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insomniatrical Feb 2019
It is a cold November morning,
Dew on the grass and a cool blue light in the sky.
There are bunched wet leaves on the ground and
There is fog in the air as his car idles on the street.
The exhaust breathes a light cloud around it,
Faded and cracked paint adorning its surface.

He kills the engine and steps out, the cool air hitting his face as dawn begins to crawl forward. Up the walk to the front door, he knows she will be there. The front door is still locked, but he knows where the spare key is and retrieves it. As the cuts slide past the strike plate and into the cylinder, the lock clicks and releases, letting him inside.
He slips through the crack, careful to keep the door from creaking.

He sees her on the couch, the television playing late night ads. She snores softly. The cat snuggled in her arms purrs, and raises its eyes at him. The animal has awaited his return.

"Come, thing," he softly coos, and removes the feline, setting it aside to follow him in a few seconds.

She still lays on the couch, sound and secure in her reverie. She's carried into the bedroom in the comfort of his arms, and laid under burgundy sheets as the birds begin to sing their songs. He covers her and then settles himself onto the edge of the bed, waiting for her to wake, but careful not to rouse her from her sleep.

A few hours pass, and although he is tired, he stays awake to see her eyes open. Morning light comes in through the windows and the clock on her nightstand reads 8:23 in bright green numbers.

Finally, she stirs. She breathes out heavily and stretches like a cat, her toes extending beyond the blankets around her. Her eyes slowly open and close, like fluttering butterfly's wings. She turns over to her side, and sees him patiently waiting on the bed. Her eyes widen with happiness and surprise, and then the happiness fades. It is replaced with doubt.

She reaches out, slowly, to touch him, her hand shaking. Her lip begins to quiver and tremble.

"Are you real?"

He takes her hand in his own and kisses across her knuckles, making sure that their eyes meet.

"I am real, darling."
Originally started Feb 22, 2018
insomniatrical Feb 2019
I'm not sure how we ended up this far
From what we wanted to be
We used to aim for the stars
It's so crazy
To let the one you hold dear
Tell you the biggest lies
Become your biggest fear
We used to dream of a life
Where we would be alright
But that's all gone now
You had your head in the clouds
Now you got both feet on the ground
And I'm scared that your mind is working against you
I can't keep hold of you
You're gone, you're lost, there's no trust
In what we once had
Was it only lust?
I feel you slipping away
Day after day
You say that you'll never leave, that you'll always stay
You'll always be there until the very end
But those are only words
You break when you bend
You're so easy to manipulate
With the drugs and the girls
I thought it was our fate,
To go against the world
To prove them wrong
To put up a fight
But you're stuck now
Locked up another night
Another scream coming from my closed mouth
You call me when you're in, but never when you're out
You say that we can be friends
But it hurts too much
Is this really the end?
I need to feel your touch
But I can't
I'm in a trance
I need to run away
As far, as fast, as I can get in a day
Or two
However long it takes
To be free from you
And all of the lies,
All of the mistakes
That I made
When I gave up and gave in
To every excuse that you made up
I wanna be rid of you now
I'll say it loud
That I'm so glad, after all this time
Of me and you and you and me
I can finally see
Where I ****** up
You're no good for me
I took so long
But now I'm moving on
I don't need the lies,
The ties
To you
That kept me up all night
Just crying
In the dark
I wanted to save any spark
We had,
You mad?
You were always making me sad
You know
That we can add
All the times you did something bad
But I stuck around thinkin we'd make it through,
Looking back now
If I only knew
That it was never us,
It was only you
It was you who went to jail
It was you who needed bail
It was you who told tall tales
We always knew this love would fail
It would fall into a hole
This was the coffin's final nail
We never had a solid goal
Because your plans are always changing,
They're ranging
From like to love to lust
You're always breaking my trust
But I think that it's high time
I got the ***** to say goodbye
We'll never be "us" again
Since you wanna be "just friends"
'i gave my life to you but i wanna be through'
This is an idea that I had a while ago... What if I finally was through?
What if I really did walk away?
insomniatrical Feb 2019
When in eight days
My body is my own
And I will be consumed by fire.
Smoke is curling in the air
And burning with desire.
Demons chase but stop at the porch
When I turn the latch on the door
Of this house,
This hole-in-the-wall place that I call home.
The place where I am never alone.
The place where you are
In the late of night
Listening to music
Are you alright?
We are nailed,
We are glued,
You're stuck to me, I'm stuck to you.
I shall be my own
My free
And you will be beside me
When I almost scream
Because there's a needle under my skin
And there's blood on the sheets
That you just washed but you swear it's okay
Because that's what you do for someone you love
Don't give up on me
Don't give up on us.
insomniatrical Dec 2018
Every time I see you
I want to cry.
I want to scream and yell
And I want you to die.
The things that you did
The things that you said,
They only fuel my fire.
Every time I come over
Every time I say I'm fine
I wish you'd just die.
Why can't you just die?
I was five, I was six, I was seven.
I blocked you out until I was eleven.
You took my childhood
You took it all.
And all the therapy sessions
That I have attended
They didn't help me at all.
I was too young;
I had no idea
But then I grew older
And soon that idea
Came to the front of my mind
And I knew that what happened,
That wasn't alright
It wasn't a lie
It deserved all my crying
And for years whenever I saw you,
I wished that I was dying.
But now I can see
What it really did to me
I cried but it's alright
Because now I can look at you
With hatred in my eyes
Not for myself, it wasn't my fault.
But for the monster before me,
Oxygen tank and all.
insomniatrical Dec 2018
I thought I knew what it was like to love you.
I had no idea that it would be a back and forth chase of happiness and anger.
I didn't know I would be upset as much as I am content.
I wish I knew how much fun it would be, and how much pain it would cause.
I wish I would have known that you would be the best worst thing to walk into my life.
I thought it would be easy and then I tried to justify how hard it was.
I know the pain is worth it.
I know the cold gets warmer.
I know my eyes will adjust to the darkness.
I know that you are a permanence to me,
And for you, my love, I am everything.
insomniatrical Dec 2018
I see her,
Sitting there with him
Sitting there with anyone
And I see
That she gets to be
Happy and loved
And she gets to have
Someone who's there
Someone to kiss
Someone to call
Someone to hold
She gets to love
Someone who speaks
And drives
And laughs
And cries
And someone who's always around
Never in jail
Never on drugs
Never suicidal
I get so jealous that she has love
That burns fiercely.
And although it doesn't last long,
I can only dream of experiencing that passion.
insomniatrical Dec 2018
So there we were, stuck in time
Countless days and countless nights
We feel how we feel,
We can't deny
That this is what it is
It's what it's going to be
You're leaving me for a while
But I'm not gonna cry
I'm gonna hold on and wait for you
And smile when you come back to me
Smile when you walk through those doors
When you stand taller
When you smile bigger
When you laugh louder
I will be there,
Arms open waiting for you to come home.
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