From all black and forgotten
Another place and time
We choose to become this
At least for one life's time
These bodies are our anchor
Make possible these adventures
And without we must return home
To become mortal for a moment.
Is to remember the power of emotions
Something the timeless forgot.

It began.
With beautiful reason
Whispered
Her words echoed within
And it began...
The foundation weakened
Little pieces shift
Crumble to break loose
Falling free to fall
Each a tethered memory
Pulling the man
Into the deep despair
Down to an end
Beneath the beautiful lips
That said them.
There those memories
The man keeps
Beautiful reasons beneath.

These stars shine and though less enticing
Still sparkle as ground bound fail to incline.
Some.  Not all.  Not every.  Not I.  Not tonight.
I appreciate honest. Frequently I do.
And, admit.  Admire. Fathom so far! Yet more so ancient! Awed by their presence twinkling any other time countless.  incredible and caught in their conundrums throughout my small, small, insignificant mind.  But tonight I am inward.  Where does such an equal space as that of high now occupy as this hollowness and lack I feel within.  So very missing.  Held Hollow and unable to see anything else but my lonely heart in which none do light.

I see signs
In myself, my mind,
Thoughts and inner dialog.
Often unequal in measure
The encouraging worlds inside
Are given less and less time.
Thoughts thick with tar-like
Nature cling to more and more.
Sticky and persistent, jet black negative
And I consciously fight not to concede.
Grasping, groping, trying desperately
To counter and believe
I am better.  But am I?
The reasons I need, need to keep
Are difficult to find and the line is ever closer.
Signs too common are frequent
Tears that I realize I am crying ?
The calm voice within that speaks of an end.
I banish again and again to no end.  
I've made and am a mess of a man
And I tire of the fight.  Again signs I'm...
Bitter, afraid, and finding that I am to blame for all that I have not in this world.  This tiny life of struggle and bad choices.  Of pushing out before hurt or hurting.  I have accomplished only being missed by none.  Two steps from completely and utterly alone.  And I've felt so all alone to think that there comes yet even farther down is... Not in me. This depth is my limit, anymore and all deals are off.  So I sit and I struggle.  I write, and know I need to find someone I can talk to.  If I will? As I know deep down I must ... Has yet to be seen.  
As if a part of me just doesn't want to.   Growing Whilst Falling Apart is all I'm doing.
If you've read to this end, thank you.  For listening.  I x

Few words

Hurt worse

Be they used

Be they not

Few words

Hurt

either way.

So I say
To the king of
A land filled
With refuse
"What a lovely pile"
With a smile and
now deeply bowing
"Your Highness"
Upon a mound
Of broken, tossed away
Treasures
"Yours is the nicest"

The way my eyes and mind seemingly pursuit vastly different avenues at one time is nearly as amazing as the realized notion that I am still hung up on you.  While at work, relaxing and other activities you seem to come into and gather the part of my mind that can see with out eyes, outside of time. There we are and I remember.  But the memory of touch, of kisses, cuddling, love and... Those sensations I can only watch as they happened.  I do not relive or feel them.  Even where you remain mine.  It is not the same.  And I wonder what your kisses felt like when you pressed those perfect lips to mine.  I know I enjoyed it.  I miss it.

Speak if this no more
Spring still shines outside
Invitingly pleasant
Pretend this was nothing
You never saw or wanting
I will not betray our
Song birds call from beyond
Taste of whatever this now
Never was lays lightly upon
Lips that forget so as to never slip
Things that never happened
No more guilt to be hoarded
As consciousness wants this truth
Our secrets consume

The day is growing to half over
And I have yet the spark to create,
Trying feels like an out of reach dream
Strength is a distant memory.

This began as so many have
Before, when I lived out loud
Never fumbling from a lack of
Owning only the possible
Too willing to do or say the hurtful words
As now we stride no shared mile
As many this too has ended
Damaged collateral exceedingly one sided.
And life, goes on, choices find you.
Then and now are tools used and I lose
This mind puzzled and cycles to return to
Nothing, no other shares the hollow person I've made of myself as I love nothing as I loved you.

Ruin,..

Loves making places cherished.

Makes minds write of those moments.

You remain.

Too long, even now,
Heavily against this heart.

It's, mine.  My own wanting

You.  Beautiful.

Even from this,
Such distance do you stay.
Like staring at light as it goes out.
The image, memory of a sight.

You.  Remain.  Even Now.

Difference is you never fade.
You. Remain.

Alone

In flight aimed at denial.

Aloft

Thrown with purpose

Apart

Impacting a breath this side

Another

Win denied

I read and I am so many
though honestly, only one.
I breathe and ache,
Your words make me feel.
To be found, O' if only
One of one and only.
I digress, as is best.
To take in, and witness
all manner of this condition.
In Love, as I am
Again and again and again
fallen as the heart I sent
represents how taken I am
In love with you through your
poetic postings.  You'll never know
who or how you have won
the heart of a man, that only writes
of the way the heart does just the opposite.

tell them to me again
One last
I will still
I will be present
Whisper so it's ours
We two
I need to
Fall once more into
The song spell
Your voice
I plead and confess
An oath
This will be the last
I saved a place  
to cradle
the best most missed
Cherished
Thoughts like honey
Of then
When I was
Desired and wanted
Please I will be
Quiet yes
I will be present
After this
Never again

I am at first taken back,
By such an unexpected tact
Then oh almost as quickly
Far far more completely
Is my disregarding counter
Inside knowing I could never
Put one such as you through
The madness of my ways
As I know such toll it will exact

Now what does that say
About how I view myself?
What does that say
When I want to say yes anyway?

When I need,

that,

that finds no want

reciprocating.

Only  

that lack itself

as proof

that,

no two ways

may, combined

bring that

that,

first and last

best,

part once found

in Me Back

It is the peace
Of this moment
It seems to flow
Out, down, along
Familiar creases
Of an aged and worn,
Tired face gazing up
Slight smile playing
A sigh so soft, goes
As colors, every one
I had ever known, rise
And falling, but gently
Floating and growing
Once free those lips
Smiling now, slightly
These shades feel right
Like lightning in a storm,
Waves crashing, the sun rising
Outside of time, I am,
Brilliant and wonderful
I escape, this,
at long last
Reuniting, as
and of now
every color
of this, that, known
Now, this
The way of ending
that thought, so brief
Than, No more
and I am at peace.
I am found.  
Content.
Welcomed Home.
I am returned,
Unto and throughout,
Every rainbow,
all the colors of this world.

I am...

Beautiful.

Without sight, I have only
And, am only reflection
A man, on a declining path.
Looking up at his past
Amazed at the hope embodied.
With no outlet, or connection
I am simply over come
In a color of a mood
Opaque and deeply dark
What have I done

Why we weave our own messes
And these knots that seem so random
Are all but instead they are our ways
Safe like a blanket made from our patterns

The cat eyes the person that delivers the food.
Never questioning if they might not one day.

This is all I needed from you.

Allow One, to the past
But there they need leave it
One may clarify then.
A word misunderstood?
Deed less than?

One need only live today
though long for what has gone
so long as not lose sight of here and now.
Now is real.  Now is precious.

Though do know
Now holds possible hurt.
Hurt when not felt and understood
well, it will stay in the now.
Only when one lets it.

Take these words to heart.
For the difficult lessons such was learned from
Trust that it returns in words,
and its edge never cleaves as deep
If firmly present here and now.

Even the One
Very, very best reason
may endure.

But We

Endure... Love

A hundred words
simply cannot.

Not nearly enough.

My love,
It is yours alone.

Unlike anything,
every waking thought.

Yours,
and filled with so much.

This connection ,
affectionately beats in time.

Mine in my breast answers
as if called upon.

Never changes.

As I sit and write
or read sad words so perfect

As to fit, or mirror like reflect
every written poem

Unanswered
as if unread, unheard

You may never
Know in fact how lost I've become

How complete
Desperately in love

One alone must
such as I do even after

Must...
Endure

I see it in the smiles
as I do or say
or jokingly play away
all the flaws  
That lay just behind
right inside my eyes
those windows within
that if caught
do tell
that the smile
the humorous portrait
is but to hide
the truth
of how I can be
how I feel
the extent
of inadequacies
and loathing
that laughter hides away
Only okay
only how one finds me.

To wrap my lips around that tongue of gold

I bet it tastes better than rainbows dipped in Mmmm-hmmm-sauce.  Hot. Or cold.

Oh, to press this subject until it penetrates that
Generous all but me libido.  

My eyes would gush if those tears didn't evaporate so quickly.

I find, this night, myself, caught
In the middle, of a midst
Quite the example, of an emotional pickle
I have a need, to miss you, or long after
My oh my, do I...
Times as this moment of which I write
Every fiber of my world unwinds,
As I imagine to feel you near me
Therein resides that perplexed piece
To this pickle puzzle I am at such a loss for.

How can I miss, or feel my heart, lonely, thinking what if only...
I have yet to meet you.  If at all you do exist?
Regardless, I do.  I miss and hope that soon I get to meet you.

Fable is ever after
At least for one such
One day a split
A separation of body
And the one inside.
The two at odds
As ageless passengers
Within mortal matter
To live through the signs
As our fleshly prisons
Fall apart, until it carries no more.  
What lessons must be so cruel.
When ones body falls to pieces
Around you.

Simply put, you are far too fortunate.
I predict, your blissful ignorance, skewed view
Guards the one you are inside.

Never known the static stinging  burning denial, of the passed over.
We, find much more far less offering and engaging.

If I could
  want You more;
     I would burst
       Into countless
         droplets of pain.

If one look
To have stole
this heart here;
I might have
again within
mine back again.

If I failed
to be He;
Your Mr. Right .

If You weren't
exactly perfect;
I'd be no less
caught in your eyes.

I'd never have You;
Time and place.
Inevitably.

If I had more
Of Your eyes;
I would burst
Into countless droplets
Of pure joy.

If one touch
Made You want;
Inevitably
You would decide...

Why do you do this?
Just enough to lure?
Not so much as to welcome.
Timed perfect to when I get you out.
Just enough to create a need again.
Or second guessing your reasons.
The need in my breast is the feel of that last kiss.
My unwillingness to forget is just enough
To bind my dreams to you
Blind me to how you are and will never be
Too much. For me.  Within touch.
Just enough to let me think maybe.  One day.