Everyone can say they love you
Not everyone actually loves you
Love is something all humans know of
Love is something we live by
We write, sing, talk, type, paint, draw, craft, cook, sculpt: LOVE
But why do we insist on wanting something that hurts so bad?

I'm sorry that I'm not everything you wanted me to be
I'm sorry I'm not more like my sister
I understand that you like to be in full control
When you don't have control you get angry and take it out on me
You find all my flaws
You magnify them so your's look smaller
I miss the mom from 8 years ago
You have the same body but its not the same person
You're bitter now
But only towards me
Is it because I remind you of my father?
The man that abused and cheated on you
What did I do at 7 years old that made you hate me so much?
I think of what used to be and all I can do is cry
You say I'm an attention ***** and well, just a ***** in general
You don't like how my views aren't identical to yours
You don't like how I dress
You don't like my friends
But mom, I still love you
Even if you hate me

I barely recognize myself anymore
When I was young I knew what I wanted when I grew up
Am I even growing anymore?
I feel stuck
I can't breathe here anymore
I've become too large for this small town
How will I get out without the brains or the talent to do it?
Am I here for a reason?
What is my life supposed to look like?
I feel like I've made a wrong turn in the universe
My heart is somewhere else and I can't find it
It left without saying goodbye
Where am I meant to end up?
How am I supposed to get there?
Why am I going through these things?
Do I even matter anymore?
Have I done all I can for this world and now am I just waiting for death?

I didn't want to send you pictures of my body
Naked and vulnerable
I told you no
You say please
I say no
You get angry
How dare I not fold like paper under your command
"You're just a little ****" you say
You called me a **** for not wanting to strip for you
You called me a **** because I did not let you control me
I am not a ****
I am not your puppet
Don't whisper these lies into my ear after tearing me apart with just your words
Don't tell me you're sorry
You meant what you said

I can't stop thinking about that dream,
I know instantly what it means,
You in my arms in paradise,
But do I act upon it?

Or should I let you be the one that got away?
Should I let you play with that boy?
It really hurts my heart to know that I am scared,
of saying the words to you.

I don't have the courage to walk up to you,
Tell me otherwise what I should do,
Should I have another dream to fulfill my means?

I fell for you way long ago but I never told you,
Cause I know the answer above all else,
Maybe you'll see this poem,
And regret talking to me.

I don't have the courage to walk up to you,
Tell me otherwise what I should do,
Should I have another dream to fulfill my means?

I know I lied to you,
about everything feeling that I have,
I just didn't want to lose you,
You're the only one that I got.

I don't have the courage to walk up to you,
Tell me otherwise what I should do,
Should I have another dream to fulfill my means?

I've walked myself into a hole,
Your love has lost himself,
Can't stop talking about the other girl,
That he separated from.

I don't have the courage to walk up to you,
Tell me otherwise what I should do,
Should I have another dream to fulfill my means?

Now I want to fulfill you,
Make you happy again,
Give you something that you deserve,
Even if I can't be with you.
Even if I can't be with you.

You will be hurt
You will cry over boys that don't even deserve a glance from you
At some points, you'll wonder why you're still alive
You'll lose friends you thought were going to stay forever
You're going to try to push everyone away and only the people who really love you will stay
You're going to go through hell and back
You'll fall in love with people who leave
You'll break hearts
You will find you are so much stronger than you or anyone thought
You'll have amazing experiences
You'll become friends with the best people in the world
You'll be glad you survived everything you have
I promise its worth it and I wouldn't change a thing