Love me drunk
kiss me sober
**** me high
sweetheart

**** all of it and quit playing with it silly

Im just a filthy mind waiting for my time to shine

Into the deep pit
into your deepest dream
I sit and creep
and happen to stumble upon your body
cold and limp
your face white as the smoke which pours out my mouth
I open your soul
with a simple blow
this intoxication last for a lifetime
as we lay simply
playing with eachothers corpses
a couple of kidz
drowing in this ocean

I got so sick
trying to get the word hello out
as I lay around replaying the moment of how it'll come out
The words were simple
the time is now
I make my approach
seconds away from the moment I played over
in my head
my hands steady
my breathe slow
3
2
1
Hello my names Jay
and I've played this over and over with what I was gonna say
I wanted to say that your the most beautiful girl I've seen
Oh what
you got a boyfriend
great

She shined like a diamond
and She was worth more then gold
She didnt really believe in love
but I think I changed her mind
I took a peice of coal
held it in my hand
and make it sparkle and shine.
She was a lot on the eyes
She use to think guys passed her by because she was ugly
but the case was guys passed her by because they thought she was to pretty
to be snagged.
So she read her books
did her job
went home and dreamt of a boy
who would take a chance on her.

Little missels
Sparklie crystals
jedi mind tricks
play in my bedroom
I spy the pill jar
with a little bud waiting to be broken down and rolled.
I lick the blunt
and crack it down
tabacoo spinkels and covers my floor
I grasp the bud and crack it in half
and the stink of it overwhelms my automosphere.
The song skips and tupac all eyes on me stars playing
as I begin to roll the bud I get a since of joy and happiness
that soon ill be blitzed
I know I got good bud
because when I do my dog wobbels in to enjoy it.
I spark it and that little popping noise of the dank thc circles me.
I take a big drag but carefully so the cherry doesn't get to long

After this
kiss
All things will change
after this
kiss all things will change
why I say why
does a kiss lead to heartbreak

the soul of a crack fiend
I scram up ***** pop cans
and your belongings that gather dust in your alley
I scrap around in garbage cans finding tid bits of food.
While  I watch you in your big home stuffing your faces
the dog even manages to eat better then I will
your life is not hard
you dont understand torment
you dont understand hunger
like I do.
I'am a person of societies promise that failed
I will be that person you read about in the paper
a man noone knew
a man noone smiled at
a man who did'nt get a hug
or a thank you
or even a look that wasnt disgust
this is my life
a life of constant battels
a life of broken promises
a life of forgotten dreams
and forgotten love
a life that noone even knows exist
a life that will one day haunt you
when the curtain closes and the crowd just leaves
I'll run in your mind
because you didnt offer your time or a dime
I will live in your mind
you'll think about me during dinner
where I whisper
and whisper
and whisper
and whisper

the soul of a crack fiend
I scram up ***** pop cans
and your belongings that gather dust in your alley
I scrap around in garbage cans finding tid bits of food.
While  I watch you in your big home stuffing your faces
the dog even manages to eat better then I will
your life is not hard
you dont understand torment
you dont understand hunger
like I do.
I'am a person of societies promise that failed
I will be that person you read about in the paper
a man noone knew
a man noone smiled at
a man who did'nt get a hug
or a thank you
or even a look that wasnt disgust
this is my life
a life of constant battels
a life of broken promises
a life of forgotten dreams
and forgotten love
a life that noone even knows exist
a life that will one day haunt you
when the curtain closes and the crowd just leaves
I'll run in your mind
because you didnt offer your time or a dime
I will live in your mind
you'll think about me during dinner
where I whisper
and whisper
and whisper
and whisper

And 2Morrow  


Today is filled with anger
fueled with hidden hate
scared of being outcast
afraid of common fate
Today is built on tragedies
which no one wants 2 face
nightmares 2 humanities
and morally disgraced
Tonight is filled with rage
violence in the air
children bred with ruthlessness
because no one at home cares
Tonight I lay my head down
but the pressure never stops
knawing at my sanity
content when I am dropped
But 2morrow I c change
a chance 2 build a new
Built on spirit intent of Heart
and ideals
based on truth
and tomorrow I wake with second wind
and strong because of pride
2 know I fought with all my heart 2 keep my
dream alive

Can I tell you
that I sure did miss your lovely ways
you use to play ray charles
and dance around with just your socks on
you'd tell me I worked too much I should've took a day off.
yeah yeah yeaaaaaah honey im sorry I didn't take a sick day
but now im takin sicks days being sick of not seeing you
my vinyls are all worn out
And the mixtapes you gave me are all worn out
Kinda like my heart
the cds they skip now
and im trying to recapture that melody
of the shower water hittin the floor
and your head burried in the covers
asking me to come to bed
I was to tired then
but now im not tired enough
oh boy
wow
oh boy
this could go on
and on
and on
and on

lookin and staggerin
drinking and hollerin
spillin and trippin
a mess
got a lil puke on my left cheak
and dude can barely speak
look like a serious creep
but into the bar I go
right across from the AA Club what a ****** joke
how the hell do you exspect me to feel good drunk
thinking about all those sober punks
drivin new cars, clean cut, and got wifes with big butts
the only butts ill be seein tonight are the end of my cigs
what a pathetic guy
i here a girl whisper
2 stools down sittin by some handsome guy
so I finish my bottle of wine
walk over
look her straight in the eyes
and tell her shes right

I was sittin on a cloud
Lookin down
The kids were running and laughing.
The mothers and fathers were kissing in secret as the
little ones played in the puddles.
I watched the girl crying over her boyfriend
who she caught cheating on her.
I watched the girl cry as her father walked her down the aisle
to the man of her dreams.
I watched a addict fighting not to pick up again.
I watched a ****** convulsing in a cardboard shack.
I watched as a man recovered from a heart attack family surrounding him. I watched a man slap his child and then go slap his wife.
I watched a doctor save a life.
I watched that emo girl drop the knife as she was about to give in to the cyber bullying. I watched as all of you looked up to the sky and asked for help. I'm sorry I couldn't stop the slap, or pull the needle from your hand, I'm sorry that I cant come down to land.

I ate a fresh red apple right from the tree
as you danced there infront of me
I felt it's juices in my beard
and when you kissed me
and pulled away
our lips stuck a little.
But that apple tree was our little spot
it set just right above the city
where we could watch all the pretty people
doing the pretty things pretty people do.
I told you I'd marry you someday
and make your belly full with a baby
I told you I'd get a job as a farmer
and I'd plant a apple tree just for you
One day  our kids will sit under that apple tree
and pick its ripe red fruit and eat and talk.
You and I would sit and think about that day
When we layed under that apple tree above the city
and talked about this day that were watching unfold infront of us.

******* who dont tip
******* who Beat Girls and give them fat lips
******* who drink thier white wines
******* who tell lies
******* who steal whats mine
******* who finish a joke without knowing the punch line
******* who will be at the end of this cocked 9
******* who give you tequilla without a lime
******* who are running low on time
******* who have no spine
******* ******* *******
etc etc etc

I walk around town
flicking cigerrte butts
hands in my pockets
and no where to really go.
my mom told me
that when I came out her womb
I didn't even cry
she said I just looked at her
like I was lost.
The indians call this a Lost Soul that died
and rebirthed not knowing they died.
I remember my mom said that I didnt start crying till
I layed down on her chest.
She knew it wasnt cause I was sad
but tears of happiness that I finally found a Home.
She said I was a good baby but the docter said that I'd struggle all my life.
She asked why... well Nancy your son has bad legs he'll need to be in leg braces for most of his toddler life.
My mom knew that I used my legs to much in my past life and I was paying for it now.
She told the docter dont worry all my baby needs is a place to rest his head.
Let his legs rest and he'll be walking again.
Now im walking flicking these ciggerte butts
thinking back to what my mother said
but it looks as if I'll find my way back to that silent birth
and recycle this whole life
for what its worth.

His soul I could feel struggling in my hands
as I choked his memories and all his love he ever had
every smile he layed
every tear he  cryed
every time he fell of his bycycle as a kid
and every time a bully knocked down his lunch tray
was all rushing through my hands
as his face went purple and his skin went dry
His eyes rolled in the back of his head saying goodbye
to his life of not making the cut
to his dads temper and his lashing out on the boys back
the smell of leather feared the boy
and the lack of social skills made him a easy target
He stepped on the wobbling stool
He wrapped my arms around his neck
and with one last scream
he said thank you

Your eyes are a sea of blue.
I'm so blue that I can't have you. Touching me
I miss how you'd play with my fingers with your fingers.
You'd put each finger between mine and grasp them tight. I remember how you said we'd be like john Lennon and yoko. Young love, Young hearts, a young man and a young girl so naive. Thinking that nothing could tear us apart. The winter came and we nestled in bed all day. When summer came we rushed to the park to play. I remember the day you told me you were leaving. I just crumbled
Like the bread the ducks were eating. My heart was blown into the wind like a dead leaf. I helped you pack for college, I threw in my favorite tee shirt thinking you might return it someday. I knew some boy would see you in class reading and he'd sweep you off your feet. There is no way I could stop it. Now as I smoke this cig and remenise I really wish I had that tee shirt back. I wonder if he's wearing it on his back, while your playing with his fingers and he's watching those blue eyes that I once looked into. I guess all I can do now is pray you donate it to a thrift store and I run into you while your trying to give away my love that I sent with you that day.

The cry of a baby wakes me
apartment two doors down
moms a crazy dope fiend
no grocerys babies hungry
a tale of the city
where the prettiest thing is
a mouse trap and a fly strip
Mom strips to feed baby
baby strips its dignity
for the other tenats know
thats moms a *****
and baby has no hope
but the same life
poverty follows baby to a early age where
other kids  mock him for being ratty
babys puts up with teasing
goes home to more dismay
as mommy lays
bruise and battered
oh the days they add up
where baby goes through this pain
till one day baby catches a break
a mike and a pen
and soon I wake up to baby.....
baby
made it big

The smoke suffocates the mosquitoes
buzzing around me
toes in the grass
burning down trees
Hello goodbyes
as the fire crackels
bits of ash dance in the air
I put my longneck up to my lips
and listen to the air sweet sweet bliss
a friend cracks open another swissher
and I think to myself....
that girl over there I think ill kiss her
tonight.

It'd be nice to be you
It'd be nice to be you
Then be me
Thinking about being you
I wanna be you
but be me just with parts of you

Family Bound
My Family means everything too me
Got a brother in the Navy He's married got a beautiful
wife too.
He's enjoyin the beautiful sunsets in the city where Micky Cohen use to own.
Got my other brother whos a gear head, a knucklehead, works on knuckle heads, and hes my knuckles too.
Me and him use to get into it throw a little bruises around but **** has he made me proud
went to the city where you can cook eggs on the sidewalk Pheonix.
Went to school too work on bikes and now works at Harley.... this means for me free tee shirts and cool biker partys too go to
hot women in leather pants and mean dudes with long goatees.
My Mom shes a healer, a bible dealer, and the leader of a womens AA program but is married to a Ex-convict, Ex-felon, Ex-drug dealing, Ex-******
I never understood why she goes for trying to heal men maybe it's because shes been trying to fix all of her 3 boys and thats the only way she knows how to love a man. Either way I love her too death and it'll be death if that man decides to lay a hand on her again... you'll see something that only Hades eyes have seen but enough about that loser... Unto my Old man.
My pops hes a machine mechanic a use too be psychobath maniac tatted up with rough hands, palms always itching and eyes always looking out for his family. He once told me Jay " You Gotta Pay to Play" and those words have stuck with me for some reason for a long *** time. He always has these little one liners that just make ya get back to reality,wipe your nose clean, put your head up and stand up straight and get back to the money. So thats my blood thats what makes my heart beat everyday knowing that my family gots my back to succeed.

Jumped on the sober wagon
soon will be choking myself with
this silk armani tie
Fresh shoes
and clean cut hair and face
I disgrace my fellow drunks
cleaned up and clear headed
its almost sickening
Looking at myself sober in the mirror
Im alot uglier
usually I see myself in 2s
and im awfully handsome
today a relapse is as close
as the hidden bottle I store away on
hard dry days
but my AA book blocks my path
as I put it next to the hidden bottle
smart but foolish
for a decision can be easily made
grab the book
or the bottle

lost on the road
where do we go
packing up some clothes
toothbrush
some chronic and our favorite bowl
on the road across the midwest
testing our patience and our wallets

broke as **** down to our last bowl
no money in our pockets
down to the last drop of *****
and thats not even the best news

We all chip in for a bottle of wild turkey
to get us to the next show
we found a little nugget
and torched it
got loose
and we set on cruise
while we took a little snooze

broke as **** down to our last bowl
no money in our pockets
down to the last drop of *****
and thats not even the best news

Pulled up
Slapped around the crew
tell them wake up we got  a show to do
we each spark up a cig and ******* our raging shoes
we walk in greated with shots of *****
******* alright
were fozzy logic and well be playing tonight

broke as **** down to our last bowl
no money in our pockets
down to the last drop of *****
and thats not even the best news

Both of us are chasing after the butterfly
We each see its beauty flying
we see its wings fluttering
We see it majesticly floating in the sky
but one has a net
but I oh I
know how to catch you miss butterfly
The spider always wins
with its web
ill catch you off gaurd
and ill watch your beauty
tangled in my web

Your life is so delicate,
Like a house of cards.
Your so fragile
Sometimes I want to sit down
And pucker my lips make a slight blow in your direction and watch all of your cards scatter on the floor.

The rain pours down
and my hands feel each drop
as my frown gets drowned out in the storm
my happiness burts like the sun threw the clouds
I embrace the thunder and the lighting
because I know this storm will pass
and the light will bake my skin
God has my life from here on out
and I'm perfectly okay
being swept away in this flood
of emotion.

I ate that forbidden fruit
and I was left still hungry
I didn't know how to tame my hunger so
I went into the woods for a few days
bathed in the creek and took away sticks and stones
from my adventure I sure did go threw some hellish days
I was sick of cars and stoplights so I just sat and watched nights pass to days
******* it was a nice ride
fallin down hills
fallin down hills
so I put my wallet in the river
and watched the money flow down the stream
Just watched all of it go down stream
just watched it

When we speak
in whispers
Shh and fingers to the lips
so we speak to speak
But listen do we really
confused looks
tired eyes
my pillow seems nice
where my mind can rest
of all the chitter chatter

We are all apart of this beautiful nightmare
The stares never would fight fare
I use to dream under those abandoned stairs
Wrapped up in a blanket from somewhere
I guess I truly never cared
As long as the drugs were around to share.

Do you see me fighting
My demons are winning
I’m unaware I’m hurting
I’m curating my own death

I’m shuffling in the corner
The only light I share is from
My lighter
I wish I could just dream
But my eyes are stuck wide open
Can you hear the demon
It’s laughter
Or is this my own personal nightmare

Do you see me fighting
My demons are winning
I’m unaware I’m hurting
I’m curating my own death

I find solace I’ll be saved
Before I dig myself my own grave
I pray to God he will share his grace
And get me out of this miserable place

Do you see me fighting
My demons are winning
I’m unaware I’m hurting
I’m curating my own death

Our lives are kinda like comets
just waiting to run into something
so it eventually stops.

I came to you in a dream
my fingers bleed
writin you
invisble letters
people read
No one knows me here
while I lay in a unknown house
slowly memories creep on me
memories of holding hands
and popcorn
and popcorn
and popcorn

your brain is a book
waiting to be opened
most of us will just get into the intro
but continue reading
and you'll find yourself
flipping pages that were once unread
your head will become your escape
and the world will become your playground
the miracle of life
is yet to be touched
and yes it can be touched
if you just shut up
and listen
open the book
the ******
is not in death
but in life
ride the wave
let your nuerons attack the voice
of your not good enough or smart enough
your better then your brain even knows
fingers toes
wiggling
brain
shooting thoughts and ideas into your mouth
speak
dont swallow your words
because those thoughts
could save us all

The buzzing of the water fountin
the sound of a vacuum running
tik tok of the clock
and the sound of my foot tapping
I smell old fabric
Have I been here before
my nose tells me yes
This scent of this old tathered building
the footprint flat carpet
I've been here before
silence before the storm
as soon
as I open that door
chaos
waits
patiently

So I always said I would'nt "date" a girl I work with
when I say "date" I mean have *** with.
"dates" are not real nomore
"dates" are only leading to both of you gettin a feel to have *** anyways
so why not just have *** and then go out on "dates" that way all the *******
get in your pants lines are already out of the way
and the real questions can start.
But I'm craving to have this girl
I'm chewing on the side of my cheek
and the blood is soaking into my mouth
and I just want her so bad.
Shes from Sudan
so She's so dark, tall,pretty.
I asked her out one night on the city
and we walked around and ate icecream
it was a nice "date"
it was even better
when I heard her screams in my apartment
later on that night.

she grasped her daddys hand as they walked
daddy told daughter that he loved her and he'll try and call her everyday
he said make sure when im gone you send me a photo on your birthday
send me a picture when you do something great
and please please dont give your mommy to much trouble
she promised daddy and they gave their secret handshake
well daddy told daughter you cant follow me no longer
daughter cryed
daddy wiped each falling tear from her eyes
each were like a torpedo hitting his already sinking ship
he the the fear in his daughters clinched fists
her shiverring lips
he hates to put her through with this ****
he curses god in his head
and his feet feel like his dragging a bag full of led
as the handcuffs get locked on
and the door shuts behind him
he knows that he will never see his daughter running in the grassy meadow they once played in
he knows he will never get to lay around and eat candy and watch cartoons till they both got yelled at mom to get ready
his hearts so heavy
he should've never went out on that night
he should've never put the key in the car and drove
because hes not the only one feeling like this
theres another man
that will never get to do the same things with his daughter

Death teased me once
as the Grim Reaper tickeled my arm pit
felt the Pit of Hell pour out my wrists.
Blood looks beautiful splattered on white
like a graffitti painted by a hoodlem in the dead of night
My eyes rolled backwards in my head
My skin went cold as the bathroom tiles
devil cracked its cunning smile
but short lived
towels wrap around wrists
carried out the house
to a ambulance
where my run in was turned to a sickness
depression
medication
a new living hell

I’ve always found boredom to be the creator of genius.
As I sit back and think about how boring life can get.
I stir my tiny pink straw in my cocktail and wonder how infused I am to this habit of putting the key into my ignition starting my car and driving to work.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to put my key into my ignition and drive my car into a gas station demolishing everything in its path.
The boredom would sure to be gone in the flames.
I would sure like to stir up some **** today.
To get punched in the face and see my blood.
But I will probably just lay in bed and wonder what it feels like to get hurt.
It’s been awhile since I tried to destroy myself.
I’ve been so bored taking it easy
Not getting into trouble
Has trouble forgot I existed?!

We were all out there
Reachin out for a hand
A master plan
a way of knowing how
To grasp the upper hand
but did we even think
To dig down
get the courage too get up
brush ya self off
And look up
The sky is the limit sweet angel
So let your wings take you to distant stars
because that's exactly whatchu are

Her hair fell on my bare ***
as we laughed
and diped out on class
I gave her a true teaching
while she was sleeping I nibbled
and slowly paced myself up her left leg
on to the ******
where her mouth dribbled
and I know when I hit the right spot cause she gave a slight giggle
when I told her that teach was about to preach
she kinda geeked out a little bit
as the pink came into veiw of my eyes
her thieghs quivered
and she called me Ron Burgundy the way I played her flute
I put my right hand over her lips
and then put both my hands on her hips
as the honey dripped
as the honey dripped
what a lovely trip
one ride we both will never forget

Call me weird or twisted
but I like myself some nasty *******
toss them around like im cleaning dishes
they are all easy fishes in a barrel
I roll em around till they call me collin ferrel
im a skinny lil *******
I can hog tie a girl without a lasso
firemans carry into my den
Where i treat em like a rooster to a hen.
spank there *** and say that was fun
do it again?

Another ***** driver
Another way to unloosen the screws in my wall
I loosened up just enough
Enough to see the light through the crack in my door
I let you see just enough
Then the door closed
You knocked on it until your knuckles bleed
But you will never see me again.
Keep knocking
Keep wanting me to open that door again.

My fingers twisted as my palms
Landed flat on the sides of your waste
They danced and danced around the lining of your jeans. They danced all the way threw the loop holes
Finding a way
To figure out your zipper
They got lost fumbled the button
And lost track In the sound
Clisp
Crisp
Zip
Zip
Your lips
Found the way to my neck
I fumbled your pants
They fell
Slightly just enough
For me to see your dragon fly tattoo

all these words you promise
you think your such a godess
really you'll crash like everyone else
when i look at you
i see your secret words you preach
behind the close doors and the sheets
you think your so sneeky
but really your clear as bleach
and your stuck on my skin like a leach
so practice what you preach
and listen to what you teach
please get to walking
down that one way street

I step out into the cold air
and throw my fist towards the sky
I hate being vulnerable
and hate being so ******* bashful and shy
How hard is it to ask your name
How hard is it to ask if youd like to date
I'd **** to be your Prince Charming
I'd be a titan fighting on your side
as I put my cold hands threw my warm hair
I wanna pull my heart out and hand it to you
But Im tired of putting in so much effort
only to be dissapointed
when the time goes for you to run or stay
I hope and pray you stay
I hope and pray you stay
Because you deserve to be happy
and I could be that guy
I could be that Thing you've spent all night sleeping about
If you can get passed my looks
and I can get passed my dry mouth
for then I'd be able to say these words Im dieing to say

The smell of the day stung my nostrils
As the cold air swept over my bare face.
I looked to the north and saw an Eagle carrying a Squirrel in its talons.
For some reason I thought of death at this exact moment.
All things must come to an end
That Squirrel was probably just chilling eating some nuts a minute ago
And then WAM the talons of death grabs its flimsy body.
I thought of my own death
I thought of myself as that squirrel just waiting for death to swoop me up.
I don’t fear death
But I do fear the waiting for my death.
I fear that I'll be taken while I'm trying to fix something in my life and never get the chance to accomplish it.
I have a fear of leaving unfinished things behind.
People always ask why I take my time so much
Why I'm never in a hurry.
I simply tell them I don’t want to
Leave this world
With something left unsaid or undone.
If I'm going to leave
I'm going to know that I at least finished my nuts (going back to the squirrel)
Their always in such a hurry and always leave unfinished nuts behind
If you watch them
They just run around
Dropping nuts
On their little journeys.
While the Eagle glides above them patiently waiting for their moment to strike.
I see death above me gliding waiting for its moment
Waiting for the perfect time to take my soul
And carry it off into the sunset.

did you here
the sky cry
it roared its voice asking us why we are killing her
the sky cut open with white lights
trying to show us how she hurt
The trees swayed back and forth waving there arms to get our attention
did we listen
no..
did we here her
no..
so she faught back
infernos blazed our homes
tornados blew our belongings away
just like her lungs were polluted
with our toxins
she fought back
washing away our lives
to dance with the fishes
She opened up her skin
and shook our souls
she knew one day we might listen
shes growing tired
shes growing angry
will we stop
will we cease
eventually
we are a desease
and her natural forces are the vaccine
will we win
no
will she yes

When will it be enough
when will the lil red dot with a number in it be satisfying
when will it be enough
when will we go back to talking to people
sharing words
being embarrassed for real
not hiding behind a computer screen
when will it be enough
when we turn off the computer and see the glare of our own selves looking back.
computer screen oh computer screen who's the fairest of them all.
like a wishing well we just toss our random thoughts out
hoping someone will move there mouse and click like.
fake emotions
at the touch of a mouse

I sit back and gobble down my dinner
Ramen mixed with Ranch
I sit back and kick my feet up
in this old recliner
it creaks and shifts as my skinny ***
sinks into its old cushion
I smell a cigarette burning
I taste its poison
I finish my meal and flip on the news
murders and weather mixed
with pity to our dieing soldiers
In the midst of this choas
I find happiness
that my day only consist of a ****** meal
and a old chair
Im not that mother holding back her tears
Im not that soldier holding back his fears
and I'm far from the bad weather that devastates
suburbs and already beat down buildings
I'm not that volunteer picking threw dead bodies
and rain soaked pictures of peoples lifes once lived.
Im simply a guy with a couple holes in his beaten converse sneakers
I'm simply a guy who watches the evening news
as I think about the things I could do
But then my laziness sets in
and I just sit back and listen.