Is it better to love in the midst of entire uncertainty?

Is it better to merely survive in the midst of certain security?

She was never one for ensuring her own death..

She was also never one to be anything but in love with everything around her to the most extreme of all extremes.

As I run away
Thoughts overtaking me
I've signed off for good
Hating how much I need you

But you find me
With your busted finger
Resentfully childish
And everything that I've ever needed

So close I can feel it
All around
I am reaching ******
All the way
My heart swallowed by you
All of it
Your love encompassing
All of me
I tremble at the thought
All the time
You want me forever
All 'your days
Instead I find the lies
All too quick
Consuming me blindly
All I see
It's truthfully tragic
All in all

You want to give it all

But what if........

The feelings I hid away
You wanted them
But I know the best for you
And they would **** you

I've always known the best for you
And that's why you sent me away
But the sorrow that consumes me hole
I cannot feel today

I turn to you in hopes that I
Can continue on without
These feelings that I hid away
But ****, they demand to be felt

I'm in a place I've been before
The one that most don't survive
But she is here, she put herself here
That never was a surprise

She turns to me, in hopes that she
Can continue on without
The guilt she tries to hide away
By filling me with doubt

A future, safety, all of the things
The things not set in stone
Begin to slowly fade away
Before I could make them my own

She looks at me, words on her tongue
I'm scared for what is to come
"We have to stay away from her"
"It's him, she has become"

Just rip my heart from my chest
I'd rather feel that instead
Cause the one thing I knew for sure
Was that he'd never get in my head

So cold, I know you can't believe it
Sometimes you gotta face the feeling
When you don't care if you get up again
There's a thousand things I will not understand
How you dealing with the hell I put you through?
If I had my way I would be right there next to you
There's certain things in life you cannot change
There's certain things

I hope you know I care

I've been alone too many nights
Too proud to tell you when you're right
A little patience would have helped me then
A lot like the break has been the common standard
All the angels above the earth I prayed
Send this message right into his head
There's certain things in life I cannot take
And I will wait

I hope you know I care

This pain
All encompassing
A strange filth
That I can't wash off
I mean how
How could I possibly
Ever see
All of those buildings
All of those hallways
All of those streets
That library
Without instantly melting
Into the ground
Where I belong
Where my purpose lies

I am the abelias

Everything about it
It was all so perfect
Yet I could see the end
From the very beginning
It was all so heavy

Your love for me
Was enough to end me
The seas you crossed
Unfortunately
You're so heavy

I could have been fine
That would not have been me
I absorb all things unseen
Unfortunately
I'm so heavy

It was all so flattering
Until I felt you behind me
Hurling machinery in anger
In your love
You almost took my life

I'm left feeling terrified
In my hatred for all of it
Yet the walking bass line
That I love so much
I can't even hear it
Without a sense of longing

It was all too heavy