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I hate the way I think about you constantly
Even when I shouldn’t.
I hate it when you don’t text back
Even when I know you’re busy.
I hate the way your smile lights my soul
Even when you aren’t here.
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate the way you’re not around
Even when you can’t be found.
I hate it when you hid you feelings
Even when you’ve already showed me a glimpse.
I hate the way I act right now
Even when I should stand my ground.
I hate the way I despise you
Even when I am falling for you deeply.
Wrote this in 2017… just found it again.
You were constantly telling me I was sunshine and roses when I am obviously orchids and moonlight.
The way you held me, caressed my body, said my name…
They were pleasant enough but never filled the void in my soul.
You spoon fed me lies and wrapped me in a warm blanket enveloped with deception.
You cared for me up to your standards but never asked me mine.
Your words enraptured my thoughts and buried doubt into my brain.
You said you couldn’t live without me .
You told me you loved me.
That I was perfect for you.
We moved boxes and made a home.
Our possessions and limbs intertwined like lovers in the night.
We were blended.
But like water and oil we drifted, we separated.
You wanted me to change…
Not something as simple as to stop smacking my lips as I ate or to watch my intake of wine.
You wanted me to change core beliefs.
Wanted me to believe in a man in the sky who lets children starve, women get abused, and men to die.
Meanwhile my taro cards and crystals are charging in the moonlight as star dust dances upon my skin.
You were constantly telling me I was sunshine and roses when I am orchids and moonlight.
I am the universe wrapped into a humans body.
I am love.
I am acceptance.
I am all encompassing kindness.
You took it for granted and want it back.
I know who I am while you are searching for yourself.
You are wanting others to change to better your life.
When you should be accepting people you turn them away.
You took a piece of my heart… for it was yours.
But you just took a portion. Not the whole.
Spinning, gninnips, spinning, gninnips, spinning….
The world keeps spinning…
While I am standing
Some people
Cut you
Just to
Watch you bleed…
So why
Can’t bandaids
Bullet holes?
They are
All you
Leave behind.
Now I
Now I know.
Jaderbug dreams Dec 2017
I used to think the moon followed me everywhere I went.
Like a beacon of light guiding me to where I needed to be.
Now as I sit in this car looking a the man in the moon asking,

Where to next?
Jaderbug dreams Nov 2017
That weekend was unlike anything else.
The music.
The sights.
The touches.
The laughter.
The feeling.

My lips still tremble at the thought of yours pressed against mine.
They stretch in a smile when I think about oatmeal now.
They burn when I think about your skin.

My hands trace this keyboard like they are tracing your skin; lightly and hungry.
They tingle when I think about your hands in mine.
They crave for more. More.

My eyes search for yours in the night, to see your peaceful face.
They roam the skies looking for a glimmer of you.
They gaze into the future in hopes you'll still be there.

That weekend was unlike any other. I cant wait for many more with you...
but now I wait and long for you, yet I feel like I am the only one yearning for the other...
still uncertain of your feelings but I know mine and that gives me hope.
Jaderbug dreams Jan 2017
As it came for me to leave this place,
All I could think about was your loving embrace,

You were growing further and further apart,
Shattering my heart,

So I decided to put my love on the line,
But I guess I was out of time,

I left and you stayed never knowing how I felt,
How you made me melt,

So I wrote a letter,
I should have known better,

Yet I wrote that letter and hit send,
Hoping that my heart could mend,

You left me questioning,
Everything unanswered,
Always wondering how you felt,
Never knowing the possibility of us.
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