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Janneth May 2019
It had gained power over me.
No panic attacks.
No angst to hurt myself.

I was told I was not worthy
of all of that anymore.
It told me, "we are not eighteen anymore",
we got no time to waste.

I slid into darkness and it
welcomed me as an old friend.

"This is a safe place",
one in which no one can
hurt you,
you do not have to be
afraid of who to trust.

In here time passes by,
your dreams fade away,
while a feeling of hopeless
fills the room in.

You do not have to be afraid.
This is the perfect time to disappear.

Darkness hold my hand,
it gave me a hug,
"it is ok to let go",
it was time to let go.
Janneth May 2019
I wear bright colors,
being hopeful that it will make me feel better.
My numbness tells me
it doesn't feel right.

It tells me
I'm a hypocrite in self-love.
I never learned what confidence was,
that it was all fake.

This dress code is...
whatever makes you feel bad,
not worthy,
stupid,
annoying,
then, add some lack of laughing,
lack of sleep,
lack of friends,
lack of trust.
Add accessories such as,
being hurt by the people you loved,
being ignored,
crying on your car
because you are too scared
anyone will see you and think
you are a *******.

You already know you are a *******.
Janneth May 2019
I crave a heart
that can feel.

I crave eyes
that will look at me.

I crave arms
that might hold me.

I crave your heart,
which makes me feel.
I crave your eyes,
which will never meet mine.
I crave your arms,
which only hold me
when it’s time to say goodbye.
Janneth May 2019
Give me poetry
for the
sickness
of the soul.

Give me poetry
for the
desperate feeling
of being empty.
Janneth May 2019
I felt the emptiness
of the universe in my soul.
It bursted into living flames,
even my skin burned.

I could barely breathe,
demons had colonized my soul.

I had been living with this
exhausting feeling
for so long, my eyes
had them painted
as to show their most beloved treasure.

They told me,
“do not dare to act like you do not deserve this”.

Who are these demons
wearing my skin?
I might explode into meteorites,
to extinguish what surrounds me, what I loved.

— The End —