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12h · 21
Here It Is
At a glance and without knowing
I contribute more of this mind.

Sincerely hoping not to flounder out
Into another wasted moments of others

To be judged and found unworthy
One line, two thoughts three at most

Here it is folks,
Another failed attempt.
3d · 15
Another Thought
I should not keep this

The manner of seeking then.

To be and do, to see no other

A thought worth meditation

I held the steps and acts likewise

In no portion to these reasons

Yet repetition , cadence, my prison

Another thought of you.

Again and again, my prison
4d · 130
Drops on the Page
Gentle, contrasting upon pages
Soft light holds

These words penned in
My hands cursive

As the dark of shadow surrounds
Drops fall upon
A page of recollection

Bleeding ink that spreads
Makes blurry
Why it is I feel this way

Lowest moment
Freely self inflicted for no reason
Why am I like this?

A need in me that I alone
Embrace to the end this way

Alone.
Wrapped safely in a dark room
Drops on the page.
Depression even when in treatment can hit like waves to the cliffs face.  Almost self inflicted. Almost in some sick habit, I force myself to the place inside, below to the embrace.  I hate feeling this way.  I wish I could banish the path that leads me down to the misery I never earned and the torment undeserved.  Why can't I be normal and prefer the light and love and warmth.  Melancholy for too long. Something is wrong in my head.
7d · 62
Untitled
In the fall,

All is first one way


To turn, dry out

Destined to the breeze

Cold down from that

Introspective hell
Of knowing not matching my
Self appraisal
Nov 24 · 24
Blanket
I want and try so completely
This time to write, to weave
These wishes limited by
words, my words.
hard chosen.
Praying that they will
Fall and wrap lovingly, comfortably,
Forever, and always, around you
As if,.. To be your very own,
Most bestest, favorite blanket.
That they blanket you safe.
And, away.

From the perspective
Eyes like mine
Have come to view...
You.

No longer so nice
Not innocent
Only goodbyes

From the used to
Hold,..
The last, Newest and greatest.
It has been
A minute...
Hasn't it?

Harsh barbed words,
Of split second,
Split personality
Did, it...

All at once
Though lies Unknown
Can, do,
cause fights

Between the,
guilty...
of sorts absent
From respect,
Lessons.

Limit our thrice
continued, to...
Well, honest is as
Did we. Three.
Or more times
Too in love to accept
Being unwanted
But,...
Love isn't
This burden.
Its Tele-perfect
As box-raised
As I, we,..
Generation X,..
In these matters, not
the other's...

Are, or
Just me?
Third time does it
Over. Done.

Utterly. Hopeless.
Me. I'm starting to get it.
Not that it...
Unless...
Been a minute huh?



What ever, I thought
Folly but more
Once...
Nov 23 · 18
Distractions welcomed
I, when not in motion
Dread being caught in such state
For it is then that my words
And stagnant truths
Do so collect around me
Reminding, all my thoughts
Passed attempts do pool
All progress seems useless
As the lack of purpose continues

Do these waters grow thicker
Efforts then slow as I thrash about
Desperately in search of distraction
As my means of moving on.
Repressed as this is I know
It saves me from drowning
Beneath these pools
my thoughts and closure
Being without you
Nov 22 · 29
To Find Inside
Doubts weave so easily
Wading into unknown
Ways of doing something new
The weight of others faith
What if misplaced
Terrifying scenes of failing
Weaknesses in me haunting
To do my best is all I do
I am trying and always aware
The consequences of finding
My best as it is found wanting
I am afraid and I
Must keep on trying.  
No other choice have I
I will do.  I will continue
Trying.
Nov 17 · 12
Blank Canvas Findings
These are the days of forever
Background composition plays
Imagine the tint and taste
Know it to the brink
Outlines that bind these wants
Blank mind upon canvas
Hand frozen so intimately
A breath's space from...

Talent my friend gone errant
I miss him, meds dismiss this
Better with out, out when with them
I hold my breath and find
Again... Blank Canvas.
or at least the need
Is hidden behind the spread of time
That alas, this canvas represents.
Nov 16 · 108
Out Done, Yet Thankful
Every way, each day
I am present to see it.
His miracle of being
I the recipient his gift
Awestruck, humbled, blessed
This I understand completely
Though I know not how, or why
I.  This man I still learn to know
As myself, of my self,
Admit having witness his growing
In great measure do I envy him
See his approach at living, being
embodying the kindest soul,
Naturally thoughtful and caring
How he is, has become
A lesson that I do learn from
My little legacy, so far beyond
better than from which he comes
I worry for him as fathers must
But not of him, of life's unexpected
always haunting every person
just out of foretelling, behind any horizon
For this treasure of my life I know
No doubt, to be a person of light
Wits, genuine smiles, listening and learning
His my Son, He is my Hero
I am out done, and yet,
ever the more thankful.
Blessed by You Zieven Lee.
Thank You.  More than you'll ever know.
Who?  Will You?
Comments will guide
Yours? My own.
No more tonight
shall I write alone

Collaborate any direction
as few or as many as creativity condones
So I plead for random acts
Of kindness being a collaboration

Who might answer?  You?
I hope, and I wait... Comment below
Lets create and together tonight
Know for one night,
we were not alone...
Nov 10 · 21
Pierce this Darkness
Feel it and devour the texture,
wrap yourself tightly within
the sweet sticky taste of goodness
Would be folly for me to not want this
Believe, believe such conviction
as do these sighs I breathe
it is that, that can never prove itself pointless
Look and lay your harsh eyes down
upon the glowing coals of what remains
as this is, built up to contrast my indignant masks
Sell no less that the answer now
As I have it, I haven't as of yet known by touch
Treasure such as this, coarse, terrifying and perfect
So long the pendulum escaped the **** it caused,
age defines the difference from that reflected warmth
recollecting the dawn of my placement
they are waiting, feel it aching within
down and throughout to every cell I shed
home is calling it will not fade, so patient
Where foundations of ever lasting acceptance
disappointment is but a condition of unconditional
I see that light burns yet, even though regardless
my foolish, selfish ways have crashed as waves
against the cliffs of that place I step and fell away from
Pierces the night of my ignorance, carrying me
as the mothers arms to the babe, and love
is exactly the light that never faded,
I will be okay, I am home.  I am home.
I remember , the place that held me
A warmth, the like I want to know
They, the only unconditional
Grounding my reason, they are my own
It is late, so long now I have played
I feel it, it is time and I know they wait
a single lamp burns, showing my ways
I must find this, light piercing darkness
So that when they wake, I will be safe
I think it is past time, I find my way home
Want to write a lasting note
Filled and designed to do, to demand
A truthful fantasy, fictional, transparent
To whom who's soul views upon
Introducing this kindred fool of no deed

Want, is need, to do, is leading
Following the view that hindsight brings
As I have, others coming may choose so
Diverting familiar tragedy as such
This I do, I know so candidly posting
Forever to my given name, my very reputation
Any and all I have hurt, my secrets to last
Passed the breaths I am blessed

Here at last, I am, I have owned,
Confessed, choices, wrongs
Exercised demons that in truth won
The secret decision, spiritual war done

I wanted to do, or to say
Struggles are not beautiful
There are those so clothed in light
Sweet, polite, white and designed
For purposed kindness to whom
Write senseless, confusion dressed
And sold to none as poems
By a simple mind, a riddled mind,
One trying to decide what is theirs
That defines, describes, the reasons
And poorly made decisions they
In their life, waisted and chased away
The dwindling supply of the good
And right, the truths, one will own

I am tired. I am trying. I am... That one.

I, want to do right. I wish I could try over.
But I am certain that my attempt again is useful to myself alone.
Nov 4 · 79
WeAk
Ask it.

And mirror marked
Of grime, and dirt

Lines, white
Razor perfect

Eyes that haunt
My own

Approaches
A simple device
Of a vice

Choices

I find myself
This familiarity
Strings to hands
Leading feet

Want, need
To not
And no longer
Be that one

This used to numb
Thoughts are
Are not

The intentions
Put to sound
Shaky tired voice

Help me

Breathe it in
While facing
His gaze is
I
Am

Sorry





Again
Denial addiction struggles medicating disappointing failing sick weak disease excuses forgiving needs bad choices helpme
Nov 2 · 32
Words Mistreated
To be fondly seen

Others more than yet
Assemblies

of even more sums
reach new apex figures

Instantaneous, status we
Long so inwardly

upon Greater
scaled egos

As
gas to open flame

Drawing substance from
Pixel poor
illustrated fingers

Labeled as act
of
once meaningful
Once as
like

alas the day
like
Itself lost

all genuine meaning
Now goes that

mouthed sound
To join
friend or its plural

Causing contemplation
ponderous
In scale though
be it my own
How long another has
now

Self.
Or,
purpose.
Reason.

Words we mistreated.
Nov 2 · 17
There's A Side To Me
I am a self imposed stranger
To the lives in the world as they were
I played and pretended to feel
Such amazing friends to be one who isn't
I drift away. I did.  I fell away.
Maybe they saw it when I faded off
Flickering briefly and... Gone. Thought I meant a little more than nothing... Worth calling out.
I did, but I wonder why I feel this sad
Better i guess than feeling nothing again.
Like when I did.
Oct 29 · 24
Wrapped in Simplicity
Take me as I am

Be it There
then not

Back again, gone
Lost, until not

And I am abstract
Uniquely capable
I turn within
One time too few
Too late
to ask it right

I am not
one of those
outgoing types

subtle and lost
Tunneling in
the man
I am is a lost cause
Oct 29 · 97
So. You Don't
There is solace
The torn away
Beneath the paged
Never read moments
Yes. in this, memory
reason accumulates
The end of hate in me
Pouring over the faith
Misplaced in you.
Oct 28 · 22
While I Sit
In the stagnant safety of my lower levels
The dangerous daylight claws and creeps
To remind my drifting mind of life and time
For a single moment a spark of desire flares
Bright and brilliant in its piercing cry
Calling to the husk of He I do so inside reside
Action stand and strive for more fight for life
Shed the shackles the lovingly have held me
Wipe clean established programmed thoughts
Step out into the world from which you hide
That brilliant spark and its thoughts flicker
Fade and my numbness this locked away safe
Unfeeling state create the familiar lack of need
Brush away such desire and as I sit more time more life and days pass by but still the day tries.
Oct 27 · 21
Across
Fickle really foolish locked away thoughts

Far away passed tomorrow's approach

So silly to waste any falling grain of bleached white sand.

Assured it will as not has it yet that measured construct

Unturning halts not such effect as ultimate result one's birth

Do wade life its shores appreciating all the rays of living

Before and in plenty for does come that twilight ending

Fickle time ushers us to the bridge spanning the unknown horizon coming

Fear so not as never one been that could not cross by choice nor folly

For home is there all today is to be cherished memory

Never loss never lost fading to make way the youth the way it was for us

As it should be shall be so think and drink in fondly your day taking joy and love along

Across.
In either way, two horizon lines
One is from which I've made my way
My yesterday's and every scene I've seen
To this brief hesitant moment between
I which my place of reflection plays
Ahead are the days unknown to me unplayed
What lay in wait for me there?
The moment ends as time again my master
Another moment to mark such acceptance
Better i face what is to come than pretend at any way to change or revisit those of my yesterday's as this cannot be done.
Oct 22 · 19
Conclusion less
It started off with the ignorance of youth
I needed to be the best at all but myself
Making me a need in me that wrestled control
To do anything, say all the words, promising
One look for some, another to my mother
Half truths found live far less than lies seem to
Circles of talk, deceptively led to life so lonely
They all saw my rouse, they walked away
Only myself the fool to believe myself in truth
I only wanted to be liked, only lied to be so
But fake is to be cut loose, and as I am and have been, I no longer know in truth who I really am.  Now here.  Now lost to who I am or what I want.  Conclusion less.
In this may be found
Breath taking
Sums of plunder and power
Beyond the fabled ether
As God's have come to fall
I am forever, worth these folds
Creases against the very necks
Passion beating flowing within
Calling and craving to be known
Sense and far opposite talent
Do I plan my tale as confession
Before the all knowing masses
Lest they label or offer less interest
I choose no filters or  any other rule
So the bitterest tasting flesh is
Uncooked fresh and ****** digested.
Lost sight, floundered and posted anyway
To record my thoughts as they honestly are.
When far off the man I may be then reads and wonders what on earth had I been thinking.
Oct 18 · 10
Untitled
I would
If only I with emotion
Could write

Such connection
Inside I
Allow for moments

Of memory
Honest retrospective
Causes and effects

To the world
The countless unknown
Others to confess

I am
I have been
Done against
Victim of

Life is lessons
Each their own
To share mine
Is to question

Am I alone
As I feel such
Distance
Beautiful yet, those
Constructed misdirections
Barbed and sharp
Lacerations left behind
Belied the severity
The depth of which
Truth now sheds light
Yet to face weak denial

How am i
What thoughts bitter
Like bile at such
Loss of trust
Cost of those lies
As such I loved faithfully
To wound this fool
Your actions stain
And betrayal so careless

Makes the ending
A place of hate
Needlessly
As I am that price
We are that ending
I ask why?
Lies steal any closure
And I never heal.
Beneath the waves of loss
Or shouted down from Olympic heights
Encouragement resounds most
Though nearly useless muted
By this perspective
Sep 8 · 18
Endless
If you can imagine
Ink in the oceans
Howling storms
Scouring winds raging
Unstoppable tsunamis
Uncaring plagues
Forests of untamed flames
Spewing ash enveloping
Fuel for chemical skies
Acid water drops falling
Stripping the plains
Seeping and brewing
All the way through
Imagine now nothing
The remains dissolve
Only dust and clay
Barren and beaten
Vistas in cracked forgotten
Fragments of once great
Lay to fates of nothing
Familiar places hollow
All gone to hellish endings
Feel the emptiness
The taste of sadness
Loneliness that aches

Maybe then you might understand
This is how it is inside

how I feel
each and every day

See how nothing
remains

My end of days
Are endless.
Sep 8 · 88
LAST
EVEN IF WE DON'T LAST...
I STILL CONFESS, I DO LOVE YOU.

CLEAR THROUGH EVER AFTER...
EVEN AFTER, THIS HAS LEFT YOU.

I WILL CONFESS, I LOVE YOU STILL.
Sep 8 · 20
Buried
I do not need cherish
Nor fall nostalgic
Life before this present
Remains affixed permanent
As the all too collected
This awful present
Of life memories moments
Emotions combined rise
As my state of mind falls
To clean out out dispose
I can manage if I welcome
The bittersweet sadness of
A life now piled in heaps
Embarrassing and awful
Buried and not wanting
To feel those low chords struck
To some its is hoarding
Me I think I'm hiding from
The past.  Buried beneath it.
Sep 8 · 16
Repetitive Stillness
Slight, repeating

Disturbed surface such

Light in brilliant

Silence does

Shimmer and explode

To pay tribute upon

Lone drop of

Repetitive stillness

Felt as neglect

Ripples down and on

Generations

enerations

neratio s

erat o ns

a io s

as

i
Aug 31 · 25
The Light Held
Counted moments passed us
Though the light of her eyes held
The longing inside mine
Aug 31 · 20
Forced to Confront
I've built these things
As distraction from the
State of my being
Blinded

Allowed for such waste
Collected as if cherished
Now as I am daunted
Set to the task
Disgusted

What made me this way
To choose without knowing
To let slip the standards
To live and not hide my needs
So much filth now
I am shocked by
The thought that
This is me.  

No longer.
I own it to change
Aug 28 · 28
Chaos at Distance
Children come now
To stay in place safe
Yesterday is the erased
Traditions replaced
Silicone windows teach now
As sires attempt new roles
Adding weight to the confusion
At the cost of education
Those that suffer are our children
This generation will pay
And this is the new norm
Less interaction, emailed whirlwinds
Locked inside whilst parents juggle work, bills, now education, screen times, emails, passwords, logins...
Missing work to devote such time
Or risk our pride our joys health
With riskier situations...
Better call work and hope for understanding as my child comes first though I know that bills rule the world.. Let's see how this ends.
Aug 19 · 168
What the Scorned Must
The light is of then
Often, but in this
Then, once

We, you and I
Tried, trying
More than most

Reasoning was
Love of course
As it was

Genuine true
But a fix
Love, ours was
not enough

We, you and I
Both of us
Faults inside

I, myself face
Inside trying
Learning forgiveness

You must do
What the Scorned
Must
Aug 19 · 41
Two
Two
Two so lost

Seeking

To feel real

So broken

Holding an other

In love

As such is

Could

Would not what

Learn must one

To forgive

The two

So broken
Aug 15 · 36
Ever Face Away
The day is bended
Blended by monotony
humdrum foot steps
Upon the heel of then
The view is aging
A translation in spectrum
Burnt tasting inhalation my
The world aflame
As always we
All face away
Aug 12 · 20
Choose
Choose.
by: Jack R. Fehlmann

Herald this golden new
Era in which We
The whole of Us
Side be side sharing
A culmination of such
limitless these Wiser ways of living
Sustainable priorities possible
Be Mindful with methods
and practice love, patience
Usher in A place for all
For all at long last
time is and is yet
present, A gift, treasured existence
disrobe this, our making
manifesting greedful, peril
A day is soon to pass
Dangerously proportionate
As upon such precipice
Not seen for lack of remembering
Forseen and fortold
Today or tomorrow
Forever in the balance
Choose.
Aug 10 · 20
Inside out of reach
My mind is pressed upon
Imagine sinking phantoms
Such pressure crushing
But there where light is memory
The scalpels behind these eyes
As if held by ruthless thought
Are killers that attack in the bright light situations and then
Writing..  then... Is out down...
To rest my eyes and to end this ******* head ache again
Aug 7 · 37
Life lived
Tried at this
Sharing
Wool like sweaters
Warmth
Perspective scoping vantage
To find inconclusively
Life is lived conscious
But mostly
Busy and rushed
Lived either way
The passenger, me.
Riding and witnessing
Life, mine.
Archaic tools to do
So little injustice
How it is, I am.
The very perspective
My view, I
Driven to enlighten you
The rest, them
So I try shining
Brightly, me
See me, lighting
You, don't.
Why try, me
I
Aug 4 · 27
Succumbed
Next...

    Next step.


Beneath...

   Them all.

My will...

   I, will.

Next...

   Failing.

One more...

   Nothing.


Succumbed.
Aug 3 · 30
Left to Right Endings
Drawn out
and discoverable
Witness's
admit being Led
left to right
And If as when
Is read
does create as
written
A growing distance
As eyes take in words
word by line
By line leading yet
To a line's
Ending
To find
a love's ending
Therein
Nearly always
ends
in periods.

Rarely
if ever
questions?

See.
Aug 3 · 18
Lip muck
The pins held in magnetic lines
Pinwheel and meet at the poles
Everyone who ever cared was somebody then like the magic wand
Waves once then is gone
Aug 2 · 206
knots
To the you

Of  then

Soothe thin

Mortal failings

Pure once

You do yet

I must move

Interned knot

Our wants

Confused

Balled in

Thoughts
That black and white,
Picture perfect everything
house and a wife
life's problems trivial
End with happy endings,
life is perfect
airwave education
We the TV generation
the picture box taught
as kids we believed
Life will be perfect,
As we deserve it,
Expectant, entitled ignorance
To believe life as writers dreamed
Love too easy,
be the stuff of legend
this life and the next
pact promised with a kiss
Forever, through sickness
and in health,
a financed diamond ring.
the world kept right outside
does not have theme music
and it doesn't give one ****
endings are neither good or bad to
simply death, pain, incarceratiosnd injustice and a clear line drawn
Have all | want it
Survival of the richest
Jul 18 · 168
Allows Less
I live in little world
Within these borders my kingdom

My walls, my keep,
My burden is mine and mine alone

Though I strategically seem beaten
This enemy waits afraid

Their toxic men of vision
Do not know my reasoning

All they can do is speculate
Behind these impregnable walls

The mad man king rules
Because he is aline
Jul 16 · 24
Never but in passing
misdirection premeditated orchestrate




That night I met you and I never heard your name that that night you met me you never saw my face
Jul 16 · 25
Be better Son
I hope he is better than me
How the difficult choices are made
Learning through my mistakes
Shared the worst to disbelieving eyes
Fell a few rungs that day
To him I would not dull down jagged edges
He needs to see he can be better than me.
Mind your choices in friends
Believe you are above the obvious
Words can't take away when you know the truth.
You don't have to and so what if they do
You're better then me Son
Leave doors open and aim high as you can
See what you can do
Jul 16 · 24
3600
So many miles
When you needed me
As closure now I sit alone
Only the scent of you
To remind
that it was real
I wasn't dreaming
I'm a melting *** of feelings
This time
I am smiling
I let the weight free
So long beneath
which I held Exercised
The long felt anguish
Confessed undeniable
Still unreturned
and more so undeserved
Because it is right
Less and inside
The design of making
To do and accept denial
Because I am loyal
and I a fool
know no other way
Only that of you
But this fault of mine
Clear signs and good reasons
overlooked and embarassing
Infuriating, unnervinly
Set aside hurt.
Eyes drying saying
I came because
Because to do so might
To do so,...
was right
not mine this folly
being unwanted
only foretelling the direction
Of you, you set out
Chose to go once more
I the shadow
The loss
I, once more
The saddest
I, won't go
Will not follow.


3600 miles of laughing, crying and now your path again shows
That you prl
Jul 16 · 22
Another Shade
Feather light; the kiss goodbye
Countering the inward need
Shock fed omissions failing
The mirror holds him and disappointment laughs scornfully
And he knows, he will not
She won't let him...

Impotent and unwanted
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