how can i want to heal yet
keep hurting myself at the same time?
how can i find happiness
when the only thing
that makes me feel good is pain?

We used to talk until the world went quiet
and the sun would about to wake
now it takes so much energy out of us
to ask how the other has been

We used to constantly say "I love you"
and now I say "I miss you"
and get nothing back in return

You always said that I deserve more
and maybe you were right
but that doesn't make me love you any less

It doesn't make this hurt any less

you said you give relationships your all
but i only see you trying
when you break things off

it hurts so much
this **** heart in my chest
beating so loud for others
yet it's hollow for myself

I guess I could've spoken up
or said something
but I didn't want to ruin
how we were in that moment

I told you
I was confused about my feelings for you
but that I couldn't stop thinking about you
and you told me that we should stay
friends
because you'll be leaving by the end of the year
and now that I can't have you
my emotions have come full circle
and all I want
is to be
more than friends

I suppose you could say
I'm
falling
for
you

I've felt what it's like
to have fingers
dance on my thigh
and to hold a hand
and to have you search my body
like an ancient artifact
and now that you're gone
all I think about
is contact
and how much I need it now
that I know
what I've been missing

I looked at the clock and it was 11:11
but then it switched to 11:12
and I missed my chance of wishing
that you were here.

I write poetry
because there are some things
I simply cannot talk about.

1. you and how much I have to say to you
but I can't say it
2. how my mind turns off and I feel like there's
a weight pulling me down
3. how confused I am about everything
4. you
5. how much I love you

He is always here
but he will never be
you

Does your heart ache
like mine does
knowing we are even
farther away from each other
than we were before

Who knew loving you
would hurt.

I can't explain the swell in my chest
when you say you will miss me
and that you wish I was with you
and that you love me,
and I know we are friends
but I feel like you're my
home.

"I don't want you to go out on your own"

Those words have kept me trapped inside this cage
of walls and glass and wood floors
but also trapped under clothes that cover my skin
afraid of eyes that may peer through

Your safety and protection is like a warm blanket
that provides comfort
but it can also suffocate me on a sweltering summer night
freedom is a natural calling
and why do others get the sweet release
of opening a door
and not worrying about what could happen to them
when they walk down a street
why do I have to watch from windows
and wonder what it's like to have this sense of
normality and power
to be this person that can roam

Why do mothers warn their daughters
but don't tell their sons
that their sisters and friends
have the same skin as they do
that they deserve to walk out into the night
and not have to wonder about the eyes and tongues and fingers
that lurk behind them
why do we limit what the girls of this world can do
just for their safety
how will that accomplish anything
when we don't tell the boys of this world
that they don't have power over us

It's a cloudy Monday
and I'm having trouble
trying to describe you in one emotion.

I didn't realize how sad I was
until someone asked if I was okay