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Jessica Feb 2017
The point beyond exhaustion
The place where you no longer hunger for the comfort of sleep
You'd rather stay awake through another agonizing night
Letting your mind run wild with obscenity
You'd rather be conscious through the pain out of spite
This is the point beyond mental deformity
The place where isolation is more than meets the eye
You'd rather be here alone, with no one to distract you from your self destruction
This is where you keep the torn pieces of yourself from sight
You'd rather be quarantined from their pollution
This is the place where you come to write
Jessica Feb 2017
The sun climbs over the horizon, casting me into the shadows.
I'm cold and so lonely, my heart aches for you. My heart is so full it breaks for you.
If I buried myself further still into the earth, could I be swallowed whole.
Will i be born anew?
With no recollection of you?
What am I without your warmth, your laugh?
A bundle of self hate and personal anguish.
In the prettiest little package
Jessica Dec 2016
Forever a dream she dreams with no end in sight. No way to jump off this merry go round of cyclical delight.

She feels the rush of freedom, the weight of freedom, she settles for the longing of freedom.

She feels it brush against her skin riding the wind through her hair. It pulls her out of her head, releasing caution to the wind. If this drug were to end her, would anyone care?
Jessica Dec 2016
Forgive me it's been too long since I've seen the face of another man.
Kissed new lips or held foreign hands.
I can feel your heart racing, I think mines stopped completely.  
Fight or flight tells me to run, or fall for you so deeply.
You hold my face, stare hard into my panicked eyes and tell me to relax.
Not two hours ago I was leaving my home, bags packed.
My mind races with thoughts out of my control.
I'm overwhelmed, drowning as my kiddie pool of emotion reaches an overflow.
Throat tightens, breathing quickens, I open my mouth wide to cry out.
He holds me close, stroking my hair, he tells me he'll show me what "real love is about".
Do I leave and tell him goodnight?
Do I surrender myself to him and feel unknown delights?
Jessica Dec 2016
Through lonely country back roads we drive alone.
I'm a mess searching for light to guide me to a better home.
Always looking for a better place to hide. Keeping myself in check is something I could never get right.
Forget about the winding road to destinations we long for.
We were never worthy of our own self destructive behavior.
We were never worthy of the happiness we'd promised each other.
In my eyes peace is only found 6 feet under.
Hopeful thoughts will guide me to a better home.
With you by my side at least I won't have to die alone.

— The End —