Hello father,
I'm the son you never knew.
Although I wish there was some way I could have known you.
Maybe then I wouldn't have had to endure some of the things I've gone through.
Don't get me wrong it's not at all that I blame you.
But I'm a man now with his heart still split in two.

I sometimes feel mad but more often sad, that I have a father that I never had.
I know it's been along time since you've died.
But it doesn't ease the questions and pain deep inside.
Memories of a pants leg and old photos is all of you I saw.
Now that you're gone, who will my children call grandpa?

Even with all of this being said it should've been so in your living years not after you're dead.
About that there's nothing we can do.
Truth be known I can honestly say ...I love the idea of you.

You probably didn't even know my name.

Sitting here in this chair,
across from me sits loneliness and despair.
Heartache plays solitaire.
Anger shoots love a menacing glare.
While sadness stands at the window...and stares.

Poor, poor angry soul.
What's the secret to your control?
Like Banner said staring blankly.
"There is no secret.... I'm always angry."

Angry about what the world has become.
Why society only favors some?
We are becoming a people without love.
Following the eagle instead of the dove.

Angry about the reason poverty thrives
Why the rich get richer like they're breaking out in hives?
Angry about our economy breaking down.
Doesn't matter who's fault it is...
White, Black, Yellow or Brown.

Angry about why people can't find a job.
Leaving them to beg, borrow, steal and rob.
I could go on and on just hope I'm not on my own.
But for now I'll leave well enough alone.

I shine only because you make it so.
I fly only because beneath my wings
your wind blows.
I speak only because you are my words.
I hear and your name is the most beautiful
I've ever heard.
I breathe only because you are my every breath.
You are my life...you shall be my death.
But even in death, we shall not part.
For you are the only reason I love...
the only reason I have a heart.

I know that you love me.
I know that you care.
I know that there's not anything
that you wouldn't share.
I know when I need someone,
you'll always be there.
I know you'll help carry the weight,
that I can not bear.
I know your love for me,
will never reach a plateau.
For that I am eternally grateful...
but I'm bleeding all I know.

I have held a cold hand.
I have kissed cold lips.
I have traced a cold face with my finger tips.
But never have I been so torn apart...
Than to stare into warm eyes with such a cold, cold heart.

I am a dark illumination.
Ficticious realization.
A monotonous mutation of
united segregation.
An evolutionary creation.
A negative affirmation.
Loyal to indifferent dedication.
A fan of natural artificial insemination.
A victim of ignorant education.
A truthful illusion or factual delusion.
Either way this begins my conclusion.

I'm not delusional.
I'm insane.
I have amnesia,
or is that my name?
I must have caught
the crazy reason train,
or it could be my loco motive brain.

Twenty years ago, i saw you yesterday.
The memories of you linger and
refuse to go away.
From the moment our eyes met
Until the minute our lips would part.
I knew that you'd be the life and death
of me and my heart.
I did not realize my existence in purgatory
would last so long.
I thought I could move on...I guess i was wrong.
So I'll just stay here until I am put
in the ground... Into that void of silence
where I'll cry without sound.

She touches me and knows not why and that frightens her.
She's the only one that can make me cry, so she wonders.
How can I let her know I'm no threat just an admirer.
I only wish to touch her kaleidoscope heart as when friends confer.
Yet she watches me from a distance and that distance she keeps.
The longer she stays away the harder my battered soul weeps.
I have no dark motive nor any sinister plans.
Even if I desired, I could never be what she demands.
I guess convincing her of this is completely out of my hands.
So in the darkess corner of her mind is where I'll remain...is where I'll stand.

Who are we? Why are we?
Are we heavenly or do we come from the sea?
Dig the questions, as to unearth the answers.
Believe or rely on necromancers.
For we are such tiny dancers,
it is difficult for us to see the cancers.
Jumping place to place like freelancers.
Are we given the the gift of love only to unlove?
I don't know...ask the white dove.
Immaculately touched.
He knows the directions to the one above,
He wants for us so much.


Never mind me ...I'm just vibing here...ha...yeah.

Looks as though I've lost my friend.
Seems she broke while trying to bend.
Thought we'd find a way to blend.
Together we would endure that dreadful sin.
But your shattered heart would not mend.

Don't tell me goodbye... again.

Broken Silence...we should have kept,
all the reasons that you wept.
Slipped right by me while I slept.
Didn't hear you as you left.
Now my broken heart shall not mend.

If you tell me goodbye... again.

Life is hard and often unfair.
Doesn't mean that no one cares.
Put the pills down get some fresh air.
Pretend I'm there brushing your hair.

Try to love life ...again.
Don't leave me here alone...my friend.

As the earth turns,
I dreamed you were here with me.
I sometimes dream you even
when I can see you clearly.

Inside a fire burns
as I fantasize my world
often imagining your feelings
even as we're kissing.

Shall I ever learn,
that you don't belong with me?
Your heart is someone else's,
your eyes are blind to me.

So now it's my turn
to be the one who cries.
Isn't it astounding how one lives
while the other dies?

Have you ever stopped to think?
In deep thought just sink.
To smell the flowers within the ink.
Just stare, don't blink.
You see the things that made you glad.
Your whole world was in sync.
Then paints a picture so very sad...
Some flowers...really stink.

I look into a violet sky,
traveling through the years
of chaos and peace.
Searching for clarity, as paisley tears
seek release.
I'm gone I know.
But to know yourself,
there are places you must go...
I have a hard time leaving.

Wishing for rain...
Yet lady precipitation doesn't
seem to know my name.
Of me, this is a selfish act.
For as she replenishes the earth,
she restores emotions I lack and...
have a hard time retrieving.

As night falls,
the stars become clear.
An angel whispers sweetly in my ear...
"I am by your side."
I have a hard time believing.

I'm gone I know.
But to know yourself,
there are places you must go...
I have a hard time leaving.

Why is it so hard for those who forgive...
To be forgiven?

Why is it so hard for those that are not dead...
To go on livin'?

Why is it for some who love, can't find themselves in it,
And so easy for those that can...take it for granted?

You know things of this nature tend to make a person bitter.
Making it hard for them to shine and sparkle like glitter.

Why are hearts so disconnected?
Why is hate so persued and
love so neglected?
Why are smiles so rejected while a
grimace is thoroughly respected?

How is it that common courtesy
Is so hard to be projected?
When rudeness and pompousness
are praised and erected?

Why are good deeds and hard work scrutinized
and dissected?
When selfishness and greed are voted on and elected?

Why do the needs of the many go so undetected?
While the wants of the few are sought out and collected?
Why are the rights of some being constantly injected,
while the rights of others are going unprotected?

I guess humanity has been misdirected.
Technology has replaced what really makes us
socially connected.
Is there any way for the family unit to be resurrected?
For us ...the human race to truly be interconnected?

I don't know...Why is life never what is expected?

I do not wish to know me,
If it means looking down upon my
fellow man.
I do not wish to know me,
If it means the disintergration of
my capacity to understand.
I do not wish to know me,
If it means my selflessness
breaks under the weight of selfishness.
I do not wish to know me,
If it means that when thy hands are cold
I give thee not my gloves.
I do not wish to know me,
If it means loosing my ability to love.
No i do not wish to know me.

Hold me like a mother.
Kiss me like a sister.
Teach me like a father.
That I may be your brother.

I try to speak from my heart,
but there's no "heart" from which to speak.
This mass of muscle residing within my chest,
is only there to keep me alive at best...
for it is tired and weak.

I try to speak my mind,
but it drowns in a sea of hydrangea.
Perhaps it serves me well as an anesthesia...
to dull the pain that wreaks.

I try to speak with my hand,
but the words won't come out right.
Early stages of arthr won't allow me
to  write... for he contorts its speech.

I try to speak with my mouth,
But my tongue has been tied.
Like the heart with no love.
The mind devoid of thought.
The hand without muse...
all have died.

There are things... in...this life
that should make me mad. Yet,
I'm Just A Man Eternally Sad.

I know there is good
as well as bad, but...
I'm Just A Man Eternally Sad.

I think of the love i've given,
the love i've had. Still...
I'm Just A Man Eternally Sad.

With all of my blessings,
I should be infinitely glad.
Yet to no avail...
I'm Just A Man Eternally Sad.

My love was pure.
My lover was not.
Can my heart endure,
this painful little spot?
I think to myself.
Who am I to judge?
Take the stain remover
from the shelf,
it's just a little smudge.

Lately
I've tried desperately to delete me.
I guess it's not really up to me
to successfully destroy what i did not create.

Truly
I do not take this life lightly.
O.k. maybe I do slightly.
Because sometimes I feel like a mistake.

Forgive me
This is not the best side of me.
Only the side that really hates me.
On my soul it feeds and is never slaked.

Believe me
If I could control this I would be.
Because I'm not into hating me.
But now it's much too late.

For everything I hear and everything I see,
tells no one here loves me but pain and grief.
For all the love I've given and all the love I've had.
A darker remnant I am now of
just a man eternally sad.

The Day may come when you'll,
Think nothing of me.
The Ring will be left on the dresser,
it's drawers...
Empty.

On the kitchen table,
A letter labeled for your eyes only, explaining
A conversation with Sarah Bradford
and why you left me.

A lonely you makes a
Lonely we
And with every Nocturnal dawn and
Morning rain that you'll see.

You will remember
These words
You will
Remember me.

Pondering the pace of life going down
on the worlds permanent *******
with a smile on her face showing no disgrace...
depravity to perfection.
From misguided direction, seek out protection,
find a love that's beyond mere affection.
This is reality, law verses morality,
Lets hope to learn a lesson.

Life too often takes itself.
Mirrors what it is to live, evil,
for it feels no other way.
It knows better...but feels no other way.
Life too often takes itself.
Be it violently or a peaceful slumber.
Either way...Death is untroubled.
Life too often takes itself,
right or wrong.
But through whose eyes is the perception?
Life so often takes itself
too seriously but not seriously enough...
for life itself.

The pain that caused my bane,
Resides mainly in my brain,
but in order to remain sane
I must maintain my hearts
burning flame never let it wane,
for it contains the vein that sustains...
my life and some kind of hope.

Never fall in love...
Jump gracefully in.

Little pieces of nothing that fall and belong to no one and nowhere. If I find my way into the earth then let the worms and maggots have their share. I'm okay and not. For I am alive but I do not care. Sometimes I think I'm better off dead than to be alone with despair.
Little pieces of nothing that are weathered and worn.
A life never nurtured since the day it was born.
I have not been given so I have nothing to give, but
little pieces of nothing and no reason to live.

My love doesn't love me anymore.
She says my kisses she abhors.
And living with me is a heinous chore.
To stay here... She'd rather be a street *****.
Throwing her wedding ring on the floor.
If she ever had to touch me again,
It would be to **** me she swore.
As she set fire to the wedding dress she wore.
"I hope you choke to death while you snore!"
"I hate you right down to your core!"
"You're such a hideous eyesore!"
"Grrr! The wasted yore!"
"Touch me, nevermore!"

There is a fact I can't ignore.
She wishes for me to leave,
it doesn't matter which door...
My love doesn't love me anymore.

I can remember when I had a love that thought not of sin.
But I was young so much younger then.
Now I am hollow yet full with sorrow.
Not longing for yesterday, but no hope in tomorrow.

I can remember when I had a love that dwelled deep within.
But I was young so much younger then.
Now devoid of emotion, there's no belief in devotion.
For I have not a lover, I have not a friend.

I can remember when I had a love I thought would never end.
But I was young so much younger then.
Now I know that even that thought was a sin.
I think I shall never go there again.

For now my heart is empty and it ties my tongue.
No more music the last song has been sung.
I try and dig deeper, but I cannot deny.
There's nothing left...my well has gone dry.

I can not stand this state of silence I am in.
The thing I contemplate is a dreadful sin.
I know it's coming yet I can't say when.
Maybe it's time to notify my next of kin.

I often think my only friend..
Is this bottle of Seagram's gin.
Though Jack and Jim stop by now and then.
I think it's time to notify my next of kin.

I don't know where im going,
Because I can't remember where I've been.
I feel my heartbeat slowing.
Everything about my life is starting to blend...
I'm pretty sure it's time to notify my next of kin.

I'm no man of steel,
But my love is strong, my heart real.
Into the air...no, I'm unable to fly,
But  would take a bullet...
For you i'd die.
I can not see through walls or any such thing at all,
But I'd surely catch you if you should fall.
I can not leap a tall building in a single bound,
But believe me, no harm shall be fall you when I'm around.
I'm not strong enough to bend steel with my bare hands,
But I am strong enough to be your man.
While I do not possess laser beams that shoot from my  eyes,
I do have two lips to kiss you tenderly I'll tell you no lies.
I can not out run a speeding train, break the sound barrier like
a supersonic plane.
But I will be ever quick to ease all of your pain.
I do not have super ears with which the faintest sounds to hear,
but have no fear for I am always near.
I can not withstand the fieriness of the suns heat or bone freezing cold.
But I will love and honor you even as we both grow old.
I am not the bravest man nor have I ever been bold.
But I mean these words with all of my heart...all of my soul.
And know this, come what may... I shall never falter, I shall never fade.
No matter how heavy the weight, I will not fold.
I will always be here for you to have and to hold.
No...I'm no man of steel, but I'm real. I...am...real.
I want, I need, cut me, I bleed.
I laugh, I cry, I live and I shall die.
With each passing day I shall love you more.
Together forever our hearts will soar.
From beginning to end, you shall always be my best friend.
Though I may not have telescopic site.
I'll keep you in my minds eye,
For you are my weakness...my kryptonite.
What I feel is real but...I'm no man of steel.
No I'm no man of steel.

My heart has lost its fire,
detached from all desire.
I have no soul to keep.
My eyes no longer weep.
Whispers in my head,
say i'm better off dead.
Nothing left to save,
find a place and dig my grave.

What's there to inquire?
Life to me is dire.
Bind me with barbed wire,
leave me in the mire.
I guess i'll fall asleep,
so that death to me can creep.
My friends won't understand..
a god nor demon...just a man.

But i'm not the man i use to be.
My empathy is gone.
No i'm not the man i use to be.
I have apathy in all.
See i'm not the man you use to see.
My sympathy is gone.
And i'm not the man i want to be...
just not the man i want to see.

Come,
Dig the question tiny dancers.
How would it feel to be one of the beautiful?
To do as you pleased and not be accountable.
Your bad behavior always explainable.
Anything you say is socially acceptable.
Everything you wear is said to be fashionable.
Though even on you it may look really terrible.
How would it feel to be one of the beautiful?
To live a life where everything's accessible.
But for others so incredibly untouchable.
Something about this doesn't seem quite ethical.
The law around you tends to be a bit flexible.
How would it feel to be one of beautiful?
When your face becomes not so adorable.
Your company not so preferable.
All of your accomplishments made minuscule...
virtually undetectable.
Everything about you now is utterly expendable.
Come,
Dig the question tiny dancers.
How would it feel to be one of the beautiful?

While listening to "Rocket man."
I rock it man!
Me, myself and I, we kick it.
So I kik it man.
My trees are burned down,
so I seed it man.
Looking at the stars,
the Milky way and I eat it man.
Just passing through, a traveler, I'm trippin' man.
Yea, I'm spacing out, why?...
'Cause I'm a rocket man.

To taste the bittersweet nectar of thy lunar lips.
Lie me hope, sing to me the song of the helix.
Proffer me the chance to breach thy bastion,
encompass thee in my love and compassion.
Sanction me to be that one whispering love stories
in thine ear while bathing in the Aurora Borealis
dazzling and clear.
You and I, a rickety tent and a love nothing less of
heaven sent.
In mine heart thou shalt forever remain.
My panzer maid grant me...the fall of rain.

I was talking to myself this morning.
Trying to figure out what it is that I am mourning.
Crazy thing is ...I awoke with this dread.
Something's gone from me...
Something's dead.
I told me "Stop it, don't think about it anymore!"
But I couldn't stop the hole that thought had already
begun to bore.
Into my very soul it had embossed.
A deep agonizing feeling of pain for something lost.
I couldn't shake it no matter how I tried.
Something was gone.
Something had died.
I attempted to smile and be happy, but to the sadness I'd succumb.
I feel isolated... I feel numb.
Something has left me.
Something is all wrong.
I feel as if... As if I don't belong.
What is this anomalous indigo?
I am not me.
The person I was, I...I can not see.
Crazy thing is...I awoke with this dread.
Perhaps it is I that I mourn...I who is dead.

Sometimes I write,
Sometimes I sing.
Sometimes I exist...
Without ever being.

Sometimes I laugh,
even when I cry.
Sometimes I live,
when I wish to die.

Sometimes I crawl,
When I know I should walk.
Sometimes I'm silent,
Sometimes I just don't talk.

I guess you know by now I hate December
But wondering how I got to be so cold.
Why bother to say, you won't remember.
Some things are better left untold.
I came and stole your heart. You abused my body.
I took your self respect and that's all you had.
You destroyed everything that ever was me.
The more i love you darlin', the more it makes you mad.
Maybe you can't stand to see me happy.
More than that I  hate to see you sad.
But if we decide to leave each other
the outcome would be pretty but bad.
What's this strange relationship?
Isn't it a shame this is no Broadway play?
Then we could rewrite each others lines.
Even at that, what would we say?
It would be like the blind trying to lead the blind.
Maybe I just can't stand to see you happy,
More than that, you hate to see me sad.
Maybe if we had not kissed under the Chinese maple.
Maybe...but sometimes it snows in April.

Strange flowers
with a strange hue.
Strange birds
over them flew.
From a strange leaf
dripped a strange morning dew.
Still nothing stranger than...
an estranged you.

Strangelove.
Some may say you're an estranged love.
Everything that ever was.
I wonder what it's like to be you,
'Cause you're all the time.
How can you...
love us the way that you do?
Knowing the terrible things we do,
Your love bemuses the mind.
I hope to,
someday find a way to be like you,
to love the world just as you do
but as for now...I have no clue.

I ask you,
what would I do love without you?
I put this question to you,
for it's you who needs to be in my shoes.
'Cause lately you've been unable to face me.
Inadvertently avoiding me.
At least that's what I tell myself.
Surely,
I know you care for me deeply...
Man I wish I believe me.
I wonder your heart so much what it feels and such.

But you'll say. "Everything's o.k."
You'll tell me. "Everything's alright."
And almost everyone we know will say.
"She's madly in love with you."

I say, if everything's o.k. and if everything's alright...
well then sympathy you should be the superstar that you are.

Tears these tears.
Falling like todays rain.
Tears so many tears.
Does it also know pain?
Tears my tears.
I guess I'll go outside.
Tears all these tears.
Maybe the rain these tears will hide.
Tears so,so many tears.
The rain continues to saturate all that is dry.
And these tears these inconsolable tears...
Now become a sobbing cry.

The aloe has flourished in the garden
where mine heart once beat as a white rose.

The freedom of its soft fragrance has been
smothered, petals wilted, roots dead and no longer grows.

The gardener saw it fit to **** the iris and now the poison ivy, like water flows.

There is an ugliness growing within.
No matter how hard I fight, this war
I fear I can not win.
I see this optimistic world through
pessimistic eyes.
Though I search for love and truth, but
all I hear is hate and lies.
Sad...it hurts, makes me empty.
But this is no plea for help or bleeding
heart sympathy.
That which grows within are no "paisley tears"
Just festering apathy.
Because right now I have no interest in empathy or
what people think of me.
I said think not feel, because emotions are of the mind
and what does emotions have to do with mankind?
Nothing. Nothing that makes sense, some walk through life without consequence.
I feel it growing, growing stronger everyday.
This rage inside just won't go away.
My mind is on fire, my heart is cold.
Tearing and pulling at my very soul.
This ugliness...I just want to cry.
Not from sadness, but the anger in my eyes,
I can't shake it, I feel like I could  die...
from this growing ugliness inside.

Emotionally desolated,
Socially isolated,
Sexually frustrated,
Mentally incriminated,
Physically dilapidated....
Spiritually segregated.

There is something, i can not explain.
This underlying agony...the relentless pain. Tearing through my soul like some runaway train, my eyes, like the dessert
seek desperately for rain.
I can only sit here as i slowly go insane for depression, like maggots on a rotten corpse, eats away my brain.
I wish there was someone to talk to,
but if anything, what then would i gain?
I guess no one can help me and no one is to blame.
There is just no escaping my unexplainable bane.

Lying in the begonia field of my mind,
an answer to "One Simple Question"
is hard to find.
That " One Simple Question" put to mankind
that leads me to believe that some are blind.
That "One Simple Question" I heard her ask,
for which the a answer is a simple task.
So why is it so difficult to put on our gloves
and answer that " One Simple Question"...
simply with love?

I Can see,
It and me
the Formation of praeteritus.
Better a Silent Cry than
Words written upon my skin...
Battle Scars ...Cleansing...love.
But that's all in our Perception.