I saw your beauty,
majesty
I was beside myself
with the deepest envy...
I wanted
the light that shined with you
the life that shook them with laughter...
And I found...some of it

Long sacred
It now is unguarded
A sacred discarding
With allies now caving
I ask in this world
Is our nation worth saving?

Another day
Another try
Another failure
My heart is dead

In silence,
I suffer
through a painful kind of violence

I opened up so you could see
a broken piece of my humanity

should i sob?
my attempts are not working
i tried to find jobs
and should i keep searching?
what i do on this earth
never seem to be working
as day after week,  my depression, it worsens.
there are things that i dream
that I long to be free of
i try as
the blade
reaches deeper and deep in

I loved you with a thousand words
your photo was enchanting
I wish my love returned to me
to free my soul from panting

When I lay in my sheets
Still searching for sleep
I'm confronted
a fight from the gaping the deep
succumb to seduction, both tasty and cheap?
will I fall?
will my sleep still be shameless and sweet?

am I
sitting in a corner twiddling my thumbs
as they are
moving and shaking and getting things done?

I trusted you
If anyone else did what you do
Not only would I erase them from my view
I'd undo any knot that tied us too
I gave you eons of loyalty
but I don't love you
not like I used to
I trusted you
not knowing the voodoo you'd do

That magic that enchants you in another
is not specific to the others

i sent applications
flooded your mailbox with prayers
would you accept me?
i would've jumped through any hoop
i've always wanted to be a gymnast
but my performance was never good enough
so, tired,
i knocked on the door
and you opened it,
just because you liked me

The leaves flew away when the cold wind blew
I wasn't entertaining enough.
The branches seemed okay,
We walked as we talked
And we lived.
I thought we had something...
I went out on a limb and they snapped.
The cold wind blew
And before I knew
What was left to grasp?
Was anything sturdy?
And then came the root.
But by then I could not trust
Even what I knew to be true
I met You..
As the (cold) wind blew

though for years I have tried to be kind
even nice
my tears have been frozen
my blood is like ice
its too late for the words
wish you'd long ago said
the part of me that they'd appealed to is dead

From one art and yet to another I've drifted
My mind has completely entirely shifted
but maybe to something that's not in my gifting

I trusted you
I should have trusted what I knew
things don't get better
they never do
never have before
why have hope anymore?

Those who in past years,
I revered
left me in tears
were
more cruel
than I'd have ever imagined..
I lost respect (for them)
the way a dying person loses blood..

I understand your taste for meat
But is your thirst for blood so cheap?
Your hunt so deep?
Your drop so steep?
So absent is your love for me?
You'd feast on your own family?

why am I burned to the stake
for each misstep and mistake..?
this is something I just cannot take

how religious can i be?
when you've ******* up my life
to such a degree

from the faint
i remember the way that you walked
and my mind oft repeats how it thinks you would talk
but still..
though I see other faces
it's  you that i stalk

Rushing,
feverishly flipping
through the empty folders of my mind
I search for that memory
that never happened

my eyes x-rayed you as a stranger
as you were one
I knew I should give you a chance
But my heart refused to budge

I wasted so much time on you
the way I idolized
it's  true
and now,
I actually
kind of regret you

So disconnected
how I feel
nothing I loved was ever real

I'm not surprised
not disappointed.
though at the time the knife felt pointed
temporarily
but it taught me
if I love, do it responsibly

I'm so much more
than what they see
who judge
based on the little
that they think they know
of me.

dearly departed,
this is a word from the brokenhearted.
you slipped away
as was your right
but the ghost you left behind
still lingers in my mind..

you haven't lived my life
and you certainly haven't died my death
so
I can't take your judgment seriously
not me

understand me
see..
the curve of my cheekbones underskin
the relax of my shoulders
as I exhale and..
I don't ask for perfection.
but try..

anxious,
i shifted my weight
from foot to foot.
worried that
a mistake on my part
could cost the piece of your heart,
that I never had.
i should have realized
that love is unconditional..
or at least
less conditional than that.

I can still feel your eyes
Disregard my defenses
I wondered how much you could see
How far to the inside of me
You were innocent, but deep.
...Sacred

It can be cold
Ice cold.
Like snow.
So its hard not to trust the warmth
That some handshakes exude
But the cold that ensues,
can..
Freeze your inner organs solid