Ivy Leigh Oct 2
You don’t hold me like in my dreams.
You hold on much tighter
and now I feel so far.
I can’t say more than I already have
to make you stay by my side.
It feels like I got pulled
out of the ocean
only to find were both
just standing in an unfamiliar
puddle.
9/18/18
Ivy Leigh Oct 2
Nauseous
mouth watering
fear and disgust
and love.
**** in your pant
kind of discomfort.
Like a spotlight
shinning in the pit
of my stomach.
The hole that everyone
I’ve ever known
has helped me dig.
You were the only one
to ever push me in
so you could bury me alive.
The dirt on my skin
makes me look bruised
and reminds me of how
you want to destroy me.
10/1/18
Ivy Leigh Oct 2
To sit in silence, listening to others
blubber about things they think they know,
and I think I know better
because of my rigid brain.
There are forgotten circumstances
of misplaced judgment onto
what always feels like me.
I’m so sad my life
is being defined on others’
emotional baggage projected
on my mysterious complexity
that is seen as naive and worthless.
Ivy Leigh Sep 15
Tell me a story
because I am so bored
but you'll have to tell me twice when
I don't listen, but ignore
the present handout of useless information
I know all there is to know
on a stack of vague flash cards
because who needs to see a clear picture
of the future when the past
can be changed in so many different
scenarios in my brain
it's insane to think fully
of the dissociation I just spewed

for you to understand that not everything
has to do with you
Ivy Leigh Sep 15
Step 1: Make a list. Throw out list. NEVER do anything on the list.

Step 2: Observe the state of your room, it represents your mental state. Do not clean unless you are emotionally prepared.

Step 3: **** the fly in your room. It represents all of your frustrations. Show no mercy.

Step 4: Hurt someone close to you. If you can't be happy, then they can't be happy. Blame everything on them.

Step 5:
Ivy Leigh Sep 15
I'm writing this just cause I wanted to see that title again.
I'm going to be ******* alone, but I already was.
I think I was hoping to get amnesia so I wouldn't remember the things that changed our relationship forever.
Ivy Leigh Sep 14
He used to choke me.
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