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jonas ernust Mar 27
Crushes me
Rolls me into a ball and flicks me into a dirt mound
I stay there and breathe
dead silence

cute girl, why do you stand there
Why do you talk about your son's
I'm here and I talk about blue
Why do you go that way?

Why do they ****** me when I'm 12 and 14
But want nothing to do with me now?

I know my hair ***** and my nose is big and my eyes are crooked and my skin is ****
But don't expect me to be just sitting here happy

I'm not 'entitled' im a ******* human being

I don't
want to see a grey cloud
I want a *******

Blue sun, blue ocean where no one feels pain

I pluck my eyelashes
You talk 2 Jake. Blued eyed Jake. You've ****** 1000 men but you won't **** me.

I am real I am here, I FEEL

I drag the load. If it means scratching the cell doors , I'll destroy the universe.

You don't exist.

This pain is all thats here and now like infinite  subtraction
Mar 27 · 34
what it comes down to
jonas ernust Mar 27
pig hands wrapped in  your ****
  I lick It off  , whiel you squeal and your child
sits in the corner,

she laughs.
I cut her ,
  she laughs      and the rain drains down the sewer .

I plunge it deep into your head , ******* your brains     until your eyes bulge out,
no longer singing to your crow.

where is your god when
he goes on holiday?

''Wednesday is a good today,
maybe tomorrow?

maybe tomorrow?"

just say never,
I 'm tired of lies .                 I will no longer walk on grass,
                  I will peel ornages for their scent.

I will eat you,                 and you will see what it means.

daylight , 2 soon.

I don't want this anymore,
so I cut myself, and spill the blood from the fat. Crying in the mirror
big man
with gashes

               a                         angry mouse.

I wont tell you
what to do,                       just don't tell me lies.

                              no                             lies


Mar 27 · 26
jonas ernust Mar 27
why even write

                         I don't need to explain.

I watch the windowpain,
I  dip into a black sun.

what the **** is the problem,

yu drive me home ******* 6 times? and call me a ******* sweetheart and you're too busy? just to spend a little ******* time ? you dumb ****? I ******* hate you and hope you ******* burn in **** after I cut your ******* head off you ******* *****

                               took a shower,

laid in bed,
drinking some JD I don't care.

first time in about year,
I 'm boring and have no vices.         life is boring .
                     I should have

a killer,
I would have respect.

                                 I  don't need                                              

this           any                                                 more

like                           solid ice
Feb 25 · 37
Sleep well
jonas ernust Feb 25
Thank god there's no afterlife
Just nothingness

No more hoping or praying
no more dreaming

No more people,
You just go where the worms go when they die
The ultimate Justice,
The last laugh for the mocked and ridiculed
Paradise away from you ******* ****
Feb 7 · 28
jonas ernust Feb 7
the serial killer speeks

and he listens to Debussy,

and red handle in the stairwell,  a knife to the back  and a single sigh.

the moon is bright tonight,

and the shoveled snow
makes a puddle in the driveway
which seaps to town.

3 nickles on the windowsill, half a call to your shadow.

''I want
to dance''

She dances and it's beautiful.

if only there were more than 5 minutes to the day and 5 seconds to contemplate the buzz in the air.

sweet dreams,
  I don't need
to say more        , your smile says it all
Feb 6 · 107
jonas ernust Feb 6
I envy those who cry

I only cry when I'm drunk or high.
I just end up laying here lonely and empty in a literal cabin in the woods where I walk to my **** job to work with other miscreants and talk about dull Netflix movies.
I was a child with dreams. I wanted to be a rockstar before I started to hate what it all means. So I just sleep instead.
I sleep without dreaming
I talk to no one.
I don't even hate anymore.
I just sit like a shell and eat my trash and stare outside.
I want none of this
I just want to lay down for good
Feb 6 · 32
jonas ernust Feb 6
I think if this beautiful girl I knew who used to be my first crush. She would give me back massages in class and had beautiful purple eyes. Then one day I asked her out. She said "no" and it hurt me.

Anyway she's been dead for the last 6 months just checked Facebook. I had deleted my Facebook so I didn't know.
****** overdose. 23. Gone.
And what will it all mean.

What will I mean.

I will cut my neck open
And draw on the walls.

I don't care if summer comes.

I dream about flies and maggots.

I *******
Feed The wide     Hole

I dance   on the street

Screaming for more
Feb 6 · 35
St o ppi ng
jonas ernust Feb 6
It is so quiet, it is so still.
I look up and see eyes, I roll over.
I don't care.
I am in a glove, poked with a knife.
Now you try.
Weapons with no ruler. I gave it to you like ******.
Neck in my tie I dress in grey. Back from the show. How is it. I'm stopping

I'm stopping now.  Said the lost kid
Feb 6 · 30
jonas ernust Feb 6
Gliding past me and tapping and tapping and tapping, who said there's
Only one excuse ?

I break the bone for the marrow, so sad
So depressed I can't cry.

The cold talks to the trees and I hear the siren of a work truck. Downed power for the last 6 hours.  

I often speak of suicide, I won't.

I just lay down , and go to work, and workout, and eat and drink, and dream of nothing.
I dream of nothing.  I dream   of

jonas ernust Nov 2018
{.     } [.    {.  ] ]. [.  ].  [.      ].   ]. pacing up. a driveway in spring-air
cylinder among
  a muddy beach '''[[[[[]][[[.  pupil dilated
to  a satellite[']][[]]][[[]]][

fork-tongue ;
and half-alive ''[['';]]][[.  strewn across 13 lots in the cold black[[[;;[[

she tears
off her hand''[[[[[[

I scream for a second[[;[[
the window calls for seconds'[[[[[]][[ ]][. last seen today[[[[]][[[[]][][]

some things to be considered[[;[[
some things
to  be


sheer heart attack
jonas ernust Nov 2018

whats your address. I found you yesterday. play by the sill,

cut it up now. babe,
hens in a row,   fish -bat carnival.  ''2 will do''

So I wrote a story about some guy bob and he didn't want a noose

shelled out a 40$.  thatll **** you for an hour -

I love it,
love is like  a  dark glass zoo
Nov 2018 · 74
jonas ernust Nov 2018
you died 50 years ago,
you sing a perfect day.

you drink san-gray in the park,
such fun.

I pray to a green sun,   in a grass, with a woman who wants a spirit that is broken but
still fights on.



pines, burnt

and 1000000000 now crying out.

there's a lung In a bedroom
''speak to me''
''speak to me,

I don't want to die,

I don't want to die,

comfort me,

comfort me''.

I close your eyes,  and kiss your head. I say a prayer,
  I don't believe,

but you are
a grey tongue.   no need to say love.

love is here,
love is in 3000 districts.

I tear a line in the sand,
your children don't know,   'cause they've taken  their lunch.  

Don't be so

silly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :]
Nov 2018 · 33
jonas ernust Nov 2018
I ****** my ****
I ****** my ****.  I ****** my ****

a good 5.5 inches.

I don't ******* care.

I don't care.

    I have no family.   I ****** a Bird and ate spinach. I watched some grandma on instagram
with purple make-up,
she said ''NO''

I said ''  by golly the light is A COMPASS''.

bought a lantern
and 2 twenty bills.   no god, no singing, no sliver. **** my *** with a big strapped up electric bill.
working on a book after I find my head.

so I told you about the fifth?

take it now.

  she cute,  oh yeah .   I wrote it before and now I stoop to you.  the ***** is dying on 14th street. wiped with a green slime her **** hang like 6 plums. god tell me she's fine.
I don't know.

nick where are you. ? I have your number you stopped calling. I love you, I loved you like a sun.  plug it up.

dead berry rune,

scraped up.

you sit by a bridge,   itch it up , itch it up ,

you're nobody, just like everybody

else here.

Nov 2018 · 95
the letter 6
jonas ernust Nov 2018
I sit in a can .    I listen to a Dylan.    I preach to  a paper bag.  I reach out to an anchor and squeeze out 13  nickels.  I pray to a half-baked nun that rides upon a lawn mower.  I  **** a ***** on a grass knoll and she squeals like a god. I  affix a bill upon the altar. I snap a band on the seal. I don't try to cry. I cry in a dead -air.

-5 -5-5 -5 -5 -5 -5



  Someone had a chance when there was nothing made.
now I squelch it.

Dirt upon dirt upon dirt,

a rusty spoon, arm abscessed with ******, blacked out
with the soot
of a 1000 clouds.

I cry

I speak to my dead cousin,
my dead friend, sitting there all alone.   painted white, white in a grave, white without a friend, without a mother,
like a ladder to the night.

   faces upon a change-  saw,

  half- in a jar,
you could be the last,

there is no more sighing.  Dylan is dead.  I saw the last,  **** "U",

I am still here.  

I still can type the letter 6
Oct 2018 · 37
jonas ernust Oct 2018
dimly lit room                                 ;  I hear a cloud pass by;           tip toe
down the planks,  drip.

Stirring in some salt -         3 hours on simmer, touching  a blank canvas,
seeing through a haze after the fog
has rolled away.

You ask '' for whom?''      you're enshrouded by a black husk, contorted like a cashier face.

plugged into a jet-stream, forward moving, forward thinking,
backward  living, one of a billion concurrent movies projecting  an old worn out film.

I walk around a while.

I go walking in the woods and crunch the leaves. Cars pass by and I walk past.  A broken-shed, with broken windows, but no life.

no liveliness in this walk. No chirping, or buzzing,  just some hammering in the distance.

I sit down and pick up a stone. A crystal.   It gives me a faint-energy.   I  rub off the moss,
  and I toss it into the
mist .  Nothing in my head. I  don't want to be here anymore
jonas ernust Oct 2018
I've killed myself countless times -       I pull the trigger and lay the gun down on the desk.

I peel my brain from the plastic-film,  and draw with crayons.

I seep into the carpet, and I feel a warm hand on my temple.
She walks in
and disrobes

and I see a hole in her.

a deep gray hole  that blends in with the air.        blue light--  and a song
about living in the hills whilst young.

pull out a ******* sandwich,
who told you?       Sit down.  sit over there.          pass it to me.

puzzle piece -- hand-drawn,  lips pursed with heat;  

9-9=  3

I   am still a child sitting   on the bench  ,

and I still hear a crumbling          sun          and   it flows through me without
Oct 2018 · 46
the breeze
jonas ernust Oct 2018
the beautiful boy

the beautiful boy,           now.   a memory
wagging a tail

forced to sell
                                  listening to a stale

        in a tin can.

I HAVE a 2-day pass to Wendy-

with. no expectation.

BREASTfeeding.  the. nine-month old in a hot bench whilst people walk bye.
      facetattooos- and excitacy with the ****** firmly plugged in.

drifting away
driftin away

I am dying

I am dying literally, I.    feel the pulse fading.
1 2. 3.  4 5. 6 7. 8

pidgeon jesus,  Muhammad ****** my ***, buddha lives in LA,

cut out my heart;

I have no one

I have. NO ONE.       NO ******* ONE.
BUT A SVEN in Norway;

blackened by the bite of a hand.

no more.  forgotten. my last name is EARNest

I DONT' care anymore.  idon't care anymore. I gave up,
I moved. 50 degrees south,

I'm drunk,
I'm high. I 'm a nobody

just someone who wanted to ******* LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

I feel the breeze
Oct 2018 · 39
jonas ernust Oct 2018






and then I listen.

packed in a gross cage.

love like  a zebra.

I **** the clover,  I **** her deep, like a pulse in.  July.

no more sleeping.

hanging from your blum

god told me no lies .                                      stained
Aug 2018 · 70
jonas ernust Aug 2018
                                                                         in  a puddle

of spit
and dung,

cuffed behind -- you've already bled out-- - you already made your stand.

1,000,000 hours didn't mean anything in that
1 second.

now you're nothing. how I envy you
Aug 2018 · 679
jonas ernust Aug 2018
always a nice little resolve at the end to make  the prior  words have more context and make up for the drivel

               1 egg here
another   in the garage  behind   your trophies

1 kid in the tub

the other  in the grave,
and the other missing its head.

forward thinker
progressive -
savior of a nation called peru. mosquito dusk    woman  of   glass-shrapnel

receipts?  on the
forward now.  I have work today at 8.
how are you?


park it  and fill it    with all your hate--  tie the knot an extra time  so it  looks good  when it

jonas ernust Aug 2018
back and forth
back and forth            back and forth   back and forth  back and forth
back and forth
back and forth        back and forth   back and forth
back and forth  

                     pinch  your ear  
  and  pause   in a sun-hat                  corners

like a  sponge
Aug 2018 · 55
jonas ernust Aug 2018
I feel like I've suffered brain-damage and it makes me feel bad.  maybe too many nights alone does it.  my vocab is bad  and my thought process is dull and stiff .  I splash water  and burn up a little.
too  think I had it all  .

I   can  still point  at  saturn
Aug 2018 · 129
jonas ernust Aug 2018
rose on an  a leaf  removed by 3  pinches.  
  heard of the game
called emaculate tension

or no rouge
   for  Thursdays.

squashed on
a stick   in august heat and running up a dried-up spring to maybe call on your ghost .

My dreams are  dead , But sitting here gets boring
Jul 2018 · 38
Jul 2018 · 46
Jul 2018 · 30
Jun 2018 · 30
eat shit
jonas ernust Jun 2018
I can write circles around you

I can do laps.

I can breathe the poison

I can be the 'bad guy'.

I can be the 'hero'.

I can be the nobody.

I can be  the trash bag, with grain rice and 3 rotten fruit.

I can jump rope on a train

I can sing the alphabet.

I can **** the mouse.

I can spill the guts.

I can zipline to peru.

I can  feel the crevice and eat lettuce on a 2-day basis.

God-given rights
are not sacred.


believe in yourself.

& stop telling me    I'M NOT WORTH IT.

:::::_)   ::::)  :::)  :))) :) :) :) 0
jonas ernust May 2018
The immeasurable fortitude  intertwined
with succinct courage stimulates the
of a pronated septum ,

as is desired?

Thy  loveless *****  obsequious emulsification baffles
thine  heretic  upon  sullied

Henceforce, yee lay down
upon thine bed,
like  rose-bud napparies,  I spendlish  the immiserated

for  a moon-harvest,

and living.

real **** *****
jonas ernust May 2018
his head was the shape  of a triangle

his jaw  sat there  like  an indifferent  feline

his cheeks were the color
of plums

his ****** hair was light, but present nonetheless.

he was about 6'0,  thus above the cut-off range for ******.

The women would come in and talk to just him for minutes at time,
holding up the line,  but the customers didn't care;  they wanted to talk to him too.

& he would dance around,
and pop his Xanax in the bathroom,  and his dealer would come in and hand him some **** back when it was illegal--
and in plain view of the owners.

''Don't you see what  this ****** is doing?" I'd say
in exasperation- - but they'd shrug.

His beauty was good for business,
even when he was slurring   and   in a near-comatose state--

those eyes,
and perfectly sculpted brow,   and hair like an 80's detective   put  everyone in a   daze.

& one day he got in my face,   so I threw him over a counter,
and his elbow whipped back violently,
and he made a little  whimpering sound,
and I was promptly fired.

& I went and bought a beer
and jacked off

& I thought of those eyes, while so afraid.

and then I started
  putting in applications  for another **** job
a day later for Sears
May 2018 · 106
a scene at an ICU
jonas ernust May 2018
the guy sits
by        the window       as a car  drives by   and the rain pours gently
on the  street.

he says

'' I'm tired of waiting here'

and then promptly
pats his own shoulder.

the light  dimly  blinks  ,  and fly buzzes in the corner;
mildew collects under the sink faucet,
then in
walks the  nurse.


''why thank you m'lady''.

mr.dover swallows the pills,
black and shiny.

''ahhhhh  thank you m'lady,  just what I needed''.

The nurses' face remains pulled tight and she nods and walks back out into the lobby where she then interacts with another patient
morbidly obese and frothing,
then the door closes and mr. dover is alone.

''hmmmm,,  what shall I do now?''

Mr. dover looks around and notices a magazine with a CUTE ******* the front. Asian, of about 14 years old, or maybe older; they all look young.

'''AHHHH yesss.''

He then tugs on his 12 inch ***** for some time,

and itches his *****.   the light flickers dimly as usual,
and truck passes by.   A scream is heard in the distance,  and mr.dover times his ******* accordingly;

then without warning,
the nurse reappaears.


'uhhh yes mam,  yes mam'

She drops the steak directly on his crotch and pours the hot gravy on his belly where it pools into his naval.

''My god! woman! directly into my naval?!! why that hurts!!! OWWWW!!''


the nurse then pulls out a luger
from her back pocket and loads it with a round.  Mr.dover and the nurse maintain eye-contact for about 20 seconds
, before she pulls the trigger and her brain matter is projected onto a market board behind her.

She falls to the floor and a blood pool forms and she convulses violently before all movement ceases within a manner of seconds.

mr.dover, with his gaze fixed at the body is unperturbed,
and calmly spoons a bit of salisbursy steak into his mouth.

He collects some of the gravy and mixes it with the steak and eats it some more.

After he is done, he washes his plate and pats the nurse on the shoulder.

''you had such lovely eyes,
too bad you settled for this ****.   But it was all you could do?''

The door opens,
  and Dover steps out,
then eventually finds himself in the parking garage.  He gets in his green Toyota
and drives off whilst loudly belching from the Salisbury
steak and gravy as the
rain patters     on the   window.
May 2018 · 68
it is profound
jonas ernust May 2018
this site is too limiting

but the only place where you assume there's an audience
even though  it's someone
clicking and then promptly leaving .

I had   a   3 way

          with a         lantern           at the bagel shop  but still  forgot to tell you about the   overdue movie.

a reference to videostores
which are now extinct;   blades of grass,

chopped up by the pound.

I   cried
3 times.            

I wrote the same **** 100 times.

I keep writing the same ****.

i'm bored.       ****. a bad word.  a racial slur(the worst one)

a crisp and  a dead  giraffe
painted with stripes   and still walking home .

I pull the covers to sleep-   and it is profound
May 2018 · 39
I want an answer
jonas ernust May 2018
I  pace back and forth  in  the pink room   and pull the blinds    tightly.

Ashtray in the corner
near the sink.

Radio   by  the door.
hammer on the  bed.

fork in the socket.

rose in  the glass.

eyes in  the ceiling .     ***** in  the   shoe.                hair in    the   bowl.

kissing  my  lord.

kissing  it.
it all.

so much.

the  leeches  know now ,  everything,  everything, everything since before time since before birth and before the creation. SHOULD HAVE LISTENED

YOU ******* FOOL!


go by-
I hear bug.

message without a voice.
crying at me
as though I  could have known.                  a handy device  like   maybe for to  the cleft  in the dry hand
back  wards?   for the purse-chase,-  casted by it now?

I speak

to you


I  want an answer.
May 2018 · 43
jonas ernust May 2018

  on the wall

a           few tears for the ones who   didn't make it


i can't hate.

i can't hate   anymore.

I hurt myself

i cursed my self,

i sabotaged    my own  life--

and threw away my opportunity.

i kicked out people
who cared-
and   insisted on  fighting for me.

But  I thought I knew better.

now i'm paying for it --   and the dull ache     in my head  haunts          me  ,

and the dim

  entices   me
May 2018 · 55
no doubt
jonas ernust May 2018
back up

a  test.

12  on the dot

as it rains

turning    into  mist.

alive no doubt
May 2018 · 73
jonas ernust May 2018
this lonliness will **** me
May 2018 · 108
jonas ernust May 2018
It's interesting writing poetry  in  a content and non-neurotic state.
I just feel so good,

and maybe it's not profound,  nor even reads as poetry,

But I just had to document this moment

so I remember that things sometimes do

get better.
May 2018 · 72
jonas ernust May 2018
bing bing  bing bimmy

ku-   tooo--ooo --booo -

tteee   teeeee
   teee              teeeee           n
cone-shape  blac  

              smack  -head
pinched ­ in  fun- tal
ban   backed pack
            big   fo   kid ****

  in hull
3 skims
socky    low - loo

May 2018 · 53
jonas ernust May 2018
I could  write 1000  poems

and get a nobel  prize  ,

but at the end of the day

there's no closure.

i'm in this ****  hole,

it's cold.

i still idealistically believe that  the 'right person' could change things when we all know it doesn't.

I hope   i don't wake up this time.

I hope  
  everything goes away

good night
May 2018 · 65
jonas ernust May 2018
Of all time  in history I could have been born,

I'm here on  a computer talking to imaginary people
in   a box
with  wood-grain carpet

and a tv with a   nondescript latino face.

What does it even mean to be a human?

What is pain?

What is genius  when it all takes     is a **** salute,

or saying the obvious?   Or just loving one another?

Why does hate always get a bad rap?

Where  is  the exit?

where is   the promise,

   where is      the sensitive eyes        in     the    deadair room

with 3 chairs

where is my   participation trophy?

where is my  diving board,
my knitted sweater,
  cellular phone, comatose giraffe?

who's back do i scratch?
who's bed do i make?

where are you parents?

where is  

the end
May 2018 · 48
fuck it
jonas ernust May 2018
I'll forget this in an hour

just   like  a dead rose on the table,

or a box     of  
wrist watches.

I'll forget
I even wrote

''Jupiter   in bloom makes
for a                                   lovely  airspace''

Running shoes,
just like   the profile   ,  and the pictures,
and the posts,
and the blood  ,  and membrane
and procedures on the   cranium

baggage   without   ever carrything anything.

the load is yours.

& you'll   either live by it ,
or you don't.

      I choose neither.
May 2018 · 54
into the box
jonas ernust May 2018
It's sad that this all just goes into a  box.
just like a music genre.

it's metal,
it's pop,

it's progressive jazz,

it's Spanish celtic gypsy music,

avante garde.

Into the box it goes,   locked away   ,    and enjoyed

May 2018 · 35
with the sun
jonas ernust May 2018
highly evolved

highly advanced

16 cents in the pants  --  at the laundromat --  
with a taco   from   Jorje's

and a churro.

   2 crows staring at you.

someone going on about the 'poison'.


and     creak your mouth  in general sadness.    washed hands in the grate outside  behind the lot behind the 2 ft  statue   of a civil leader.

trying to lick yourself,
and succeeding.

up to 30 pull ups -- when the average man can't do one,  nice.

cold fingers
space heater

darts at the board.

******* 16 times--

dating profiles
half-open smile

3 toes
amputated ,  one in the box,  one for Christmas,  one for new year,  and one for now.

I  pull myself *****.

You shield yourself.

you  walk out.

you   kiss     the dead man ,  after  he succumbs to his afflction.

you provide the warmth.

you read  a magazine.

you   put on a   flowery dress.

you  call up   your   mother.

you dance in the afternoon.

you  rise with the
May 2018 · 43
jonas ernust May 2018
nothing is shocking anymore which  is perhaps a good thing.
That means we're getting back to content.

I love death metal  -
but pure shock is empty.

******* the fetus
with a screwdriver and bashing it into a pulp
while I feed the mucuousy remains
to my mother---

i said it, now what?

heil ******.


I'm glad I got it out of me when I did.  It certainly made a noise--

and that's important when
no one is listening
May 2018 · 42
jonas ernust May 2018
12       hours  is all it takes  for the shore line to recede and return into

a crumbling abyss
overlooking an  albatross prairie.

if There was no alternative
then what is your  choice?

I see she is a baker ,,   and      a mincer and maid   and protagonist
to a fairytale.

she is tall
and weary.

the nicest eyes ---    but still so  malevolent.

I take a bath in the cold air,   as the leaf  sits like a balloon  on   a gush-geiser blowing crystals 3000ft into the air
no room for the  wanderer.


I read the last chapter.  

What you said about throwing your own book into the night
weeping for what may have come to her
struck me as profound.

not a lot touches me.
May 2018 · 43
jonas ernust May 2018
I don't know if it's laziness or lack of ambition,   but all my art is for free  now.

There is no value in it.  There's value in a toilet-scrubber   and  shoe-maker.

There's no value in these words---      it's valuable to me,

but when i put in all the effort to publish my ****, and compile it,  and promote it etc, and only get a sympathy $1
it feels like an insult.

If it matters   then they'll have to come to  me;

i'm not a merchant

I have nothing to sell.

I don't care .      my dog is an
May 2018 · 45
jonas ernust May 2018
It always annoys when  you awake  in a sleep -apnea induced panic
gasping for air  and pacing around the room  as though you have a second to live
and thus must make amends with the universe.

I hate that  initial fear .   it's as though i'm capitulating to the entity that has wronged me.

I want to stare at death with smile--  not be  afraid.

Stand up to the bully.
May 2018 · 38
May 2018 · 21
jonas ernust May 2018
I hate that  I sometimes come across as narcissistic

i hate that decided to pursue art rather
than just get a normal job and live an inconspicuous existence
with an understanding partner  and  a simple home.

i hate that i'm lying here at 4:55  feeling sick.

I hate that's it's raining.

I hate that I don't like a great majority of my work or at least
come to resent it later.

I hate the fact that nothing  satisfies  me -
even when I try and put in a great amount of effort.

I have a better physique than 90% of people
and quit using drugs
and alcohol and cigarettes    and still feel like garbage.

I hate that
I don't trust

and generally assume the worst in humanity  and this life in general.

I hate
that  I see much more beauty in ugliness.

I'm ready to return to nonexistence.

or If i'm apart of you , and we're all one  'beautiful   spiritual essence---

I'll see us soon
Apr 2018 · 41
jonas ernust Apr 2018
anyone actually live in big bear? I'm lonely.

just a bunch of old 'progressive' hippies getting away to a 95% ethnic majority so they can be progressive without
the cognitive dissonance of avoiding the slums in
the mainland

The walks are absolutely surreal though.

I can spend upwards to an hour just throwing rocks at a stone wall

and sleeping in a cave.

i can die.

i make a bed    of leaves    and bird spit.   I speak to odin
Apr 2018 · 36
jonas ernust Apr 2018
I'll be rich soon  when  my Litecoin finally takes off.
been making a nice profit lately    and I'll be able to check in at the Mandalay

get myself a room   and 30 escorts
and snort some coke   and drive in a ferarri with a ****** while throwing wads of 1s at crackheads.

That's making it.

Really I should have been born in a   yurt 2000 years ago,
hunting elk with my forebears   and laughing heartily
as we sip
the honey    wine  and  dance over a   fire in the dim night  where time is meaningless
and death is only natural.

but I'll make do with my options
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