showed us a sign.
if only, we could have turned back time.

that's a lot of what-ifs to ponder, but I suppose it is what it is.

a love that was snatched from you in the blink of an eye even after the grieving phase is over, with explanations that you will never accept.

a love that was undeniably strong especially when you thought the two of you would be forever.
It's been three days since I called it off for good on Monday, 14/3/22. Pretty shattered if you ask me, but such is life, isn't it? Everything was fine until it wasn't anymore.

"Man, you really brought me back down."
justine grace May 2018
When I'm broken, you fix me
When I'm sick, you heal me
When I'm down, you bring smile to my face
When I'm in hell, you make all the bad go away

What did I do to deserve you
To begin with, do I even deserve you
You're so kind, full of heart
And you always see the good in me
Even when I feel that I'm such a bitter person

You help me in many ways you can
Even when it's not your job to do so
You make things seem alright
And that I don't have to worry about anything
Because I have you

I don't know
I really don't know
I don't deserve any of this
Neither going though hell in this place called home
Or you

But one thing for sure is
I am certainly blessed for you
Not just today, but everyday
I thank God for bringing you to my life
For bringing someone who cares about me more than I do for myself
For loving when I'm down
For believing me when I'm lost
Sorry for being mia. Just been through and still going through some **** but oh well, I guess life throws you a curveball and you just got to try your best to dodge it. This poem is dedicated for that one person who has always been by my side through the good and the bad, and has always supported me in everything I do. Thank you, my love. You are my all.
691 · Jun 2018
love taught me
justine grace Jun 2018
love is when you've gotten your heart broken
love is when you've cried yourself to sleep many times
love is when you can feel your chest hurting miserably
love is pain

but
love is also beautiful
love is kind
love is a fortune
and is a bigger fortune when you love the right person

love is going through hardships together
love is figuring things out together
love is saying sorry first because you don't want your other half hurting

love is more than what you knew and what you thought
love is beyond the cliche endings in a Nicholas Sparks novel or film

love is meant to be for infinity
love is only meant for that one person
for the longest time of your life
love is when you thought you found love before but was wrong
and when you are in a healthier and happier relationship

you now know love better
that regardless how life treats you
love comes along
the right love
and with that
you're free
falling more in love with him
everyday
every night
love is love
Love is about patience; trust; compassion. As the days go by, I am lucky that I have met a wonderful man that I can call mine. Everyday, I look forward to just seeing him even when we are only apart for a couple of hours. I fall for him more and more each day and I can't express how lucky I am to even feel this kind of contentment. Long before him, I was in a toxic relationship and thought that, that was love. And now that I am being treated with love and compassion everyday, it feels surreal. In the beginning, I was so anxious because I always expected him to do something wrong, always thought "anytime now he'll show his colours" but little did I know he was already showing me his colours and they were genuine feelings. And it warms my heart to know that I am capable to be loved instead of being someone to run their mouth at. My love, if yre reading this - I thank God everyday for you and you're a dream I never want to stop dreaming about. I love you.
justine grace Jun 2018
she walked and wailed for miles, she screamed for help, but no one seems to be around.

what did she do wrong, she is always nice, always wanted to make them happy but it seems like nothing's being reciprocated.

the clouds above her head circles around,and the crows gawk at her.

what is wrong, no, what did she do wrong.
This was the time where all hell broke loose and I was slowly hitting rock bottom. Sweet 16? More like **** 16. There were the days where I accepted that not everyone you meet are genuine human beings and sometimes you just have to live with it. However, with that being said, it hurts and breaks you in everyway possible when your bestfriends starts to turn their back against you and life is ******. High school is **** I tell you - not everyday, but days like this when I find out stuff that weren't meant to be. If heartbreak is sad, imagine losing your bestfriend of lies. That **** broke me. For real. And then they question why do I don't trust people easily. Hmm, cute.
justine grace Apr 2018
It was beautiful getting to know you
I never saw any of this coming
You prove me wrong so many times
I lost count
You kept promises
That nobody would have
You supported me everyday
Through every decision I make
Even if it was bad
You opened my eyes
And showed me a different new world
Where not everything is rainbow and butterflies
But with the right people
I will be alright
You made it feel like home
Even when times were rough
Simply
Thank you just wouldn't cut it
Because you deserve so much
And I am absolutely blessed
To call you mine
Here and forevermore
Time flew by so fast, and I still remember the first day we met. The first date we went. You are the first of many things. All my crazy cafe addiction, our love for Kaison, and on the way of getting a pet fish (start small first, we - technically him, he killed our first plant) thank you for doing things with me. For bringing me out on adventures, and everything beyond that. I love you, I love the people you bring to my life and forever blessed for you. I love you from here to infinity. Happy anniversary, my love
justine grace Jun 2022
6 months.

it only took six months and a scare for me to look at you differently. to face reality that we weren't meant to be.

if i knew what was happiness before? i was wrong. i was dead wrong.

our memories made me happy. you? not so much.

i appreciate you for all that you've done but it's about time i moved on.

it's about time i call it. that this is done for good.

that i'm done for good.

it was great while it lasted.

but until i'm fully healed, i don't think i can ever be around you.

be happy, love. you deserve it.

and i know i will be happy too.

that both of us would walk passed each other with our new love of our lives and think deep inside, "you were the reason why i found my soulmate."

thank you.
566 · Apr 2018
Good Riddance
justine grace Apr 2018
As a child
You always taught me
Family was important
Regardless the situation
I can always count on family
I believed that
However
Growing up
We weren't the perfect family

I was allowed to spend time with her during the weekends
And you, well mostly grandma
The weekdays
She wasn't perfect either
But at least
Before she died
She made me felt loved

I can't believe after all these years
You made me turn my back on her
Yes she could've ****** up
Or maybe you ****** up
Well I wouldn't know would I
Cause I'm always the last one to know about something in this family
But anyhow
She still gave me that love
Even til this day
I could feel it

Always wondered if she took me with her
If we left together
If I moved away from you
How would things turn out to be

You always said that she was this
And she was that
And I wasn't even able to defend her
But now that I'm older
And I'm figuring things out
I'm figuring you out
I'm finally able to realize all the faulty measures in this family

Why they both left
Yes
You may be right one out of three
But I'm going to prove you so wrong

I thought I got my heartbroken enough by my past lover
And now that it's healed
And I'm finally able to believe and trust someone
I'm content
And then there you go
The feeling of my heart breaking
Because of you
Just saddens me

I've never said you're a bad person
I've never said you've never carried your duties and responsibilities
Yes you have and for that I thank you
But besides all that
Just because of it
You think I'm going to stick around
To tolerate the mess you created
The person you are

Years I kept in inside me
Years you put me down
Never believed in the things I do
Always assuming the worst of me
Believing the lies people feed you
Over me
And you call yourself a -
It breaks my heart to even say it

I kept it in me for years
Never said anything to anyone
Thought that maybe one day
You'd realize
But as the years go by
You're becoming worse
Bad to worse as a matter of fact
Your favourite line that you love to use on me

I finally found the person that I am able to tell my deepest secrets
Not because I want him to judge you
Even then
I'm afraid because I don't want him to create this image of what an individual you are
Because you're still that person to me
However I'm a goner
I need to let **** out
If I keep this in any longer
Trust me
I might lose my ******* head

In this whole loop
I can't trust anyone
Not you
Not them
Not anyone

I don't know what the future may hold
Yes I may be with him for the rest of my life
Or I won't
That's for Him to judge
But it's alright
Because at this exact moment
He's the person I believe in
He's the person I love
And willing to make sacrifices for
He's the person you said that's not right for me
Well you're wrong
Dead ******* wrong

He's the person, the only person
I'm able to be my complete self
Without being looked down on
I may be foolish at times
Make stupid decisions
But that doesn't perceive me as an idiot
Am I right
Or nevermind
Who am I kidding
You'd say I'm wrong
So nah

I'm leaving
Could be now
Or tomorrow
And whenever
However
When that happens
I promise you
You don't have to see my face anymore
And unlike her, she came back
Oh, how sweet
But no
I'm not her
I'm not anyone you're trying to make me be
I'm a cold-hearted, selfless *****
Only to you though
So don't worry

I treat the people I love with gentle and care
And I found my family
And that's me
Him
Friends

Some may disagree with my doing
But I make my decision
I am living this life
I get to do this
At least this
For my sake
I'm done
Good riddance
My whole life has been a lie. I've been living in this bubble that mentally tortured me daily. I was always taught in church to forgive and forget, however, I'm already sinning enough in my life. So forgiving and not forgetting isn't a big sin to me. It's alright if I go to hell for this, I'm ready to face the consequences. Just as long, as I'm out of this living hell hole. Cause once I'm dead, I won't feel a thing.
483 · Apr 2018
what are we doing
justine grace Apr 2018
The lights on the ceilings keeps blinking
changing it's colour
following the beat of the rhythm
my perspective widens
as i slow gravitate myself
towards the many of individuals
that i share the same space with

In this big room
i observe my surroundings
the insecurity these people have
they hold on to
watching their doings
wondering what thoughts could possibly linger through

As they sway their bodies side to side
as i sit here in one corner
wth a glass of whiskey in my hand
i wonder

Are they happy?
are we happy?
am i happy?

We spend our nights
dancing in a crowded room
with people we barely know
we grind on people
as if we got no care in the world

Really, though?

Do we?

Are we ignorant?

Or obnoxious?

What are we doing really?
because
i, for one
have no clue
so tell me
what are we doing?
449 · Apr 2018
1401
justine grace Apr 2018
instead of seeing the sunshine
i saw the darkness
instead of feeling the warmth
i felt the coldness
you taught me everything possible
but still deserted me in my worst
i wish you the best
the only words i hope to hear
448 · Apr 2018
i will be me
justine grace Apr 2018
You believe in what people say
In the lies they feed you
In the stories they exaggerate
You assume my people are bad people
And will do me wrong
But the only person that might be doing me wrong all this while
Could have been you
All along
I trust you
I look up to you
But your constant demands
Your perfect executions
Are completely ridiculous
I won't give in
I will be me
Whether you like it or not
442 · Apr 2018
Saving Grace
justine grace Apr 2018
She prefers coffee than tea
romance over action
the window seat whenever she travels
ballads than punk rock
a hopeless romantic
for cliche scenes
roses and daisies are
the favourite among all
she loves all that
yet she'll love you more
than a character in the book she reads
she'll do whatever it is to make you happy
regardless the good days or the bads
you can always count on her to be there
she makes you dizzy
she makes you think
she makes you go crazy
but you go crazier if you don't get to see her
even for a day
because you love her
you have fallen for her
the way she talks
the way she smiles
laugh
rambles on about current dramas
and gets excited everytime
her favourite artists comes out with a new single
you love her quirks
her silliness
how good of a heart she possesses
and how far she would go for the people she loves
she sees the good in people
even when they have done her wrong
she forgives because she believes in change
but she breaks
she doesn't realize that she's just human
that she has feelings
that she can't fix everybody and everything
because that is life
people step on you and make use of your goodness
so you protect her
with all you got
even if it hurts her
you protect her heart
because you love her
because it's your responsibility
to keep her happy
and protect her from the bad

J.G.S
justine grace Jun 2018
Have you ever wondered what if one day everything you ever dreamed for crumbles?

The friends you call friends aren't really your friends anymore.

The family you once thought that is forever isn't much family to you, anymore.

The love of your life that promised you the world, just can't accept you for who you are anymore - despite of all the promises made.

Life isn't like how things were described in a Jane Austen novel.

Life is beautiful yet its' misery taunts us and breaks us down, minute by minute each day.

What is life without meaning? What is life without people caring?
What is life if promises are meant to be broken?

Really though. What the heck is life if it's all suffering and neverending.

If this is what you call living, then I suppose it is time to figure an easy way out.
It's 4.20am from where I am, and just thoughts I have lingering through my mind. I don't have the perfect relationship with my family as a matter of fact, my friends are slowly turning their backs against me at the time I need help and support the most, and the only thing I have now is my boyfriend. The love of my life, and he is the only person in my life that I wouldn't want to lose. He is amazing, he supports and loves me in everything I do but sometimes I can be a handful and although I know I can get under his skin, I love him for the patience he has in him and for tolerating me. I am never perfect but if you're with me, you're my ride or die for life. So thank you, mi amor. But besides that, life is just slowing me down and as much as I want to laugh and shake the thought of sadness and be all okay about it, I just can't. The past couple of days I have been losing it. My insecurities are sky high, my tolerance for other people's **** (hypocrite I know) are above and beyond, and I am getting so witty and angry at the littlest of things and I can feel my anxiety getting worse. I am becoming someone I was years ago, I am becoming this whole toxic being that even I can't accept and I don't know what to do. I just want love from the people I love.
justine grace Apr 2018
I gave you love. I gave you happiness. All that I have was yours, because I believed in trust. I believed that what I have built for myself has no purpose if I had no will to share. You were my purpose. You were my love. You were my lifeline. Yet, you deceived me. Fooled me. Make me look like an idiot. Standing at the walkway, secretly wanting you to meet me halfway. All the promises you made, you broke them. All the love you had, you threw them. All the happiness I had, you took them. You took them. You took me. You threw me. You broke me. Guess this fairytale is not meant to have happy endings. The books lied. The movies exaggerated. I dreamed of a future - where you were all that was to it. However this is not fantasy, yet a reality. Wake up sanity, wake up. This is not a dream.

                                                                                              J.G.S
justine grace Apr 2018
I want so badly for good things to happen
I want them to turn the other way around
I want it to bring light to my darkness
I want the dark clouds away
I want more sunshine and rainbows
I want a garden with pretty flowers
I want a life I can call my own
But no

I want to be called strong but not because I'm broken
I want us to stop yelling at each other
I want them to love him as much I love him
I want good things to happen but it barely even happens

Life is so short so why follow the rules
I break them yet I still feel bad
I am tired of feeling so short of luck
I am tired of feeling not good enough
I am tired of being everybody's charm

For once I want to be the happiest I can be
Not for love, friends or storybooks
Life
Just life
Just me

For once I want to be able to prove to them I am worth something
I want to be able to show them
That not all things that are bad for them are bad for me
Not everybody they encounter are the same people that I meet

He isn't like you
Your friend
Or your neighbor
Or your husbands

My friends are not like yours
That talks behind your back
Call you names when you're not listening

Mine are family
He is my family
Well you too are family
But they are more than you'll ever be to me
And that fact breaks my heart even more
Judged, for every move I make. Every decision. Thinking they are always right just because they've lived their lives. But what they don't get is, not everyone's life tend to be miserable as theirs. Their insecurities makes me the worst person. I am bad. I am stupid. I don't deserve things. That is my everyday life. Welcome.
315 · Apr 2018
TORMENTED
justine grace Apr 2018
He wandered,
The chosen path,
Where he took an oath,
That life will never take a toll on him again.

However,
His thoughts lingered,
To his last lover,
Her tenderness,
Her longing touch,
The memories
That felt like home.

It was misery,
Absolutely tormenting,
To walk that road again,
His love, his care,
Was never reciprocated,
He felt foolish,
The divine love,
That was once imaginable,
Turned into classic horror.

Where she would cook at night,
With his shirt on,
Oh how she looked so beautiful,
Standing there,
Imagining something different,
Something deserving,
Yet it was all deceiving.

A broken heart that could never be mended,
Where she broke his heart,
Over and over again,
The nostalgic feeling,
Move him more than anything,
In this world,
Which nearly brought him to tears.

Much awaited,
The healing process began,
He outgrew the pain,
The hunger of revenge,
And made his heart full of love again,
Never to be deceived,
Is one thing,
But never to let anyone,
Take away his spark again.

Imagining those little tender kisses upon his neck,
He slowly let's go,
So much so that,
He'll be able to get on the right path once more,
Take himself on a journey,
Where deceiving isn't an obstacle no longer,
He was hungry,
Hungry for happiness,
Hungry for passion,
Perhaps,
Past and future,
May never come across one another,
And find himself believing
Of finally accepting himself,
For who he is,
And for what he may become.
justine grace Dec 2023
may the day dawn when the warmth of a cup of hot chocolate cradles your hands, invoking memories of the laughter we once shared. and in that moment, my deepest wish is for your heart to overflow with pure contentment, untainted by shadows of the past. may the scars of your inner child find solace, no longer tethered to the lingering pain of darkness.

as you awaken each morning, may you draw back the curtain, inviting the sun's rays to dance within your room, illuminating your soul with a profound happiness that resonates through the echoes of your being. may the purity of your intentions radiate, touching the hearts of those around you, who come to know and love you for the genuine beauty that resides within.
wherever and whatever that may be, may you always find peace and comfort
240 · Apr 2018
Naive
justine grace Apr 2018
The most
dangerous thing
i can ever do
is be nice to you
i try
i try so ******* hard to help
to show you
what it's like to be a good person
one thing i learned tonight
i would go
to the ends of the world for you
yet you wouldn't do the same
i try to fix people
i like to think i am helping
yet the only person i am not able to fix is me
took me years and years to figure out
why do i find myself in this exact same mess
every single time
getting ****** over
friends turn to foes
i never believed them
until it happened
again
and again
and then again
always wondered
what the ****
where the **** did i go wrong
i thought i tried
guess i was wrong
about me
about you
about everybody
it took me so long to realize
til tonight
it hurts
because deep down
it was the truth
he knew
and it hurts
people around me sees it
yet why can't i
am i too nice
i guess that's what life is like today
being nice is bad
being nice makes people to turn against you
being nice isn't as nice
as you think it is
so there you go
i lost someone
who didn't care
but you lost someone
who did

J.G.S
50 · Aug 2023
the show must go on
justine grace Aug 2023
amidst the melodies of bruno major's art,
a symphony of emotions stirred in my heart.

his songs, like whispers from a distant star,
speak to my soul, no matter how far.

they teach me of the ebb and flow,
of relationships that come and eventually go.

but through it all, the show must go on,
no matter how the struggles silently plead.

a mask may veil the pains we bear,
yet beneath it, strength we wear.

for the show goes on, a resilient display,
a dance of emotions in night and day.

so let the music guide my way,
through the highs and lows that sway.

bruno's tunes, a companion true,
echoing sentiments both old and new.
happy birthday.

— The End —