let me be the
wet fleece on
dry ground, may I
hear the sound
of jars breaking

soon.

If I tell you I love you,
what then?

As much as I'd like to
play with the stardust in your hair
and dance under moonbeams
to our favorite song on repeat,
I know that these are merely dreams.
They will crumble into the
harsh reality of daisies trying to
bloom during the frost
as soon as I grasp them in my palms.

Poets write of forevers and somedays,
but I know that as of this moment, this
will absolutely not
last forever and that someday
is not a day of the week, I'm
doing you a favor, sweetheart.
I've seen the aftermath of too many heartbreaks
and spent too much on buying
boxes of Kleenex for my friends to
even want you.

Whisper all the sweet things you can,
make promises of cottages and
chestnut colored horses, but
we are young and
we are fools.
These hearts are too precious to waste on
someone we can't count on to be there
through the thunderstorms and electricity bills.
We aren't ready for this and
you
know it.

I am saving all
for one day giving all
away, but not yet.
It could be you
it might be you
maybe.
Someday.
Forever?

Maybe someday we'll be forever,
but not today.
If it's you, then

it's you who will be holding my heart delicately
in your palms and it will be
whole.
And you will thank me, because

if I tell you I love you,
(now)
what then?

They'll think the scars on our wrists are
tattoos, and
they wouldn't be wrong.

They wouldn't be wrong.

I've been
waiting seven centuries for you to
meet me halfway
keeping a close eye on the movements of the planets when
all I had to do was to
spin a hundred and eighty degrees.

I.
with my hand clutching my heart,
i anxiously swept my feet across
the hallway lined with a hundred artworks,
only to discover at the very end
that mine was just
one place short of an award.

i run all the way back the long hallway
to hide teardrops in a dark lonely corner
until my father
came and gave me
a comforting embrace.
his strong hands patted me on the back,
my tears stained his crisp polo as
i buried my face in his chubby belly.
he told me
that i'm the greatest artist
and that no matter what
he loves me.

II.
seeds planted in me bloomed
into realizations
and those realizations bred feelings
and like a tidal wave
the sea of emotions
surged over me
and overflowed to my eyes
chest felt heavy and
my head felt light.

i made my way through the dark and crowded room
to my brother
and in front of all his friends
tackled him in a hug.
he scuffled my hair and locked me in his arms,
and i couldn't believe he hugged me back
instead of pushing me away.
he told me
that he was stupid
and that he was sorry.

III.
he held me back as everyone else went down
the winding staircase.
i knew too well that this day would come
but i injected myself with lies
that February can feel like forever.
but the truth prevailed
and the truth hurts.

our cheeks brush and blush.
he got me on the tips of my toes
and his thick sweater caught my tears
as we wrap each other in a long embrace.
i let go of him and dropped my hands
because the moment felt too right but
he hugged me tighter
and he swayed me
gently
   back and forth...
       back and forth...
           back and forth...
contrary
to the wild beat of my heart.
he told me
his final goodbye
and that he will miss me.

I've got a ring
a string
of keys on the table
I've got
gold keys and black keys
silver keys and rusty keys
round keys and square keys
I've got
everything I know I need
I thought I need
I think I need?
I've got
every key which I got
through every, any
means, but
why won't your heart open to any of these?