Jay Varner

Jay Varner May 2015

Who knew that decaying
Had such a good feel
One more stab another twist
You have another meal
It feels so natural
Just like a chemical

I want to cannibalize
On my own flesh
Self-sustaining bit by bit
Until I’m no longer fresh
It feels so natural
I’m not a cannibal

But I can consume like one
And destroy myself
We’ll die while we’re young
It just makes sense
I want to **** my own brain cells
Because I can

Who are you to realize that I’m not right?
To everyone to each his own
Pleasures that I can’t fight
It feels so natural
It’s almost rational

Jay Varner Apr 2015

7 weeks old

I wish that I had more time
To lay around and disappear
I wish that I could dissipate
Into the atmosphere

I can feel my heart melting
Whenever I see your eyes
Bouncing to and fro
When I calm your ailing cries

My heart beats for you
To aid in your restless sleep
I'll freely give it to you
My soul is yours to keep

For my daughter

Jay Varner Apr 2015

Where Will The Rent Come From?

Where will the rent come from?
I have a wife and a child to feed
They need me to fill the table
I'm starting to view suicide as an option
The other night I had serious thoughts of killing myself
I don't want to die
But it scares me that those thoughts were there

Not as structured as I would like but I can't figure out a way to change it and still keep the feeling there.

Jay Varner Apr 2015

Number 12

Moss grows and gets frozen over
And I grow and slowly die
From the moment I was born

I don’t think this is very
Healthy of a viewpoint
But I don’t want to judge myself

Silvia Plath was depressed
I am just a little sad
A few moments of every day

I think of myself as creative
But I don’t consider myself
Anyone of significance

I can only complain
I can’t express the good
Things I see every day

Just because you call yourself
A poet, doesn’t mean
It’s true, you have to make money

I can have moments of brilliance
Sparked by nothingness
But really what is the point

Jay Varner Apr 2015

I Hunger For a Different Life

I hunger for a different life
One of consent
Without Desire
Or contempt

I hunger for a different life
Filled with nostalgia
Without remembrance
Just amnesia

Jay Varner Apr 2015

Outside of my mind

My selfishness is unrelenting
My life is slowly repeating
Over and over in time
Two beats off from your mind

Everything is so distracting
It’s all so unsettling
But you have always been kind
I want to be outside of my mind

Jay Varner Apr 2015

Mezzanine

Your shift is on the mezzanine
Better go because you’ll never leave
Your shift is on the Mezzanine
And you will die here

Sleep is for a dying breed
Thirteen days what else do you need
Another day in paradise
I will die here

— The End —