JAM - Hello Poetry

JAM Mar 2014

I wish I could distain this pain that I feel right now
Take and break the picture frame of this dark cloud
Change or rename my own name right now

Just to escape for a minute, to be free instead of stuck in it
Tired of the chase to win it, sick of the race to the finish
My free flight to live... is nobody's business

I ask with manners and say please
But still get thrown to handlers with ease
Cause peoples standards change like the breeze

Why would you ask if I'm upset when you clearly know I am
Why would you interupt while I'm attempting to do all I can

It's either I hang on for the ride or step to the side
I have no ego, no pride, I'm just trying to live my life

-J.A.M

JAM Mar 2014

Wreck

I slip away into my thoughtless bottomless pits
Give way to effortless thoughts that still persist
I live days with stress, but live nights in bliss
And I play even when
Even if.. the record skips

I Cross my "T's" dot my "I's "
Slip into the abyss of lifes lies
I **** every verse so I drive
Around in a hearse with a casket full of words
Whatever it's worth, it's worth,but ever since birth
I curse myself, but curse you first
I enrich my life with poor decisions
Then levitate inbetween the space of the floors and ceilin's
Greetings from hell my dear
Wish you were here
You probably can't see me
Cause I make myself clear

Go ahead wreck it... I just go ahead and wreck it
I know they don't expect it, so I just go ahead and ******' wreck it
Not what they expected from a man that's diseased and infected

It's no wonder...some people wanna go down under
Not to Australia, but 6 feet deep beneath where you slumber
I'm not outnumbered, but it's my time to speak cause they called my number
Then they ask I put on a mask and chop up this cop like I'm chopping lumber
All while I walk these streets with bare feet and attempt to feed my hunger

It's one of the most deadly effects of time
But don't worry you got defects and I got mine

Misinterpretation is so common
Speculation becomes a problem
Here's some equations... Now solve em'
A plus B equals you and me
D minus C is backwards chemistry
**** it...
Just pass that glass of Hennessy
Watch me go from being an *** to being friendly
Sit back watch me bypass the many

As I...

Wreck it...

I Go ahead and wreck it... I just go ahead and wreck it
I know they don't expect it, so I just go ahead and ******' wreck it
Not what they expected from a man that's diseased and infected

JAM Feb 2014

Verse 7,864

Im not sure what world, which worm hole I came from
Seems like anytime I try to see eye to eye with anyone
I'm wrong they're right, I look then get blinded by the sun

I can write songs
But I can't right my wrongs
I'm begging for a magic wand
As I flick my last penny into this pond

Please...

Please... Oh please
Lock me up and throw away the keys
Let me rot, let my existence cease
Maybe, just maybe
That'll bring me peace

I don't mean to seem so dramatic
I just like to abuse these words
Call me a word addict
It feeds me the mental protein
I need just to procede to make these proceeds
To be able to leave early
like my last name was Ledger and my first was Heath
My mental health is weak
and I swear these elve's are casting spells on me
Cause I know my brain is rotting
My vision is getting spotty
Instead of sayin' i gotta "****" I say "*****"
It's like I'm five yrs old again being punished cause I was "Naughty"
Ain't it gnarley the way I keep gnawing
Away at this bit bit like I'm starving
Got the munchies, but can't eat, my stomachs still crawling

I don't pay no mind to the daytime
Cause everytime the undefined lines
In my undefined mind start to shine

J.A.M

Verse#7,864

JAM Feb 2014

Lovin' The Obstacles

It ain't alwayls all good     in hollywood
I think you got the lights and cameras     misunderstood

Your either rich and famous or your broke and nameless

If you find treasure there, make sure and claim it

I would if I could    but I'm sinking on a ship just off shore
All from doin no good     and takin' a sniff of somethin' too pure

Everything in between is just ways to the mean
And every other thing just might seem, like a golden light beam
Givin' me the light thats green,    but it's the red light I shoulda seen
Now I'm at a crime scene    lookin' at a body as its soul leaves
watch them clasp for that last breath then I feel deaths cold breeze
I realize I should've stayed at the party
At Corey's
maybe even had someone hide my car keys

Now the police
Are gonna check    My blood alcohol content
There gonna search my car next,
find the pills,powders and forged checks
What can I do now      except.....
Run! ....  Run! Run!
3 min later I'm hidin' in a   tree fort
K -9 scratchin at the   tree bark
Cop lights shining through the two   by fours
Head for the hills head for the forest

Its all the bad decisions that brought me here
The thoughts in my head and words in my ear
Escaping capture doesnt mean I'm in the clear
I'm probably gonna spend the entire next year

Trying to shoulder the bolder
That already ran me over
Shouldn't have let those ashes smolder
cause the heat just made things colder
Keepin up the run just to be run over
Theres no beat or instrumental to be sung over

Clearly you've run into you .... Into you, into yourself
Oh ****! Me runnin' in to me my own worst enemy
How shall I now procede, I cant move I can't speak , what the **** is wrong with my two feet?

Who knows....

I still Would   Never, never, never

I would never change a thing! I could never change a thing!
I wont rearrange extract or change a ******* thing
I will never change a thing! I could never change a thing!
Not one thing in my life
I'll still die laughing
Even if I die tonight

I will continue
To misuse
Abuse the excuse
Just to refuse
The fact that I even tried to make an excuse

I called it a reason cause I was reaching
Fell to short to excede my own region
Vultures in the sky watchin' me lie half alive still bleedin'

I don't know if I'm gonna make it past this one
Either shes about to sing or the fat lady already sung
Everything I had tied together has come undone
Under one thunder proof roof in a thunderstorm

But I can't complain, I love the drama, I love the rain
I love the electricity of the lightning makin' this blood pump through my veins

That's why
I...
I would never change a thing! I could never change a thing!
I wont rearrange extract or change a ******* thing
I will never change a thing! I could never change a thing!
Not one thing in my life
I'll still die laughing
Even if I die tonight

Ok, okay
Next test, the next step, the best relief of stress
Except this is not a passable test
But the only way to move on is to accept
The fact that I might be a devil's reject
I take a moment let myself level and reflect

Ok, Got it....

I have....

No jack,no bean stalk, no golden eggs
Just me, my talk, my walk on both my legs
No tricks, no gimmicks, no magician with cards already positioned
I will attempt to fix but not relinquish the hand I've been given
Cause no matter what this mother ******' world keeps spinnin'

And I'll say it again...

I would never change a thing! I could never change a thing!
I wont rearrange extract or change a ******* thing
I will never change a thing! I could never change a thing!
Not one thing in my life
I'll still die laughing
Even if I die tonight

JAM Feb 2014

Rough Draft

Give.... Me... Somethin'.... to learn
I'll give you, somethin' to teach

Give.... Me... Somethin'... to earn
I'll give you, somethin' to keep

Give me
Stability, when this bridge is weak

I'm lookin' for a platform to stand on
As this lifeform hits its peak
Not inside, but outside, the norm of normal looks for a barrier to breach

Steady as I wobble , you take from my hand, but still.. I... am... a handfull
No push, only the pull... no life left in this knife, the blade clearly is dull
There's no safe, no lock, no code... Only thing you need to crack is my skull

Not how am I, it's how are you doing, how's life? how's time moving?
Are you sick... of the *******? How's barely gettin' by going?
I'm not one to prove while improving, just tryin' to get by while keepin' ongoing

My mind took off
My body stayed put in the loft
What about me makes you think I have the self control to keep from goin' off!?
I'm a mental slob
My brain just oozes thoughts
I don't think, I just act, like that one time I got mad and slapped my boss!!

So here's this...

Give.... Me... Somethin'.... to learn
I'll give you, somethin' to teach

Give.... Me... Somethin'... to earn
I'll give you, somethin' to keep

Obviously aware of all these lessons, I keep stressin'
I might not even have a steady vocation or profession
No sleep even when I should be well rested
I even hate the attention,
But I purposely leave words worth the mention

Now lets just question
The difference between hell and heaven
Whats the difference between an "L" and an upside down seven?
I have no religion, so what's a priest, what's a reverend?

Put it this way at least... Lettin' my mouth off it's leash
Will allow me to speak loud enough to speak my peace

Everytime I fade in
I fade out
Everytime I fade out, I still fade in its just about

The 'who,what,why,where,when??.
How can now be going back to then?
I must be runnin' in ******' circles again!
I lost the dice I tossed to the wind
Maybe I'll give the wheel of fortune a spin
And if it's fortune I win, I'll consider myself fortunate then

Give... Me... Somethin'.... To burn
Without smoke from the chimney, I'll make a fire with words to create heat
I'll just take and keep what's within reach
Even if it's the world beneath my feet

I... Don't... Want... To ... Earn
So without a landing beneath me, I still dive head first when I leap

So...

Give.... Me... Somethin'.... to learn
I'll give you, somethin' to teach

Give.... Me... Somethin'... to earn
I'll give you, somethin' to keep

-J.A.M

JAM Jan 2014

Edge of the Pier

You might never understand why I walk around with clenched fists not open hands
Cause the unplanned always happens and ***** up my original plans

Maybe if I was rock hard tough I couldn't
Be bent
Concrete enough to be
Cement
But these are all just thoughts to
Prevent

Another extra expense, still lookin' though my cracked lens, I dont need your 2 cents
Do I even make sense? Can you understand the irrelevance or you still on the fence?
Here I am
Still clenching my fists waiting in suspense

-J.A.M

JAM Jan 2014

The Mirror

Simple to unsimplified until you realized you were believing in your own lies
Took off the disguise looked in the mirror and saw your own eyes
Not one, not two, not even three try's could materialize the ideas you try to rectify
Please specify

What I... am

If I... can't

Recognize or at least be hypnotized to believe in lies
I'd sometimes rather be stupified than be the wise
Instead the unclear gets by next thing you know it's not him, but me that died
Not her, but you that cried, not exactly what I
Visualized, it's just mental excercise for the unjustified to be justified

-J.A.M