I think I am still bitter
over all of it.

I have declared self-enlightenment
from past heartaches and let downs.

Yet, I can't seem to let anything go.

I find the manipulation in people.
I search for the reasons not to trust.
I'm still trying to be alone,
though every atom inside of me,
clearly wants to be loved.

I am such a failure I can't even write a poem.

I can't string my simple thoughts into coherent sentences

What

A

****-up

Lying down in just a T-shirt
I can only hear myself breathe
In and out
In and out
Why did you always shout?

I swear I'm trying my best
It's been months since I've shed a tear
But tonight, I dry my eyes
Close my eyes
Sick of all your lies

These four walls witness my sobs
I don't want to keep it in anymore
I'm breaking down
Torn down
There's only silence, no sound

My mind goes numb when they say your name
My heart pounds, I can't breathe
Flying away,
I'm flying away
I can't feel my body –as I lay

Here you are, still won't admit your mistakes
My God! My hope fractures
No gravity
There's no gravity
I'm hanging in between —you and me

Amazing —isn't it amazing when you realise you don't need anyone to be happy? When you stop depending on people or things to bring you joy –when you stop waiting for anyone or anything at all to make you feel complete? It finally stops bothering you if anyone is paying attention to how scarred you are or if anyone is ignoring the tiny details you're giving them -those subtle cries for help..
It's important. It really is. Just like we need oxygen. We need that. That kind of assurance, that self-confidence –that kind of knowing that even if you fall, if you fail, if you're pulled down —you still have you. Even if nothing else, but you -being you.

I'm a mess, I know
Back then I was eleven years old
I saw my mother fighting each day
Cancer really spoils you in the worst possible way

I wanted to run, I wanted to change
But I guess old habits can't be tamed
I longed for the attention, the care
I know it sounds selfish, but does it sound insane?

Things happen for a reason, and so I know
I was only happy when I had the stars that glowed
Little hands longing love, put on hold
"You need to change" –as so I was told

Dear person
That stinging feeling in your chest
That overwhelming fear of death
That demon in your head
Let's put it all to rest

If you ask me
I can tell you stories with no end
And just before "hate" was about to bend
They tell you heart is not to mend
Seal your lips —let's pretend

You and me, us
We're the tribe here to suffer
It gets lonely, but you're tougher
Speak the truth, why you muffle?
"Always happy" is for the bluffer

Hear me out here today
When you lose and there's nothing to say
Raise you head, life's a play
You need to fight for it to pay
Be prepared —because it may..

You're the ashes but in a golden tray
Feel the difference, feel it here
You're not deep
Oh but –you're oceans away

Far from reach because you fly
Your conscience will remain
Out of dozens, because you were sane
Always picked on, felt the pain
Stand high, don't be tamed
Enjoy the storm —let it rain

Ask me if I'm okay
I'll tell you I'm fine
It's a risk I want you to take
Outside the blurry line

It'll take a lot of strength
To break the wall I've made
But don't forget, sometimes
The saver wants to be saved

Talk the sense out of me
Untangle every piece
With the touch of your fingers
Make the time cease

I'm the fallen grace from heaven
A sinner who likes to revere
Stay here, to ******* tale
I'm distant —yet I'm near