Let me find you, be discovered. I understand you found another. I know your far past over me, but I can't say I'm over you because memories spark like when you would used to stuff your shoes. I remember you were afraid to lose me and I was afraid too but I never expected you to become my enemy until I lost you.
As I'm thinking this won't last I'm thinking back to the past when I remember what it felt like to truly love someone. Presently I understand that I'm not in love with this man. I am sorry though, I didn't mean to do you wrong I didn't mean to make you sad, and I didn't mean to make you frown. It's just the memories of him become trapped in my brain. I have no way of releasing them. You have to understand I was broken before shipped to you. Without bubble wrap leaves potential cracks and bruises. I care and love you with all my heart but this must come to an end because it's not fair to you that I play pretend. I don't like you as a lover but as a friend. You are a kind man who took my hand and showed me how a man should treat a women, but I guess Cupid forgot to hit me after hitting you.
When did everything change?
When did I become fuckable,
When did I become a late nite visit,
But not a dinner date?
When did I become a "need company?" text,
But not the "let's go out" call?
When did I become a 2am text
And not a 2pm "how's your day" call?
When did I become that girl?
Not a person
Not a soul
But just a good time.
I was stuck without a paddle
In loves pool
My legs grew tired of treading water
My arms became weak and floppy
Like an old mans ****
My hopes of finding land were washed away in the swift currents beneath my feet
I was done for
A goner for sure
But as I was slipping into the deep
With my arms stretched out toward the dying sun above me
Everything went dark
A hand pulled me out
And onto a raft made of wilting roses and dying romance
I glanced into the eyes of my savior
And saw it was you
You pulled me out before I could drown
And when you looked back at me
The roses started to bloom once more
And I realized something both equally horrible and magnificent
That no matter how hard you try to hold on
Sooner or later
Broken hearts mend
And you either move on
Or you sink forever with those rocks in your pocket
Where sunless rivers weep
Their waves into the deep,
She sleeps a charmed sleep:
Awake her not.
Led by a single star,
She came from very far
To seek where shadows are
Her pleasant lot.
She left the rosy morn,
She left the fields of corn,
For twilight cold and lorn
And water springs.
Through sleep, as through a veil,
She sees the sky look pale,
And hears the nightingale
That sadly sings.
Rest, rest, a perfect rest
Shed over brow and breast;
Her face is toward the west,
The purple land.
She cannot see the grain
Ripening on hill and plain;
She cannot feel the rain
Upon her hand.
Rest, rest, for evermore
Upon a mossy shore;
Rest, rest at the heart's core
Till time shall cease:
Sleep that no pain shall wake;
Night that no morn shall break
Till joy shall overtake
Her perfect peace.
We are lying together, entwined
As you tell me about that one time
You fell in love with an explorer.
You tell me about how you both lay side by side,
And with eyes wide, she pointed out to you her favorite constellations
As you marked your favorite constellations of freckles
On the wide expanse of her skin.
You tell me about the mountains you have traversed together;
You tell me your relationship was an uphill battle every step of the way-
But with hope for the future,
And then one day,
She got tired of the constant uphill battle.
She got tired of waiting for shooting stars;
She got tired of you.
From then on, your heart was filled with hatred for
adrenaline junkies and explorers.
You, yourself, are an explorer
With huge hopes and dreams
And your heart on your sleeve.
I can see it in the way your eyes sparkle
Whenever there is a hint of adventure;
In the way you give your heart out freely,
Wishing that one of the places you yearn to settle down in
Accepts you with open arms.
(I still pray for the day
When you'll wish to settle here.
But for the time being,
I shall patiently wait for your arrival.)