We dress in all black when we’re apart,
Two walking shadows trying to escape the dark.
You told me you wanted to feel something,
And you thought cutting yourself open would be a start.
You’re too young to feel this empty,
But what is one to feel without a heart.

Love never told us what to do, but your friends did.
All of the people who couldn’t keep a lover,
Seemed to give the only advice that you listened to.
I tried to bring you to your senses,
But your hearing and our vision seemed to fail.
I said that we should take a break,
And you just told me to go to hell.
I’ve burned to this very day,
My heart too heavy for any scale.

Our home became just another house,
One side of the closet cleaned out.
My patience and hair are running thin.
I just want to be back with you again.
I threw everything away that you left,
Except for our memories, and only the best.

The pills couldn’t rid my mind of you,
But you’re long gone,
And all you left me with was the song
That was your laughter
And the art
That was your smile.

Her phone lights up again.

It’s well past 2 am.

She checks it.

Hoping and praying that it’s him.

She is disappointed once again

As her thoughts

And her phone

Once again fade

To the same shade of darkness

That she holds within.

Dear friends and family,
I chose to be selfish for once. Yes, I thought of all of you. Every single person that will read this, you’ve crossed my mind a time or two at least, even if I never saw your face or heard your voice. I had to do this for myself. Instead of doing other selfish things such as hanging myself like an artist’s unfinished painting, overdosing on any of the number of medications I have readily available, blasting a bullet through this thick skull of mine, or running into the tree that I catch myself staring at on my way home from work every day. No, instead I chose to be selfish in a way that would not end my life. This may come as a relief to some and a surprise to others. I chose to be selfish in a manner that would cut ties, but give me an opportunity to reach out and create new connections that I could have only once dreamed. I have chosen to move on and venture, and as I go forth, just remember, I thought of you.
Kind Regards,
J. Foster

Your signature was so crisp
And so elegant.
But now it is smeared
With the thoughts that once made up
My ****** up mind
that was once so alive
and utterly depressed.
I asked you to sign
that 147 grain piece of shrapnel
To keep in my 9mm handgun
In case anyone ever tried to hurt me.
I just wanted to make sure
That I would have you with me.
But now you’re gone
And so am I
And the crimson streaks
Left on the walls and ceiling
Of the bedroom where we once shared so much intimacy
Scream
that all is not as right in the world
as we teach our children to hope for.
So I bid you farewell,
And I hope that the cops come to you,
Bring you the bullet that flew through my skull,
And say, “This belongs to you.”

He left you hanging
once again today,
But this time
it wasn’t by not coming to pick you up
like he said he would,
It wasn’t by forgetting
About the dinner plans y’all had made
Just last week,
And it wasn’t by reading and not replying
To the first text you ever sent him
Asking if he would want to hang out.
This time
it was when he walked through
the front door,
And saw you hanging
from the loosely-knotted noose
that you had freshly made
While waiting for him to pick you up.
Instead of checking
to see if he could still save
what was left of you,
He did what he does best.
He left you hanging.

I would rather stare down the barrel of a loaded gun than be alone.
Because then at least there will be someone with me when I go.
Pulling the trigger would relieve the pain,
And I wouldn't even have to worry about the aim.
Just us in an open room but with nowhere to run.
I wouldn’t want to if I could.
I gave her the gun.

I wouldn’t be where I am without you.
I’d still be wandering, wondering.
I thought you would be my support,
But you showed me that I needed to be my own.
You’re easy to get along with,
Since you never talk back.
Your make up so simple,
But I could never recreate you.
If I don’t see you for a day,
I know that I’ll still be ok,
But I need you in my life.
I hope no one ever takes you away.
I was told that you were my best hope,
And you turned out to be the only hope I have.
My mind is more free because of you.
I can finally go a day
without wanting to fall asleep
And never awake.
So I just wanted to thank you.
You never want anything in return,
And that’s what we have in common.
Who knew that something so small
Could make such a big impact on my dismal life.
Other people may use you,
But they don’t see what I see in you.
I see hope,
Hope for the future,
Hope for a better life,
And hope that one day
I may never need you again.

I didn’t know it was a sea of glass
That I was jumping into
Until I was already cut open.
What had looked so inviting and clear,
Now opaque and stained
With the crimson that had once flowed
Through my gentle veins.
The stitches that people offered
Were not enough
To sew me back together.
So I lay shattered,
Just like that beautiful, broken mess
That was the sea of glass.

The last reflection that I saw clearly
Came from the face you made
Right before walking away.
It wasn’t one of disgust
Or even of disdain.
It was as if you were exhausted.
Like you had given your all
For far too long.
I guess you were right
To walk away when you did.
No one can blame you for it
And especially not I.
You should have left sooner
Before you decided
To take my heart with you.

All I see
When I gaze into mirrors
Is a reflection of you.
Who you wanted me to be
And whom I forced myself to become.
I would be lying
If I told you that I’d be here today
Without your help.
I guess that’s why
You never came back home.

Your wedding gown still sits in my closet.
I refuse to touch it.
The last time I did,
it was sliding off of your fragile frame.
You seemed so happy in that moment.
Everything seemed so… Perfect.
The lights were on, and you didn’t care.
You smiled at me,
so deviously,
Because you already knew
You would be giving that smile to someone else less than a year later.

I longed for her cool touch
to cool my burning desire.
I later realized,
I couldn't thaw her frozen heart.

I didn’t mark on my calendar
The day that you took your things and left.
I refuse to remember who I was before that day.
I’ll never look back and find the defining moment of who I now am,
But I have a feeling your footsteps led the way.

Glossy eyes and a glazed over smile.
Curled hair and an upbeat tone.
I walked up to you for what seemed like a mile.
Your eyes were down and you were on your phone.
I knew my name wasn’t in it so I had to take the chance.
You looked away.
Didn’t give me the time of day.
All I wanted to do was dance.

I saw you leave with him, but I wasn’t upset.
I tried my best but I wasn’t enough.
Its crazy how I can remember this now and still feel regret
All these years later I finally called your bluff.
Now you’re walking toward me in a wedding gown.
It’s impossible for me to frown.
But I still can’t help but drown and fight
The thought of you sleeping with him all those years ago
And I’ll never tell my brother about that night.

I keep a spare key under the welcome mat,
But no one ever needs to use it.
The hinges on the locks never squeak.
No one has taken that spare key in almost a year
to keep for themselves.

I leave my door unlocked.
People come and go as they please.
No one ever stays.
My door remains unlocked.

Glossy eyes and a glazed over smile.
Curled hair and an upbeat tone.
I walked up to you for what seemed like a mile.
Your eyes were down and you were on your phone.
I knew my name wasn’t in it so I had to take the chance.
You looked away.
Didn’t give me the time of day.
All I wanted to do was dance.

I saw you leave with him, but I wasn’t upset.
I tried my best but I wasn’t enough.
Its crazy how I can remember this now and still feel regret
All these years later I finally called your bluff.
Now you’re walking toward me in a wedding gown.
It’s impossible for me to frown.
But I still can’t help but drown and fight
The thought of you sleeping with him all those years ago
And I’ll never tell my brother about that night.

Damaged good are always on sale
In every store, whether resale or retail
No one wants something that’s broken down
Except for when they see that certain person walking around town.
She is shattered and mangled, but not on the surface
A beautiful sight, her eyes lit like a furnace.
She sells herself, but not for ***
What’s given away is more complex.
The idea of being wanted is too far gone,
Like her dignity which left her for so long.
So she lives her life always seeming distraught,
But really it’s only because of her thoughts.
They consume her mind and swallow her whole,
And every day it takes its toll.
She is worn and broken, and it’s clear to see
What once was so beautiful, wild, and free
Is now in the past, she can’t help but reminisce
The days that were once so grand and full of bliss.
She gave up when she gazed in the mirror,
Seeing what couldn’t be any clearer.
She’s still the same person that she once was,
Except now she’s in the prison which does
Consume her mind, her heart, and intent
For her sins she feels she must repent.
Her past is one that no one would yearn,
And to this day the thought still burns.
If not for that single mistake
Then to this day his heart wouldn’t have a break.
She sold herself, but nothing is new
For it has happened to all of us a time or two.
We sell ourselves short in all that we do,
But what we must remember is that there are very few
People in this world that remain pure and true.
All the rest are damaged at best,
And in the end it’s what separates them from the rest.
I discount myself, but I will never be sold
On any ideas that I have ever been told.
When I get put down, what people don’t realize is that I have already found
The worst critic on this planet, the one sitting down
Writing this poem and filling your thoughts,
Making you feel like that damaged box.

The first time I looked into her eyes, I saw what she was talking about.
The pain was there, and it was alive.
The stone grey pupils that I couldn’t help but stare into were a solemn tone, but I saw the beauty in the pain.
I saw straight through what her eyes were telling me.
I saw the girl behind those eyes, and the beauty that lied within the fragile frame that was taking all my time.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The shattered thoughts of a once beautiful mind,
Become quite different once you leave someone behind.
Someone who once meant so much,
The soul that could make him quiver at but a touch.
A future that once seemed so bright,
Now dead and gone like the evening light.
For what once was such a beautiful thought,
Now makes him solely feel distraught.
The subtle ending that came too soon,
Their lives forever intertwined as though in a loom.
Now he must move on, leaving his thoughts behind,
Though forever he’ll know she had a beautiful mind.
Though some people come and others go,
Not everyone has the option to do so.
Whenever the time comes, the reaper knows,
The next soul that he wants, and the seed is sowed.
Six feet in the dirt another beautiful mind wastes away,
And six years later, he still hears the song her heart once did play.
One of love and opportune, now gone forever, all too soon.