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 Dec 2014 J
Pdub
Blinded (8w)
 Dec 2014 J
Pdub
We're blissfully blind
to everything
but our heartbeats.
For you.
 Nov 2014 J
Chance
Mud
 Nov 2014 J
Chance
Mud
Make my heart your home
Come in and lie with me
I don't care what mud you've been drug through
You don't even have to wipe your feet
 Oct 2014 J
Argentina Rose
This house made of brick and stone,
glass and wood,
now crumbles to the earth beneath me.
But this house was empty
long before it was gone.

The people inside,
the people
the people
the monsters,

They ripped open their lungs
and filled themselves with smoke.
They  ripped open their veins
and filled themselves with poison.
They grew sickly and cold
with black, sunken eyes.
They starved themselves to the bone
until that was all they were.
Feet shuffled against dark-stained hardwood floors,
yet they never touched the ground.

Ghosts.
Ghosts who couldn't sleep,
for the darkness was no longer home.
Ghosts who couldn't breathe,
for all they inhaled was smoke.
Ghosts who screamed.
Ghosts who cried.
Ghosts who never made a sound.

Holding on until fingers grew limp.
This house was empty
long before it was gone.
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Paragon
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
If my life were a movie
It'd be the one where the hero didn't win
If the hero is even a hero at all
Everything I've ever done wrong etched into my memory before i take the final fall
My soul no longer cries out
My mind has done a good job of sewing it's mouth shut
I'm too much of a coward to end it all
Through my head the thoughts will continue to crawl
They've planted a tree
As far as they could deep down inside of me
Its roots in my feet
Its branches grow twisted within me as i sleep
Cut me down
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Mirrors
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Its hard to think about numbness taking away huge chunks of me as a person
It keeps eating away at parts of my internal wiring until there's nothing but bare metal
Depression has somehow become a trend
Id gladly trade places with any of you to feel again
Please
Take this plague from my body
Take the weights off of my soul
I am losing control
I truly ache for anyone who can truly relate to this indifferent identity
I wouldn't wish this sickness upon my worse enemy
My mind screams so loud i expect every last ******* entity on this earth to hear it
Death to anyone who opposes my spirit
Even if its myself
I am past the point of help
My malfunctioned parts collect dust on a shelf
Self inflicted surgery at the time seemed to be the only way to ensure my health
There are pictures hanging everywhere of my body with the face cut out
I find no solace in how i look now
I've broken every mirror in my house
21 years of bad luck no reason to stop now
Encase me in cement and break me across the ground
So i can taste the dirt and get kicked around
One last time
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Knives
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
I sleep on a bed of nails
Every day when i get up i stick the sharp objects right into my back even though they were left by everyone else
All different shapes and sizes
Finger prints on the handles as well
Very individual characteristics of the weapons themselves
Alternate methods i can still feel the pain of being impaled
Most people tear the blades out throw them to the ground
Not me
They're the only thing still connected to the memories of what its like to feel
I refuse to let these wounds heal
Being in contact with trustworthy souls becomes surreal
One day I'm sure I'll come to terms with what's actually real
Until then I'm content with bleeding day in and day out
Just to get that sliver of compassion to seek out and nurture my spirit while i lay completely still
someday ill be able to sheath all this metal and continue on with my journey
Right now my hope is my attorney and his case is very weak
Someday I'll remember what its like to be strong
Then I'll strive harder then ever before
The key to unlock this door is buried deep inside my heart
Which is heavily guarded by my mind
I'm running out of time
There's still a part of me that doesn't want to die
I'll keep bringing him supplies so maybe he can fly
Little by little
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Annual
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
The internal clock winds down another year
Time keeps going by faster i fear
How much longer am i supposed to be here
That's not up for me to decide
Or is it
Who knows anymore
Certainly not me
Counted my birthdays on five year intervals with my fingers and toes
I've ran out
Twenty one years old still so very concerned with what life is about
I'm wasting time
Or am i
Who knows anymore
Am i still in my youth
What little youth i had
You tend to grow up very fast when self loathing thoughts are all you've ever had
Praying to a god to relieve you of always being so sad
Relative to everything that's happened in the past
I cannot release this hot burning coal
Its not as simple as letting things go
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Muse
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Is there love out there for someone like me?
As cliche as a small excerpt like this might be
I can't help but wonder
Will there ever be someone who sees me like lightening and my voice like thunder
Following you around like your own personal little cloud of rain
A muse who understands my pain
Its not easy to believe in someone
This i know
For my past endeavors have told me so
I often fantasize about it
What its like for someone to know my demons in and out
Its a double edged sword
It has to be
For another human to understand
They'd have to be as crazy as me
I want to connect on a level where our fingertips create small worlds
And our bodies create galaxies
Just by simply touching

And then there's nothing
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Ascend
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Death has made a quiet little cozy home in my head
Sometimes I creep into bed with it
And watch it sleep
Wondering when it will caress my cheek
Begging not to take anything else but me
And so if it decided to return
Id go willingly
I'll float through time and space
Watching everything happen at a speed of light pace
Hopefully my loved ones move on and forget
They don't deserve any type of fear or regret
Ascending through the ozone and into sun



Where do i go from here
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
Muse II
 Oct 2014 J
Chance
We don't even know eachother but your name echoes through my head

Like a solemn comforting whisper while i lay awake at four am in bed

I hope our paths cross eternally
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