boys who aren't worth the breath you use to say their name.

go take up someone elses time.

I have too much to live for to waste my time on you.

I deserve more, so I demand more.

I caught myself today. I almost could have missed it. "I'm always happy to see this person, I have to smile bigger or they'll know something is wrong." But I didn't feel like smiling, or being happy. Because I dont feel like I am where I belong, like I fit here. Or that anyone else seems to realize that.

I dont write as much as I used to.
Not because I don't have as much to say.
But because I've found that I no longer have
to write in rhymes to find reason.
Because the truth is, I'm happy.

B.A.
JCM 2014 ©

Alone.

you know its spring
when the chill of winter

releases the song of the finch
with the ripples of joyous paean.

when the robin from her nest
does her up-down dance

on the miry ground in search
of those that creep and crawl

when mud awakens
from its solidified slumber
to splash rampantly about

when children peel layers
to run under the cobalt sky

JCM © 7/10/13

In fighting for you
I lost.

I lost the most important
thing worth fighting for
I lost myself.

No longer, carefree, fun loving.
not even close to happy.
I was a mess.

I was hurt, angry, scrambling to retain
anything from us that I could.
I didn't understand.

I looked at myself, I didn't understand what I was
doing, who I was becoming.
I still don't.

I look at you, why did you do what you did
and who did you become because of it
Do you know.

I look at us. and I realize. there is no us.

There is a you, and there is a me and to each
other that is all there can ever be.

Will we ever be happy, without us.

JCM ©  7/11/13

I can never forget how you made me feel, you made me feel
hurt, abandoned, rejected.

That kind of heartache drove me to anger. I wanted to hate you. And not just what you did
to me, I wanted to hate everything about you.

But that is not me.
  
The agony of hating would have been worse than that caused by loving someone who didnt
love in return. I couldn't do it.

I would rather be alone and loving you, than alone and hating you.

I am a lover not a hater.

I am also a fighter, and I fight for what I love and I loved you.

Thats why I fought so hard.

I fought to keep you.

To save us.

To save what I thought was worth it.

Because our love, however hopeless and impossible it was.

Was everything to me.

JCM 2013 ©