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Jared Bogolea Feb 2021
healing is not easy.
some days i allow the sadness
to engulf me like an avalanche.
feeling the pain in each and every one
of my bones.

other days,
it’s r a g e.
a fire that refuses to stop.
decimating all in its path.

and then,
there’s the joy.
like gazing at a sunset.
knowing that choosing yourself
was the only way to survive.
and i am.

s u r v i v i n g.

i’m not sure
where the next destination is.
i’d imagine indifference.

and i can’t wait..
oh boy, can’t i wait.
to not give a single **** about you.
Jared Bogolea Jan 2015
people keep saying that it'll get easier
that the constant longing and
aching for you to be here
will subside.

but here I am.
laying in a cold bed
yearning for a warmth
a blanket could never provide.

and here I am
sitting in class
trying to take notes
and not knowing what to do
with my hands.

the only home I've ever known
is 306 miles away from me
and all I can do

is trust and know
that one day soon
I will get to say..

*"I'm home."
Jared Bogolea Nov 2016
i know that in this big, bad world
the only person who can save us
from us
is ourselves.

but wouldn't it be nice to have
a knight in shining armor
rescuing you from
drinking that entire bottle of liquid fire

wouldn't it be nice to have
a crusader coming to you
preventing you from
swallowing that towering pile of pills

wouldn't it be nice to have
a warm sunshiney, kiss
telling you everything
will be o k a y
before snorting that last line

in the end
the destruction of ourselves
only comes from
ourselves.

but my, oh my
wouldn't it be nice
to have a hero
other than yourself.
just feeling a little more somber today about stuff. haven't written in so long but i just sat down and this came to me. feels good. i feel better.
Jared Bogolea Jan 2015
it all comes at once
like a tidal wave
crashing and destroying
all in its wake.

what is there to do?
try swimming and become
****** under.

or give up
and give yourself
to the ever flowing current.

I guess life is all about
the choices and decisions
we choose to make.

and I guess in my life
I'm choosing to swim and fight.

but if that's so,
why does it feel
like I'm constantly
d r o w n i n g
Jared Bogolea Jan 2015
Does our heart ever really
heal from this?
Or do we just learn to manage
the pain?

Personally, I think the latter.

My mom disagrees with me though..
She says  someday, I'll meet a man
and he'll make it all vanish.

And maybe she's right
but it isn't someday and
I don't have that someone.

So here I am lying in
bed asking myself
w h y was it so easy
((or not so easy))

for someone to blatantly
walk out of my life
without any regards of
looking back
just found this
I wrote this about him
Jared Bogolea Feb 2015
isn't it funny?
how it's easier to blame yourself,
rather than the person who destroyed you?

it's easier to extinguish
the fire inside of you

than to devalue the person
you love (loved)

I will n e v e r allow
someone to rip apart
my self-worth
when they're the ones
who aren't whole.

and neither should you.
haven't written anything in a while
felt good today
Jared Bogolea Jan 2015
I think one of the worst things
about remembering bits of
you.

is that it always hits at
the times when I feel
the most bliss.

you truly were
a monster
you broke things,
I never knew could break.

and made me forget
all the parts of myself
I had finally grown to like.

but

I refuse to let this poem
be filled with the hate
you spewed into me

instead,
I will thank you.

because now,
when I look over at him.

I see all the things I needed
and all the things
you could've never given me.
Jared Bogolea Jan 2015
Winter

I remember
being a small child
and loving
winter.

I remember going inside
and being hit with
warmth.

the fire,
the hot cocoa,
the love.

8 years later
I was the icicle
on the home
I thought he was.

little did I know,
I would hit the ground.

broken into tiny little pieces
but
slowly I pieced myself
back together.

though it was too late,
the fire was out.
I was winter.

cold.
bitter.
shattered.

Spring

when you're younger
all you see
are the beautiful flowers.

all I saw was the
never ending rain.

but flowers come from rain
and I had been trapped inside
for far too long.

I found a field
and collected every flower
that caught my eye.

it kept me entertained,
amused.
I would pluck a petal off,
and save it away.

but you can only pluck
so many flowers
until you've decided you're
done.

I was still so unsure
but the longer I gazed

the more my need intensified.
there he was - the one

Summer

being with him
is like looking at the sun
while wearing sunglasses.

you trust a tiny lens
will protect your fragile human eyes
from this giant ball of fire.

but looking at him didn't hurt
and I didn't need a shield.
I didn't need protection.

so I closed my eyes
and gave myself to the
warmth

feeling the flames engulf me,
my entire being.

this isn't a dangerous warmth.
this is the warmth I felt
as a child.

finally,
I was home.

Fall*

will always be
my most treasured season.

it's filled with
chilly winds and
warm fires.

crunching leaves and
beautiful setting skies.

he makes me feel
every
single
one
of those things.

he is the chilly winds at night
to remind me to breathe in
the smell of fall
and feel its life course through me

he is the warm fire burning
my face with desire
showing me all i've ever dreamt of.

he is the crunching leaves
showing me that even
the smallest of joys can come from
one crunchy leaf.

lastly,
he is the beautiful setting skies
he's the oranges, the reds
the pinks, and the blues
all swirled together.

showing me that even though
things are different.

they can come together
to make something absolutely
b r e a t h t a k i n g
Jared Bogolea Jan 2015
"When people start to hate
they stop living."

my history professor
once told me that.

in my times of weakness
when you slither into my mind
and bite down
like you so often did.

I remind myself that if
I let the venom s p r e a d
I am no better.

so go on
keep smoking away the pain
you inflict onto others.

but I can tell you this,
I ****** your venom out
long, long ago.

and learned how to
move on from the bites of others.

it's a shame, really..
that you can't
say the same.
Jared Bogolea Jan 2016
i wish i had never met you
i manage to somehow stammer out.
in between the long tokes i take
from liquid nostalgia

but sadly,
even i know that's not true.

but saying
'i still dream about you'
feels as pathetic
as the shattered remnants
of my pride

i've always said
time is a liar --
only sending you
the warm, slow dances
in the middle of a room.

without showing
the heart break
that quickly came after.

but for tonight,
i'll ride out this high  (or low)



and pretend that you loved me
as i loved you.
Jared Bogolea Jan 2015
we've all been in it.
not knowing what to do
or just what to say.

tiptoeing around the parts of yourself
you're not quite ready to reveal.
scared that one skeleton
peaking from the closet

could scare them away

but you said monsters
never scared you,
that life isn't fun without a little risk.

so I took your words,
and used them.
I showed you those things,
that I said I would never again show.

and you never f a l t e r e d,
never flinched.

you fell in love with me,
fell in love with those parts
that even I was still afraid to love.

knights in shining armor don't exist
and you can't wait for the prince
to rescue you from the dragon.

but when you find that person,
that loves you on days
when you're the dragon,
treasure them.

and I promise you,
I will.

— The End —