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justine grace Apr 2018
instead of seeing the sunshine
i saw the darkness
instead of feeling the warmth
i felt the coldness
you taught me everything possible
but still deserted me in my worst
i wish you the best
the only words i hope to hear
justine grace Apr 2018
As a child
You always taught me
Family was important
Regardless the situation
I can always count on family
I believed that
However
Growing up
We weren't the perfect family

I was allowed to spend time with her during the weekends
And you, well mostly grandma
The weekdays
She wasn't perfect either
But at least
Before she died
She made me felt loved

I can't believe after all these years
You made me turn my back on her
Yes she could've ****** up
Or maybe you ****** up
Well I wouldn't know would I
Cause I'm always the last one to know about something in this family
But anyhow
She still gave me that love
Even til this day
I could feel it

Always wondered if she took me with her
If we left together
If I moved away from you
How would things turn out to be

You always said that she was this
And she was that
And I wasn't even able to defend her
But now that I'm older
And I'm figuring things out
I'm figuring you out
I'm finally able to realize all the faulty measures in this family

Why they both left
Yes
You may be right one out of three
But I'm going to prove you so wrong

I thought I got my heartbroken enough by my past lover
And now that it's healed
And I'm finally able to believe and trust someone
I'm content
And then there you go
The feeling of my heart breaking
Because of you
Just saddens me

I've never said you're a bad person
I've never said you've never carried your duties and responsibilities
Yes you have and for that I thank you
But besides all that
Just because of it
You think I'm going to stick around
To tolerate the mess you created
The person you are

Years I kept in inside me
Years you put me down
Never believed in the things I do
Always assuming the worst of me
Believing the lies people feed you
Over me
And you call yourself a -
It breaks my heart to even say it

I kept it in me for years
Never said anything to anyone
Thought that maybe one day
You'd realize
But as the years go by
You're becoming worse
Bad to worse as a matter of fact
Your favourite line that you love to use on me

I finally found the person that I am able to tell my deepest secrets
Not because I want him to judge you
Even then
I'm afraid because I don't want him to create this image of what an individual you are
Because you're still that person to me
However I'm a goner
I need to let **** out
If I keep this in any longer
Trust me
I might lose my ******* head

In this whole loop
I can't trust anyone
Not you
Not them
Not anyone

I don't know what the future may hold
Yes I may be with him for the rest of my life
Or I won't
That's for Him to judge
But it's alright
Because at this exact moment
He's the person I believe in
He's the person I love
And willing to make sacrifices for
He's the person you said that's not right for me
Well you're wrong
Dead ******* wrong

He's the person, the only person
I'm able to be my complete self
Without being looked down on
I may be foolish at times
Make stupid decisions
But that doesn't perceive me as an idiot
Am I right
Or nevermind
Who am I kidding
You'd say I'm wrong
So nah

I'm leaving
Could be now
Or tomorrow
And whenever
However
When that happens
I promise you
You don't have to see my face anymore
And unlike her, she came back
Oh, how sweet
But no
I'm not her
I'm not anyone you're trying to make me be
I'm a cold-hearted, selfless *****
Only to you though
So don't worry

I treat the people I love with gentle and care
And I found my family
And that's me
Him
Friends

Some may disagree with my doing
But I make my decision
I am living this life
I get to do this
At least this
For my sake
I'm done
Good riddance
My whole life has been a lie. I've been living in this bubble that mentally tortured me daily. I was always taught in church to forgive and forget, however, I'm already sinning enough in my life. So forgiving and not forgetting isn't a big sin to me. It's alright if I go to hell for this, I'm ready to face the consequences. Just as long, as I'm out of this living hell hole. Cause once I'm dead, I won't feel a thing.
justine grace Apr 2018
I want so badly for good things to happen
I want them to turn the other way around
I want it to bring light to my darkness
I want the dark clouds away
I want more sunshine and rainbows
I want a garden with pretty flowers
I want a life I can call my own
But no

I want to be called strong but not because I'm broken
I want us to stop yelling at each other
I want them to love him as much I love him
I want good things to happen but it barely even happens

Life is so short so why follow the rules
I break them yet I still feel bad
I am tired of feeling so short of luck
I am tired of feeling not good enough
I am tired of being everybody's charm

For once I want to be the happiest I can be
Not for love, friends or storybooks
Life
Just life
Just me

For once I want to be able to prove to them I am worth something
I want to be able to show them
That not all things that are bad for them are bad for me
Not everybody they encounter are the same people that I meet

He isn't like you
Your friend
Or your neighbor
Or your husbands

My friends are not like yours
That talks behind your back
Call you names when you're not listening

Mine are family
He is my family
Well you too are family
But they are more than you'll ever be to me
And that fact breaks my heart even more
Judged, for every move I make. Every decision. Thinking they are always right just because they've lived their lives. But what they don't get is, not everyone's life tend to be miserable as theirs. Their insecurities makes me the worst person. I am bad. I am stupid. I don't deserve things. That is my everyday life. Welcome.
justine grace Apr 2018
I gave you love. I gave you happiness. All that I have was yours, because I believed in trust. I believed that what I have built for myself has no purpose if I had no will to share. You were my purpose. You were my love. You were my lifeline. Yet, you deceived me. Fooled me. Make me look like an idiot. Standing at the walkway, secretly wanting you to meet me halfway. All the promises you made, you broke them. All the love you had, you threw them. All the happiness I had, you took them. You took them. You took me. You threw me. You broke me. Guess this fairytale is not meant to have happy endings. The books lied. The movies exaggerated. I dreamed of a future - where you were all that was to it. However this is not fantasy, yet a reality. Wake up sanity, wake up. This is not a dream.

                                                                                              J.G.S
justine grace Apr 2018
He wandered,
The chosen path,
Where he took an oath,
That life will never take a toll on him again.

However,
His thoughts lingered,
To his last lover,
Her tenderness,
Her longing touch,
The memories
That felt like home.

It was misery,
Absolutely tormenting,
To walk that road again,
His love, his care,
Was never reciprocated,
He felt foolish,
The divine love,
That was once imaginable,
Turned into classic horror.

Where she would cook at night,
With his shirt on,
Oh how she looked so beautiful,
Standing there,
Imagining something different,
Something deserving,
Yet it was all deceiving.

A broken heart that could never be mended,
Where she broke his heart,
Over and over again,
The nostalgic feeling,
Move him more than anything,
In this world,
Which nearly brought him to tears.

Much awaited,
The healing process began,
He outgrew the pain,
The hunger of revenge,
And made his heart full of love again,
Never to be deceived,
Is one thing,
But never to let anyone,
Take away his spark again.

Imagining those little tender kisses upon his neck,
He slowly let's go,
So much so that,
He'll be able to get on the right path once more,
Take himself on a journey,
Where deceiving isn't an obstacle no longer,
He was hungry,
Hungry for happiness,
Hungry for passion,
Perhaps,
Past and future,
May never come across one another,
And find himself believing
Of finally accepting himself,
For who he is,
And for what he may become.
  Apr 2018 justine grace
skyler
people change everyday
so i vow to fall in love with you
every time the sun rises

s.s
justine grace Apr 2018
She prefers coffee than tea
romance over action
the window seat whenever she travels
ballads than punk rock
a hopeless romantic
for cliche scenes
roses and daisies are
the favourite among all
she loves all that
yet she'll love you more
than a character in the book she reads
she'll do whatever it is to make you happy
regardless the good days or the bads
you can always count on her to be there
she makes you dizzy
she makes you think
she makes you go crazy
but you go crazier if you don't get to see her
even for a day
because you love her
you have fallen for her
the way she talks
the way she smiles
laugh
rambles on about current dramas
and gets excited everytime
her favourite artists comes out with a new single
you love her quirks
her silliness
how good of a heart she possesses
and how far she would go for the people she loves
she sees the good in people
even when they have done her wrong
she forgives because she believes in change
but she breaks
she doesn't realize that she's just human
that she has feelings
that she can't fix everybody and everything
because that is life
people step on you and make use of your goodness
so you protect her
with all you got
even if it hurts her
you protect her heart
because you love her
because it's your responsibility
to keep her happy
and protect her from the bad

J.G.S
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