Repetition of disappointment.
Am I doing something wrong?
I’m perfect in one moment,
But I’m not so perfect for very long.

Maybe you felt like you needed to be lifted
So you grabbed a pretty face
And my emotions shifted
To a more comfortable place.

And when you decided you didn’t need me anymore,
Or maybe you became distracted,
You let our beautiful plans hit the floor
And now my trust is further impacted.

I finally let another one in
But I should have been happy alone
Because they bruise me from under my skin
And now its dark where the sun once shone.

You stole what I thought would be home
But I guess It was never mine, you must have plenty spaces.
I hope you enjoy your stay, wherever you roam,
And take pleasure in the twisting faces.

Lifeless bodies left behind on your trail,
The attention must feel great.
Unfortunately, everything becomes stale
But by then I will be numb, melancholy marinates.

You're quiet
So you must be stupid.
You're alone
So I pity you.
You speak softly
So you must be afraid.
You're different
So you must have not been raised properly.

... *******

Im quiet because I  like to listen.
Im quiet because people like you have silenced me in to submission.
Im alone because I love myself, of it all.
Im alone because I avoid people like you,
who cant cant love in general.
I speak softly because speaking loud is intimidating.
I speak softly because I never spoke when I was young, and my insecurity is fading.
Im different because I dont want to be like you.
Im different because Im okay with me
and if you actually knew me, you would be okay with me too.

My eyes aren't drifting half-way shut because I'm constantly high.
My eyes are just tired of life passing me by.

I am a fortress.
I am built with layers of stone, layers of tolerance.
Inside, I hold a civilization.
They're not very evolved yet, they're not very wise.
These people have found some questionable answers to what is unknown.
They speak of a god who is omniscent and omnipresent.
Wherever this god is, Im unable to see.
My stones have been broken by strangers,
my drawbridge is weary to open.
Dead, plagued bodies have been attempted to be thrown over my walls, and my people have cowered in fear.
Many times.
My small civilization depends on their god and their societal systems, I don't know why.
But one day they will grow in to what Earth needs.
They will cherish and bless the goodness of the ground.
There will be a Socrates to lead them along.
I hope one day they will find that it may not be God they need to believe in, but their own structures of stone.
I believe they will find themselves.
And when my people do, I will allow them to break my walls.

I thought I saw a shooting star,
but it was really the headlights
from a passing car.
Reflecting off of my window
In to the sky.
It was just an elusive glow.
Hope does nothing
except let go.

What is the purpose?

love is a premature clam

with nothing inside to see.

An empty cave in the water

ridden with stiff eels

tourists ****** themselves through the large-mouth

entrance gaping, but no fish.

A pond,

the torn lotuses

separate from the slimy stem; coated with algae.

Holding my breath

but my head is above the current.

Swimming

yet my body is under dirt and limestone.

Love is a beach

without the sand.

I hear whispers from a shell

and screaming from a seagull

echoing within my carapace;

vibrations floating,

yet I am dead-weight

and love is the ship.

We are the anchor

yet there is no ocean-floor.

Your collarbones are still vivid,
your mouth still grasping the front of my mind..
Why do you remain?
You stained my skin so deeply,
you can see it in my veins.
The way I am is not how I was
ever since I respected you.
You marked my mouth, you marked my mind.
When I try to rinse, it bleeds deeper.
In to my bones, in to every muscle,
every movement,
in to my mind, in to my thoughts
and when I speak
it poisons the air which I breathe.
An everlasting difference.

I have to keep telling my self to stop trying to finish what was never started.
A piece of my insides has been tearing since we departed.
I still miss what we never had.
Ive been holding on to something non existent, nothing that
Existed.
You never shed a tear for me.
But every time that u ignored me for the sake of being solitary,
and then came back to what was left of a whole hearted manifestation of a being,
there was nothing but a shell, kneeling.
Praying to feel what she used to.
But u turned your cheek to all that is filling, nothing was good enough for you.
To even try, why would you?
Its hard to love an empty soul.
Especially when that emptiness is what you crave, and numb is your only goal.

The parting between your lips is the only existing line that can separate one from another.
The rest are illusions.

Sometimes
Im an emotional wreck.
I cry for small words
and you just kiss my neck.
I dont like leaving home anymore.
Whenever I leave my bed,
Im welcomed with a closed door
And dread.
You think Im depressing
because I stay at home
and all I want is a simple caressing.
I dont want to say that Im sad,
that would be selfish.
I will admit what I always had,
Which is that I am that door.
I choose to open, I choose to close.
I just dont know whats worth opening for.

There's only so much I can do with two hands
when I feel like I'm restricted to only one

The intelligent become deppressed,
while ignorance is blessed.
How will this world continue,
when power is purely within you?

I feel alone.
Where I go and how many people I'm with couldn't matter less,
when no truth of compassion is shown.
I feel like a piece of nothing.
I bite my inner cheek in hatred to those who cannot love,
until my mouth is frothing.
I know thats hypocritical
but I cant help feeling that the world is not the way it should be,
and that everyone is cynical;
kind of like me.
But somehow, im always that one
who cares too much,
that others leave with a loaded gun.
They dont even know how lonely I feel,
especially in a crowd.
Loneliness is my Achilles heel.