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japheth Aug 2019
i've always thought

love

was an ending:

finally having your lips close to mine when i wanted,

finally walking down the street with your hands holding mine,

finally sleeping beside you hearing your heartbeat ever so calmly.

i thought this was it;

that love has finally settled down after running all over the place

– in what i'd say a wild goose chase –

but it was only the beginning:

i start to feel what it's like to kiss someone that will make my heart beat fast.

i start to feel ecstatic walking down a street holding hands with someone knowing they'll never let go.

i start to sleep with someone beside me, knowing our faces will be the first thing we see every morning.

i've always thought

love

was an ending.

only to realize,

it was the jumpstart

of a wonderful journey.
hello all. i have been reading my past works and wow, there's this inexplainable growth or shift with how i write. i don't know if it's a good thing or not, but i think i've been writing longer. anyway, if you have the time, do read some of my works. and let me know your thoughts.
japheth Jul 2019
if love
wasn’t meant
for fools like me,

then God
shouldn’t have made
you smile at me.
japheth Jul 2019
my cat bit my earphones

i am a person who commutes everyday with my earphones on. i listen to music and i dance to it. doing what seem to be small jerks to the public but a series of big and grand moves in my head. i was a dancer.
but my cat bit my earphones.  

i hum the tunes ever so softly only to find out the stares from the people i ignored the whole ride, could hear me. i was a singer.

a silent performer.
for the audience of none.
and yes, my cat bit my earphones.

i am a person who can’t live without it. i listen to music and i zone in. i cancel all the thoughts in my head and just be. in the midst of beats, melodies, harmonies, and lyrics i was at peace. the maximum volume became my version of quiet.
and yet my cat bit my earphones.

the cheapskate in me stops me everyday from buying a new pair even if in exchange i’d have to embrace a new kind of quiet.

the quiet shared by the people i commute with:
the roaring engines, the horns of cars following no beat at all, the shouting of the barkers and conductors rapping with no flow. i hear everything. i was a listener.

a loud performance
for the audience of one.
all because my cat bit my earphones.

i blame my cat everyday for this punishment. i love my cat but sometimes i wish she could pay for it or even apologize for that matter. but i have no choice but to continue my everyday commute without my earphones.
****. my cat bit my earphones.

the thoughts i can’t mute when i commute now screams loudly begging me to listen. begging me to write them down. begging me to finally piece together all the words i know will make sense when given time. i am a writer.
i just can’t help myself but think that my cat bit my earphones.

now i am a person who commutes everyday without my earphones on. i listen to my head and i feel it. putting together ideas and emotions that may seem unpolished to me but could be something great to the public once heard. i am an artist.

a performer.
for the audience, i’m the one.
all because my cat bit my earphones.
japheth Jul 2019
brainstorming

i sit down on a bus ride home and there’s this idea swirling in my head. i thought to myself,
“this actually sounds right. i should write this idea down.”
i took out my phone and wrote the first few words this idea in my head gave me.
i know I’ve written something. i know i’ll get back to it when i get home. i know there’s more to this idea in my head that will turn this few words into a sentence. to a paragraph. never ending word structures until i see fit.
i know i’ll finish this soon.

i put my phone down and stare outside the window. the view is nice. thousands of cars passing by as the traffic goes smoothly. another idea comes to mind. this time, it’s longer than a few words. it’s a jumble of thoughts. thoughts about cars moving, sound of traffic, the love of movement, and time passing. as these thoughts swirl like storm in my head, i pulled blinds of the window until only a slit of light passes through, a line of moving light flickering, i reach for my phone and open my twitter. i scroll through my timeline until the storm turns to rain, to drizzle, to quiet raindrops and at last, to a calm sunny day. thoughts i wish i’ve written, now long gone thrown in a heavily locked safe inside my head with the password written in a paper inside of it.

i scroll through my timeline again and i came across a poetry slam. as an emotional person, i cry at his words as if it actually was meant for me. as i continue to listen, the sunny empty day inside my head starts to create dark clouds again. it growls and rumbles, spewing lightning bolts down and i quiver. i am afraid. i know it wants to be heard but i try my best to ignore it. thunderclaps. it spoke. it rang my head till it couldn’t be ignored. i gave in.

i wrote. this time with all the words this dark cloud in my head gave me. there was no order. no structure. no idea. just words and pure emotion and i wasn’t stopping.

my fingers became a whirlwind. the storm in my head in sync with my whole body. i tremble. i am the storm. i stormed down the emptiness of a blank note page with thunder of words. rainstorms of emotions. lightning bolts of phrases, of sentences.

as the storm inside my head slowly turns to white, wringing its clouds to drizzle light rain. i add the finishing touches. the storm knows our work is done. it bids goodbye and gives me the calmness of white clouds and sun. i became calm and the bus stops.
japheth Jul 2019
sinabi mo sa akin mahal mo ako
naniwala ako.

sinabi mo sa akin ako lang
naniwala ako.

sinabi mo sa akin, habang hawak ang kamay ko,
na “nandito lang ako.”
humawak ako nang mahigpit
at naniwala ako.

sinabi mo sa akin habang ako’y yakap mo
na di ka bibitaw na kahit kailan
maasahan ko ang pagbalot ng iyong mga kamay sa aking katawan
yung tipong lahat ng lamig sa mundo
mga problemang di ko ginusto
mawawala na lang sa init ng katawan mo.
oo, naniwala ako.

sinabi mo sa akin na ako lang
na hinding hindi ka titingin sa iba
sa parehong paraan ng pagtingin mo sa akin
at naniwala ako.

at naniwala ako.

naniwala ako at ipinangako ko sa sarili ko
na simula nang sinabi mo na mahal mo ako
wala nang mas gaganda pa sa paningin ko kung hindi ang mukha mo.

ang mukha ****
sa ngiti palang na naniwala akong pwede palang maging masaya
sa mata palang na naniwala akong nakita na kita — nahanap ko na.
sa bawat pisngi **** naniwala akong may paglalagyan pala ng mga labi kong uhaw sa halik.

naniwala ako sa lahat.

naniwala ako sayo.

may mga oras din namang nagduda ako.
sa bawat away
sa mga masasamang salitang nabitawan
sa kada luhang pumapatak sa ating mga mata
sa mga di pagkakaintindihan
sa mga muntik nating pagbitaw.

naniwala pa rin ako.

naniwala ako sayo.

pero di ko inakala
na ang tiwala
ay dahan dahan din palang nawawala.

isang kandilang ilang minuto na lang
apoy nito mawawala.

kahit ilang beses kong sinabi sayo
na ako’y di mawawala.
na ako’y nandito lang wala ng iba.
na ako’y naniwala
sa iyong salita,
sa iyong ganda,
sa iyong lahat na.

kahit na tayo’y magkasama
ang puso mo nasa iba na.

naniwala ako mahal mo ako.
pero ako lang pala ang ganito.

sinabi mo sa akin
tapos na tayo
naniwala ako.
na wala ako.

wala na ako sa puso mo.
i’ve stopped writing because I was afraid i cant finish a piece worth reading. i had so many unfinished work in my head that I never put into writing. last night, before I slept, this idea came to me and i immediately had to write the first pew phrases down so i could get back to it the next mornjng.

today, on a train ride going to work. i finished it.
japheth Jun 2019
i miss my jaded self. i miss the person who got hurt so much his only option was to bleed ink and cry poetry. i miss the dark rooms filled with only the noise of the streets below and lights from buildings across.

the alcohol stained floors, the cigarette butts on the floor, the messy bed, a sight i thought i’ll never long for but here i am.

lived in different rooms all over manila. different rooms but overall same angst. i miss them all.

as i look again in the mirror. a version of myself with content written all over my face and body. i let out a big sigh because soon enough, this face, this version of myself, will also be part of the things i’ll miss after a year or so.

i miss my jaded self.
and soon enough, i’ll miss this content self too.
japheth Jun 2019
i have so much

lust

to give

and

love

to receive.
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