My sadness provides me with comfort
Sick, isn't it?
It's just something that's always been there
Consistency
That's comforting to me
And as much as I want to feel the sunshine on my cheeks
And have flowers bloom within my mind
Part of me is so scared to leave my sadness behind

It was late September
Rain poured
and I drunkenly stumbled into your arms
You spoke of how I smelt of whiskey,
And how I forgot my shoes
You laughed at my slurred words
And drunken honesty
But that was the night we spat out the truth
"I love you"

See, here you are less than real
A hollow shell of winter's breath
encasing you in a blanket of stars
Perhaps you are farther
than I thought

See, here you cannot hear me
My voice is my grip
And I'm losing it
Perhaps I'm the one in the vise
and you're already gone

See, here you cannot feel me
There are serenades in my touch
I wish you'd notice
Perhaps the grief on my fingertips
is all you have

See, here you are oblivious
Trapped beneath a sea of ice
with the sky collapsing on you
Perhaps you are no more
And I'm just a fool

See, here you cannot be mine
The silence of oblivion is your embrace
Will you listen to the ballads in my curses?
Perhaps you cannot leave, either
And I'm on the precipice

See, you are my breath
You are my prison
You are my only freedom
Perhaps I should just walk away
But I am
       waiting

                   for your
                          heartbeats
                                    to come
                                                back.

And I will wait for you
Like the broken glass
of a window
Forgotten, and never fixed

I'll always be waiting-
For you to open the door
and not the window
© 2014 Christina Jackson

We walked together across the empty hallway with the bright morning light smashing through the windows. I grabbed him by the hand and suddenly I forgot about all the wrong paths life was leading me and for that moment everything felt right on Earth. I wouldn’t change a single thing about that day, though I was aware that was a selfish thought. But then again, why did I have to feel guilty about being happy? He was like a breath of fresh air on my lungs, like a feeling I could never get enough. He made all of the world's craziness seem bearable as long as he was beside me, and for the first time in my life I dared to let myself drown by that overwhelming thing that everyone's always talking about.