I held peace in my hands
Not long enough to count
The seconds of immeasurable bliss
But long enough to remember.
Long enough to remember
The shades of grey it took on
After being held far too long
I held love in my hands
Though it was only metaphorical
It was merely a dream.
It was the most beautiful entity
I’d set my eyes upon
In one of my moments of lucidity.
By far the most beautiful thing
I will ever come to acknowledge
As my own
I held life in my hands
Long enough to have handfuls of memories
That keep me up at night
Wishing for just one chance
To change the past
And as I held that life
I saw the cancer invade these cells that I held
And I helplessly watched
As the purity faded away.
I began to wonder,
As my hands were so empty they began to shake.
With all these fantastical things
I’ve held at one point or another;
We’re they simply dying
Because I drove the rot into their bones?
Or was it much more complicated,
Was I not holding enough time
In between my fingers
For them to thrive?
I watched her
As she moved the stars
And put them into constellations
Just for me.
And I watched her
Streak galaxies across the sky
With just the tips of her fingers.
She did it
Just to see me smile.
For one small fragment
I watched her
As she painted the sunset
To give me a chance
At a new start.
And she saw me cry
At the sentiment
And she laughed at me,
All I could do then
And I watched her
As she fell apart.
I saw though her facade,
She thinks I never knew.
Though to me,
It only seemed to add to the beauty
Of a empty soul
About to find her
Those were the best days of my life
Those were the days that saved me
Those were the days
I could honestly say
That a hundred bad moments
Can be suffered
For just one moment
Time and time again.
Beauty mixed with chaos
Was always my fault
But I’ll love her
Till the day I can fault
The moment of shock
After watching the sky change colour.
The epitome of a wish
For every staggering moment.
Its a beautiful thing
To be watched so closely by the stars
A mix of terrible and beauty.
Comfort to chaos.
I believe in the stars.
After all, they brought you to me.
Sometimes I didn’t remember you by name
I remembered you by the scent of the wind,
The scent of home mixed with the feelings of fall
As it once again fades into winter.
From the smiles that you gave to me
Ones I had framed, anticipating to one day
Hang them on the walls
Next to your coat, dusted
With catastrophe and glamour
And just a touch of sorrow.
You left me alone long enough
For me to make it to the waters edge.
You asked me only once
Why I was standing in the rain
Looking down at the water
As the raindrops danced on the surface.
I knew somehow
They were waiting for the music to start.
So I never answered.
Though maybe I should have.
I never meant to, but I did.
I did everything I wasn’t supposed to.
I let go of the railing,
I let go of every passing second.
I fell into those star streaked waters.
I fell, and I let it envelope me in black and white; and uselessness.
I fell and I couldn’t climb back out
Of this hole
Though each time I thought back and I knew for certain
I have listened to your name being whispered to me.
On the lips of every soul I’ve ever kissed.
Giving reason and explanation
To every loss
I always wanted to be remembered
For something more than words
I wanted to be remembered
For the look of whimsy
When the last thread of my sanity
I wanted to be remembered as the cold that is left behind
Just as cold as the water lingering on your skin
As the wind rushes by.
I want to be remembered
as one who is watched by the stars
Gifted this terrible fate
But also given this beautiful story.
I believe in the stars
After all, they brought me back
— The End —