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Janelle Aliyah Jan 2017
the scale mimics me
every morning I wake
the pounds I shed
only show my lack of self control
control is what I crave
my weight drops like flies
but so does my self confidence
fasting for days on end
fighting my way to the top
in a scandalous war against my body
not realizing what I'm doing
purging each bite of food I eat
exercising 'till I see stars
my hair starts to break off
the end is not far
stomach constantly growling
staying up 'till 3
diet pills stuffed in my pockets
this disorder will be the end of me
A memoir of when I used to battle an eating disorder called EDNOS.
Janelle Aliyah Jan 2017
I can't feel anymore
I am numb
like bitter air freezing my bones
my fragile bones do not break
but my heart does
I don't feel pain anymore
you left me battered and bruised
but I can't feel a **** thing
I stare at the walls
memorizing all the fragments and cracks
food has lost its flavor
I'm a ghost of my former self
this can't be real
nothing is real anymore
not even my love for you

goodbye
There is one swear word and that word is "****"
Janelle Aliyah Dec 2016
trapped behind this glass
shards of my heart,
piercing my fragile lungs
breathing in and out
gasping for air
I scream but no one can hear me
let me out
wishing my heart was bulletproof
but you shot my heart anyways
and you watched as I bled out
laughing, this was some game
this was all a game to you
you never loved me

— The End —