My shadow will soon be reunited with yours; entwined

If could only state how I felt the first day I walked passes you awkwardly staring at you from the side of my eye
How your eyes almost wiped out everything around then
And your voice, the moment the sound hit my ear drum, I fell for you
Sometimes I'd sneak into room
Just to slowly creep in your head quietly to read your thoughts pages by page
Sometimes I would sneak into your body and sleep in your rib cage
And sometimes I wrote songs about you
I could never let the memory of the scent on your bare skin and how your tongue tastes slip from me
But I now know I could never hold your heart again
And your buried 6 ft inside of me
I think there's still some of your DNA on my teeth, I know because it conjures up a sweet taste in the mouth
Oh no
Then everyday I would phone you wed talk about how the weather was and how the vessels in your heart pumped oxygen to my blood
Then one summer night you lounged and you layed you're pale body on my should, me and my heart knew, we just knew
But then you said "My love I cannot stay, I've been here once too many"
And I grinned the whole night but my tear ducts tore and I shed
Now I spend my days in bed covered in crumbs
Sad but I agree

Yes my darling, you are every unfinished poem besides my waste bin
And yes you are every thought that clouds the cranium space above my neck
But just know you were my destination
You weren't a pit stop or a cheap motel where I could kick up my fit and leave when the nights over
Its hard to remember how it felt before I met you
Now I slowly start to feel the lava rising up to my bottom lip and the taste of blood as it flows out my mouth
I feel the steam as it comes out my ears and fogs up my room

' Low lights and long nights
I try hard to not remember
And you, too beautiful
I can't look
I've done so very many stupid things
it's too late... remember '

I feel it again
The despair I felt in the dead of last winter
He said I should leave you behind
But I know, the thought of you will always linger
Every night I try to put you out like a burning cigarette
But the embers spark up my dry throat and start a blazing fire
I keep thinking about the park
And the bench we sat on
The trees we compared ourselves to
Your smile projected the light that reflected off the rancid polluted lake
The dead stars the lit up the sky when I walked you home
And most of all the clumsy words that revealed what my heart had to say

Simple words; you left...

I'm helpless, watching you get undressed with your black dress
Watching you fall back into your oldness
And you just want me to go

So sorry, you know things are never what they seem to be
But I could never say you never warned me
And darling I don't wanna know

You're heartless, dump your lover boy then he is obsessed
Touch my lips suddenly I become breathless
Darling you know what you are

My biggest tormentor and my worst enemy, lives within my mind, it destroys me and defeats me, this "thing" comes and goes frequently and it isnt gentle in the slightest way possible, it conquers me, it takes control, and it breaks me down.

What is this love thing everyone writes about? Is it that loud noise in my cells that keep me awake during the suns travel during the night?
If I may propose this to you? Maybe its the look in your infinite eyes while you look away with your mouth slacked. Or maybe the way the skin on your fingers rub against mine. Maybe its the fragments and the friction that keep me awake during the day. Maybe its the way your tongue taste or the way the moon lights up your silhouette shadow on my side of the side walk. Or maybe the oils in your hair or maybe the layers in your fingernails. Is it the length of your toes and the shape of your laugh, is it the depth of your mind and every bit of syllable that your heart speaks to me.

Is it the pain I feel during Long nights where I consumed much more than I could possibly hold
Was it the rumble in my room when you told me that you could no longer stay by my side
Or the smirk that stood on my face the rest of the night
The one I gave just to try sustain all the tears
But somehow they rolled off my cheeks and fogged up my glasses
As I said my goodbyes to the life that we won't spend together
Its the darkness that now devours my room
My 15 hours of sleep
Its my 4th shot of whiskey
Or the bags under my eyes
But now everyday I slowly become a part of your yesterday
While you are stuck in my today and my tomorrow
I'm pinning for her
Why yes the person underneath dies by the wayside

'In the absence of your love & in the absence of human touch, I have decided I'm throwing my arms around Paris because only stone and steel accept my love'

You wrote about me , and it hurts. I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am now. Its eternal despair, and the pain rumbles in my lungs and I soon lose feeling of my knuckles and finger tips. Youre gone, but your friends say you're at home watching Netflix and lounging in your lazy underwear and bra
I know you've always been the one to let go
And for some reason that fear stood up close by
I pray to the moon
And I begged cupid to go pay you a visit
And begged the stars to die out so I could say something cheesy like "your eyes are brighter than any substance the stars may produce"
Slowly my heart breaks more and more each and every hour, every minute of my day, every drum and every 80s break up song slowly starts to sting
Darling I'm in despair and random thoughts that pop up in my head like a tour bus and really bright Vegas lights, or a Scottish Coffee shop, or like the coupons in your favorite cigarette, or the nights my friends saw me kissing you and they started to cheer, they screamed and I slightly looked away, but you grabbed me by plain black T-shirts and kissed me harder, until your lip scabbed up and my lips became sore

' Hold onto my hands, I feel I'm sinking, sinking without you.
And to my mind, everything's stinking, stinking without you '

' And in the night, I could be helpless,
I could be lonely, sleeping without you. and in the day, everything's complex, There's nothing simple, when I'm not around you.

My darling