sometimes i feel like i’m not strong enough to take on this life. it never stops. things are thrown at you non stop. you need to make decisions, even when you don’t know what to do. sometimes you don’t know what you want. other times you know what you want with the possibility of being wrong. it’s so difficult to relax your mind for one second. you have a constant feeling of racing thoughts. you want to make everyone happy. but you can’t. and for some reason it is so hard to do things to make yourself happy. you don’t feel like your good enough. you wonder how some people can say you are good enough for them, and wonder why the person you want to be good enough for expects more. you wonder why all of this is happening. what possible lesson is coming out of this. after everything you have been through, you want to be done. you want to find the one you will spend the rest of your life with, even at the young age you are at. not realistic but still possible. you want to be done with searching, you want to be done with having to heal. you sometimes just want to stop everything. or at least get one moment to have a blank mind and not have to think about anything at all. the bittersweet thing is, life does not stop for anybody.
My dog has died.
I buried him in the garden
next to a rusted old machine.

Some day I'll join him right there,
but now he's gone with his shaggy coat,
his bad manners and his cold nose,
and I, the materialist, who never believed
in any promised heaven in the sky
for any human being,
I believe in a heaven I'll never enter.
Yes, I believe in a heaven for all dogdom
where my dog waits for my arrival
waving his fan-like tail in friendship.

Ai, I'll not speak of sadness here on earth,
of having lost a companion
who was never servile.
His friendship for me, like that of a porcupine
withholding its authority,
was the friendship of a star, aloof,
with no more intimacy than was called for,
with no exaggerations:
he never climbed all over my clothes
filling me full of his hair or his mange,
he never rubbed up against my knee
like other dogs obsessed with sex.

No, my dog used to gaze at me,
paying me the attention I need,
the attention required
to make a vain person like me understand
that, being a dog, he was wasting time,
but, with those eyes so much purer than mine,
he'd keep on gazing at me
with a look that reserved for me alone
all his sweet and shaggy life,
always near me, never troubling me,
and asking nothing.

Ai, how many times have I envied his tail
as we walked together on the shores of the sea
in the lonely winter of Isla Negra
where the wintering birds filled the sky
and my hairy dog was jumping about
full of the voltage of the sea's movement:
my wandering dog, sniffing away
with his golden tail held high,
face to face with the ocean's spray.

Joyful, joyful, joyful,
as only dogs know how to be happy
with only the autonomy
of their shameless spirit.

There are no good-byes for my dog who has died,
and we don't now and never did lie to each other.

So now he's gone and I buried him,
and that's all there is to it.
i broke us

like the glass i dropped
we shattered
and the pieces were left behind
to scar when i think of you

every time
the shards pierce my steps
i remember
how beautiful we were
but we burnt too bright
then
we burnt out

maybe
i should clean up the broken glass
I feel lonely without hime, but everything reminds me of him. I need to forget. Get him out of my mind. Move on already.
It controls her
She can't stop it
It's a constant battle
She can't drop it

It has become a habit
She can't quit
It's taking over her body
Bit by bit

The scars fade
But the memories don't
She wants them to leave
But they refuse.. They won't

It's an on going battle.
It's a fight she never wins
It's a constant struggle
It's a war that never ends

It's her sweet escape
It gets her lost in her own place
She gets to control the pain
As her adrenaline starts to race

She grabs it off the dresser
As a tear falls from her cheek
She presses even harder
Reminding herself not to shriek

No one understands
No one ever will
This habit now controls her
As the world around her stands still

But now the room is spinning
Her head is getting light
She falls back in her bed
Refusing to put up a fight

She takes one last breath as she turns out the lights
Then she closes her eyes as she calls it a night
No one ever understands my scars
I’d rather write than speak
My pen is always responsive
My ink doesn’t judge my mistakes
My paper doesn’t argue
My lines never cross me
My sentences never disappoint
And my words will never leave me
i am so deeply in love with him
it scares me sometimes
knowing that any one of these days
he could be gone in a heartbeat
i can’t picture my life
ever being this perfect again
without him in it
i can’t picture my future
without waking up next to him
and taking on the world together as one
i don’t want to picture it any differently
he is entirely his own person
and a beautiful one
iv’e never been treated better than by him
he made me realize there is other things
to look foward to in this world
better things than what’s in my past
he is truly my other half
i laugh until my stomach hurts with him
we hug eachother until we can’t breathe
we shower eachother with love
i have never been more lucky in the month of March
than this year when him and i began
i hope i can be his happy ending
because he is mine.
If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.
The state of Florida is now home to the two most deadly mass shootings in American history. Pulse Nightclub was attacked in my city, I have friends who attend Marjory Stoneman Douglas in Parkland. My little sister often fears going to school. I'm afraid to graduate and leave her. I want to be able to protect her if something happens. I hate that we have a reason to be afraid... That it's reasonable to have these fears. I hate it so f*cking much.
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