The loneliness is creeping back in.
And the negative energy seems to be filling me up to the brim.
Why the **** did i have to have so much hope.
I should have known it would have only been a matter of time until i choke.
You made me see how beautiful it can be to feel something.
But you walked away like everything was nothing.
Maybe i was blind, maybe you knew the game you wanted to play.
Every aspect of my life feels like a sick charade.
Deception around every corner and everyones in on the play.
I'm so sick of getting caught up in the middle of everyones games.
I guess i'm stuck overthinking because you won't let me back in.
But i know i would be happier if you would just talk to me again.

I felt like I was about to be set free.
You made me think you could be what I need.
But I did what I do best and ****** it up again.
If I could make things better I would want to try to be around you again.
But I'm a hopeful romantic always falling so fast.
Maybe one day I'll find someone who wants to make something with me last.
And until I can try to be a better fit.
I'll try to figure out where it is that I sit.

So what do you see when you look in the mirror?
Self doubt? Guilt? Fear?
What do you do when you're not you.
And everything is just some sick charade.
On the weak they play
And it goes on day after day.
While everyone expects you to be okay.
But there's no way out.
It's a well thought out hoax.
No this isn't a joke.
How the **** do I still have hope?
I know I want to live so why do I find myself wanting to tie the noose around my throat?
So how do I get out of this Web of chaos?
It's so quiet that no one ever sees the loss.
Loss of self.
Loss of consciousness.
Loss of thought.
Worst of all loss of heart.
Did I have anything to begin with?
Or is it all part of their plan?
I don't know what to do anymore my dreams are turning into sand.
So I guess I'll take whatever hope I have left whether it be true or false.
I have to try anything I can not to succumb to the rope.

I don't know where I'm headed but there might be hope.
Maybe I'll find something real and not feel the need to tie the noose around my throat.
I feel less alone but a little more lonely.
Everything about my life just seems so ******* phony.
I guess it's true when they say that in this life nothing is ever as it seems.
In these shoes all you can do is dream.
Even when your life is falling apart at the seams.
And you're unsure if people say what they really mean.
So what do I do to try to give my life some meaning?
My life is a mess I guess it's all a little too deceiving.  
So I guess I'm selfish for wanting to get my life back.
Who has the answers because it's almost everything that I lack.
I guess I'm just not cut out for this life.
But I'll try my best to find the answers and try not to take my life.

Trying to find my way out of this endless spiral.
I know i'm at fault too but this isn't denial.
So many people wearing masks.
And i'm still left searching for a happiness with the potential to last.
I know i used to be ready to end it all.
But every time i try to get up it's just a matter of time until i fall.
So what if there was a way to live the life of my dreams?
I try and try, but nothing is ever as it seems.
Faces come into my life but still nothing is clear.
Things might be getting worse, but i'm finding i have less fear.
I still don't know where i'm going but somehow i'm finding clarity.
Having friends in this life somehow feels rare to me.
So as i try my hardest to find some direction,
I'll hope things get better, including my sense of recollection.
And in each passing moment i'll try to get myself back.
Just so i can finally stop taking things for granted, as i try to gain what i lack.

Been running away for most of my life,
Always turning back to feeling the blade of the knife.
Getting older is making me grow colder.
No one to turn to but my own lonely shoulder.
But somehow none of it seems that bad.
Maybe it is and that's why nothing ever lasts.
I don't know where i'm going but i hope i get there soon.
Maybe if i'm lucky i'll find a hand to hold onto.
But i can never hold onto the same shoes.
And maybe that's why i'm always searching for clues.
But i'm finding that i'm running out of hope to continue.
And lately i've been mostly numb.
To death will i succumb?
I always feel like it follows me around.
Maybe that's why i feel safer in a crowd.
But what is life if you have no real connections?
I guess i need to figure out a way to change the direction.
Maybe it's all about the perception.
But until i find a way to feel better about my disarranged life.
I'll try my best to have hope and get rid of this strife.

Walking down these staggering roads.
And i'm starting to feel a little less alone.
I'm just trying to melt my heart of stone,
So maybe one day i'll have someone to hold.
But lately I've been feeling more or less cold.
But some seem to brighten my day, and I know it could never get old.
So where do I go with my eyes set on the stars?
I used to have so much love in my heart. and now i'm not sure if i'll get very far.
I guess i'll just have to deal with my cards.
As I hope and try to get back all of my lost heart.