There was once a man who enjoyed pain...
As if there was something to gain.
No one cared and he went for the knife.
Pain was all he knew his entire life.

Scars in the flesh & a wounded soul...
Now time has passed and the heart now a black hole.
Any love absorbed never to be returned.
All suitors burned.

Insincere smiles flashed to play the part...
He would never attract his sweetheart.
Always playing new roles against the odds.
A cruel joke in mortal form by the gods.

Since pain was all he knew,
his plans were already in queue.
New victims chosen yearly,
by the end he loved them dearly.
**He treasured his victims who wounds left when provoked.

Today I write with a heaviness in my heart...
The love I thought so dear was someone just playing the part...
The pictures and moments will always stay within my soul.  The arguments nonexistent, no hate only pain.

Sometimes love can evaporate like alcohol on a deep wound.  The sting as harsh as being put into the cold ground.
Unrequited love is the saddest thing to discover when things are not always in our control.
I could not have aimed for higher goal.
I am not perfect and perhaps my thoughts scared you away...  then again life is a learning process where love hurts.

Today I remembered my first friend,
he said I was anti-social,
I explained I'm just extraordinarily shy,
it hurts to open up...
like a fatal wound sometimes.

*We were vague but my wounds cut deep into my present.

I once thought love was real...
A heart shattered like glass broken by rocks in Chicago.
May the one without sins cast the first stone...
And so I did.
Unspoken words are *better left known than unsaid.

Anyways I was always the first to leave.
A hopeless romantic blinded by loyalty.
A picture means a thousand words,
nothing more true...
Words cut like a razor blade.

To this day I did not want to fall in love again...
Because lies, betrayal, mistrust, cheating* always ensued.
I felt like Beyoncé in the elevator with Jay-Z and Solange.
Defenseless, yet angry, willing to stay for now.
Blinded by rage I waited to leave but plagued by health.

Lonely but it's alright,
every day sadness falls upon the night,
God is here to listen to my trouble...
He pays attention and guarantees double,
double for your actions and multiplies it for your rebellion.

All is fair until you reach the end,
nothing will mend,
those wrinkles make you turn to stone,
the hourglass never gives you a loan.
*Just more corpses in the ground.

The calm before the storm,
happens before I transform.
This is not ordinary weather we've experienced,
a sandstorm of emotions for the inexperienced.
The easiest way to become numb comes from liquid poison.

Like a moth drawn to its death,
I flock to the bottle without taking a breath.
It's so easy to drown under the pressures of life,
avoiding the strife.
My will died some time ago.

One with my thoughts,
I take shots.
When I wake up did it fix anything?
In love with every last drop and the sting.
**Then the shame of my past reminds me of the great battle ahead.

From aftermath of the car accident,
I'm still left wondering how I'm alive...
I'm indebted to those who helped,
Shocked at the fragility of life,
And most of all thankful to God for another day.

Although the only things lost were material,
I lost a fraction of my soul,
reality is no longer the same,
from here on now I can only move forward.
One thing I did gain was experience, I'm a comeback kid!