most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.

in those distant days, i said i never wanted to puff a single cigarette; i never wanted to put any dangerous substances in my system that would compel me to ask for it over and over again. you might be getting high off them, but the thought of they’d harm me—consume me little by little, gradually, until there’s nothing left with me but addiction and dependency is dreadful to me.

it all changed after you decided to break my heart.

now, i don’t care if i harm myself with cigarettes or any dangerous substances. i’m not afraid. because i survived you. you and your love are more harmful. the apocalyptic moment when we pressed our lips together, you also ****** the soul out of my body, leaving me a little to none of myself; you crept inside of me, savoring my vulnerability—they're even more harmful and addictive and euphoric than cigarettes or any dangerous substances could do to our bodies. yet i still survive, although i'm trembling every now and then with some pieces of you and me left in my grasp.

i only want you to be happy
                                                even if it being so, does not include me

i want the best for you; even if i couldn't be the one to give them to you

i want to be the one makes your heart melt;
i want to be beside you ever single second of my life
and most especially when you've had a bad day
I WILL MAKE UP YOUR DAY,
EVEN if you tell me to stop wasting my time on you
i would gladly waste all my hours, minutes,seconds
days,weeks,months, EVEN YEARS
just to see you happy,

i want to give you all my love; but i don't have the chance to do so

clearly you love him; i love you
obviously i should stop trying;i love you
probably because i love you too much; its true
that i did not see the knife coming
that's about to go through my heart
and rip it apart, now it's gone
but,, at least your happy but just not with me
and now i'll stop trying; because just like i said before

i want you to be happy
                                       even it being so,does not include me

The first time
you said you loved
me, it was as if
I had been pulled aboard
a life raft after being
lost at sea. But
I see now that this
raft is littered with
holes and
we are sinking, but
you are convinced
that your love is a
teacup to scoop out
the water pooling around
my ankles and you will save
us, but the teacup has a crack
down one side and
do you see where I
am going with this?
A tablespoon of water
will never put out
a forest fire; I am burning
through acres.