after you left,
anxiety attacks threw my body
into a fitful quake- a tremble
my bed couldn't suppress.

and to ease my aching mind
about your absence from
within familiar walls,  
I splattered blood, red crimson
chemicals on bitten nails.

they shimmer, yet
there's still nothing
beautiful about this
painted lady.

His fingers reach for the glass pipe and all you can think about

are his eyes

and how they’re the color of every city you’ve never lived in.

The smoke undulates from his lips

like the most honeyed death sentence

into the chasm that surrounds the two of you, and the words

“he’ll destroy me”

are ringing in your ears.

He’s a paradoxical boy,

with his shooting star hands and his nebulous mind,

that carelessly leaves his magnetism lying around

for you to trip over.

Perhaps that’s how he gets girls on their knees.

You have fallen for a boy whose words fall from his lips

like dark matter, but he is

trapped inside the black hole of his own mind.

He cannot fold himself around your galaxy

because he cannot escape his own.

He’s lost there.

The sadness in his eyes

is a mirror

and as you stare at yourself you realize

this is the first and last time you’ll love your own reflection.

Now, you will only meet up in the

liminal spaces between this life and the next.

He will come to you in daydreams,

this is the only place where you can learn to love each other.

When you are in the shadowy spot

between sleep and wake,

refrain from memorizing the outline of his lips when he smirks.

The sunlight will take it away

as quickly as it gave it.

I ask you to never break my heart.
I ask you to never harm yourself.
I ask you to be careful and cautious.
I ask you to be wise about the people you choose to associate with.
I ask you not to destroy yourself.


*How selfish of me..

Every night before the sun sets I write myself a letter to you.
Addressing the person I think I know.
Letting him know that love is possible despite the burns ingrained on our skin.

Every night after the sun sets I write myself a letter to you.
Addressing the person I have come to know.
The one that breaks the skin I thought was elastic enough to hold all pain.

Every night I fight myself.
Begging to move on.
Telling myself that the cracks in my skins are battles that have been won.
Feeding into the ******* the world feeds my hungry soul.

Instead, I know.
That somewhere out there you're living a life--
full of cracks that have nothing to do with me.
And in the deepest and most honest part of my soul,
I know that this is the most ****** up of all.

Hope fades as he wanders through the trees,
rains trickles down from the branches.
The storm has passed and the fog has risen.
Now everything is clear
And nothing is the way it was.

Sometimes I feel a sadness
So deep it hurts to breathe
When life slips to madness
And puts you on your knees

No god walks beside me
No king or country calls
No man is bound to duty
No cause is worth the fall

I'll walk with dignity
Right into an open grave
I'll take death with impunity
I'd rather die than be a slave