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Feb 2023 · 117
You Don't
Penne Feb 2023
You don't need to tell them
That a ***** fell on the floor
Tell them to listen some music
To cover all the noise

You hold a cigarette at hand, you're a criminal
You hold a cigarette at hand, you're against society
You hold a cigarette at hand, you look like a poor darling
Better be cryptic than normal

Why the hotline isn't even free
And why is it only an hour long

The laws of the calling of nature are not helping

You and I use a lot of that
You can tell that I'm not validated as a child
If only I can kick a person's leg, then they won't show the bible to me
If only I can make a person throw up without seeing me
If only I can make a person feed their hand to the fire and burn there to see how it feels

How much of this is oversharing? How much of this is artistic?

I know not everything's my fault
Yet I feel bad I feel bad
when people apologize
The next fight or flight second move is to gaslight me
Trying to glue all the chinks together
Then wait for an hour for a jar to grow

I eat a sandwich of truffles
I don't think they're truffles at all
If only I can eat a paper of daycare rules just like I ate that sandwich
Did you know that sandwich I ate wasn't mine but yours?
Truffles I digest but don't remember how it taste
Meanwhile, a beggar jumps in joy for a dollar

I tried painting the Venus goddess herself once
It turns out that's the girl from The Ring
If she was only as pretty as the eyeliner of hot topic wednesday
We all know that old men love youthful wednesdays that dance dance on their lap until they die

Self-awareness isn't enough
A spoonful of sugar isn't enough
When you have checklists
When you have contests
When you whiten your teeth with coal
When you have a devil that wears prada
It's an illness, not a personality

You don't have to suffer
But this is my suffering

Just to hear a good tone, I'm baffled someone can play a guitar
Meanwhile, I can't manage my own emotions

There is no perfect decision.

But no one would believe in that guru's book of improvement
Only the end product
before I fake laugh.

Once in a while can I mosh pit singing the lyrics to my own concert?
Jan 2023 · 117
sea scales for melatonin
Penne Jan 2023
trauma whispers for a bomb
need something to replace
to break

do you dream of a funnier life
well sorry not sorry, all you have is me

all I see is a punching bag
all I see is a punching bag

**** it to hell
the angels don't know what they're grieving

easy release

do you count for it to come back
or you just wait

staring at me with those eyes!
i can't compare you

yet all i just wanna do is compel

choking the piano won't get me to your world

it's easy it's easy it's easy

planetariums can't be filled with carbon copies

and a moral interitus that purges and eats while it can

this city is drowned for who it is

did you dance for a chapter one
when all you get in the end is a plot twist that you don't understand
Oct 2022 · 1.1k
Wala nang Magpapantay
Penne Oct 2022
Kung di kaya tayo nagkita,
Paano ko mahahanap ang lihim na palasyo ng saya?

Ang alam ko lang musika noon ay namamatay na sigaw galing sa milyong-milyong bangin

Kuntento na sana ako malunod doon
Paulit-ulit...

Hanggang narinig ko ang boses mo na hinalik nang payapa ng isang mitikal na kagubatan sa gitna ng gabi

Hinaluan pa ng bagyo ng  rebelyon at init na tamang-tama sa akin

Nakaka-excite ka...

Hinahanap ang iyong tunog sa kahit anong anyo
Sa kahit saang lugar

Naaaliw sa iyong misteryo
Bakit kasi rin ang angas mo noong sa munting sandalian na nag-usap tayo?

Planado ko na ipantay ang ihip ng hangin sa direksiyon mo
Ang tanglaw ng tadhana  
Naaabot ko na

I-ikaw din pala?
Gusto mo ipantay ang direksiyon
Hindi pala ako nag-iisa...

Hindi na tayo mag-isa.

Nabunyag ko pa na may tamis na tago sa iyong pigura
Di na kita mabura
Paano ka burahin...
Paano ka ba buburahin?!

Hanggang naintindihan ko na  wala nang magpapantay

Hinawakan ka na
Paulit-ulit
Inuulit sa kamay
Sa labi
Sa isip  

Napabangungot noong isang gabi na maghiwalay
Luha naman ang nahalay
Wala man "silang" gusto sa ideya natin
Mahihimatay na lang sa tamlay
Ng mga nagtatalampasang emosyon nila na walang malay
Hahawakan ka hanggang di hulihin
Hahalikan ka kahit babagyuhin
Walang kahulugan ang pagpigil ng damdamin

Unang-una ko itong pag-iibigan
Akala ko hindi ko maiiwasan ang kasaysayan ng dugo ko na puro sa maling tao napunta ang pagmamahalan
Akala ko wala nang mag-aalaga sa sirang tao na katulad ko
Napaka-haba ng iyong pasensya
Kasi ako wala na talagang pasensya sa sarili ko
Ang presko nang may nagtatanggap sa aking konsensiya
Na walang kapalit na hinihintay
Na walang sampal na hinihintay

Dami dami mo nang ginagawa pero
Wala ka talagang kailangan gawin
Para pasayahin ako
Mamasdan ka lang
Kasi hindi kita papakawalan

Pumantay ang linya
Pumantay ang oras
Pumantay ang agos
Pumantay ang dagat

Sa iyo na ako lulunod  magpakailanman

Sa bilang ng isa,

Dalawa,

Tatlo.
Jun 2021 · 115
El Bestia Mosaico
Penne Jun 2021
The sound of the skeleton flower's petal was heard.
Time to go home.
Dripping from the roof is the moisture for the family and animals for 1 whole day.

The sheep filed through the cottonwood gate.
The aardvarks came next, tiptoeing on the birds' isle and then proceed to float on the eye of the lake.

Hot crackling popped from the bird seeds and savaged corn cobs.
All trees and webs lost their sway to give breath to the farmer's daughter.

The miracle of the picturesque was all stolen by her.

The hair is unmatched with nature's colors.
Her rough, sticky, lavender gray curls.
Love is the black ants gathering for the flan, leaf-shaped.
She dips the lark in a pool of beet juice.
Glazed the firewood with snaps of her belting notes and wiped with trots of chameleon.
And the whole world glowed.

One time, the farm girl had too much fun  
But does not know what day it is Neither the sun blinks
So hey, why not start expanding this farm?
Instead of an animal kingdom, a planetarium is forged.

He whispered, "I'm soft as a cloud."
He caressed, "I can give you everything."
He slashed, "I promise."
She knew. But, it was her ambition to have no ambitions.

The baby sheep were sleeping next door.
They were crying.
They were always crying.
Sometimes she wished they had less rights.
But the cries meant something else.

"Baby, why do you keep dying? Just walk already. I wish you were already 25 so you can feel alone."
Sundials were Sunday oranges to drink
Melting, melting, melting it until confessions became concessions.

Obsessed on breaking a patch of grass to look at her reflection. That is her only way to have a reflection.
Comb the grass up if she felt hazy.
Comb the grass down if she has the urge to joust.
Comb the grass everywhere to just forget every minute.

The figs were sagging and darkening. Yet, it was no tither season.

She wondered, "Is there even a  mosquito that likes me? I always ride a horse soaked in paint and has eyes of a distant phone light."

One night, she boiled the fur and then baked some cake.
It was the time to brave the punch.
Nobody was going to take away her hunch!
She heard a poke and an acne groan.
No, to eden! To eden! To eden!
When she opened the main door, the scent of ice shaved her mien.

"This will just make me look hideous,"she thought.

"I'm not a cycle!"

She closed the door. Now, she was afraid to leave and to stay.

Rather mourn as a ringtone and lie as a jester.

No one believed her.
Just because she did not told the story well.
Penne Jun 2021
Whenever you read Dahl, it feels like you're entering and after a few minutes, find yourself dancing in a pretty field. And then, he plants bombs out of nowhere but you don't always know where they were or where they began because they are in a shape and feel of a strawberry.

(Only ways to reassure your experience are you return to the already bombed field and retrace, eat the strawberries and then ***** or binge, and/or leave in shocking cold silence or in idle confusion.)
Penne May 2021
What do you drink to get the purple out of my tongue? What do you take to forget? The picture
of white lady on the mirror chanting ****** mary. The video of being spanked. The layout of the patterns. It is all made into a trail. Wishing to cloak, I thought it worked but it was only a blanket. The blinking lights of the window.  It manages to ***** me and remind me of competition in traffic. The list. Lists. Numbered. Keep scrolling. Will it affect my life?

Needing to fit the box of a ten-year old, I sleep. Then, I post. That was not myself. How did this whole page about me belongs to someone else? I never drift before. Why, I wonder. Here comes the businesses. The banquets. Watching a flute get Tarzan'd by a piece of rope hanged across the room. Out of the blue, I found myself touring with a foreigner. What does he want from me? Is it wrong to think this way? He only asked me where I live and how I am. I stop. I feel the chills burning through my hands to fingers. The bones get cold, but do not when plugged by nerves.

I-I'm addicted? I need to sleep more. It's healthy, they say. It's fun.


When was the last time I had fun?


The more I see the light, the more I hate it. I bring the shutters down. Relaxing. Freeing. Pink flower keep falling. Peach flower keep shimmering. How come I never thought of it before? Now back to sleep. Wait, I can't sleep anymore. But everything's so festive. Are the photos not alive? But they frequently chatter. To me. And you---no me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Branded into these pixels of prizes and sporks full of dramatic dressings. What is meaning again? I kick the blanket out of the bed. I threw my pillows on the other side. It's hot. Everything's so hot. My air conditoner is on max---what's happening?? No, sleep!

It does not take long for me to gasp for air. I keep denying it but it is always in the back of my mind.

The only answer is to get out.

I try by slowly lifting my legs and down to the floor. Do I really? Now? This is the only answer. I repeat thrice. I'm getting old.

A wind caresses my cheek. I forgot I was even in a house.

Dream's over.
🏙🏙🌃🌃   This is what I felt in the early years of using social media. It is like a constant depersonalization and derealization.
Mar 2021 · 96
Calculator on the Pier
Penne Mar 2021
What rhymes with the opthalmologist's light?
Soothe the sand with your new shampoo
Starfish boosted paragraphs
Or starfish-looking eyes?
Melon wax building up on the corn's wall
Man, how do they season the bee's lens?
How do you feel about dominoes  cracking?

How many times to trip on belt powder?
Why did the kid asked "Why do motorcycles circle around while we can't?"

Segue to segregate the segways in the sky basket
Hearing the boy once more,
"I will make you shiny!"
The aunt told him, "I will bake you apple pie."

What if the queen ant had  feelings?
A sub-species requesting a leverage from the higher up
Uplift the spirits
Listening really is the answer?
Explain again how a small hut can fold a bloodstained ring
Careful, there is only one plane
They say don't wiggle it for fun
Wait, hold on
Will you attach the baby meerkat  on the GIF maker's father?

Do you want to be a song title?
Maybe dream more
I would not have this job

Farewell,
Santa Claus
Feb 2021 · 91
Marker
Penne Feb 2021
Don't don't don't release the cap
Cap threatened with triviality
Blame the dog next to you
Free of decisions and confidence--the face that is
Sitting on the chair made of medals
Traumatic in the sense of reflecting the mirror on the wrong shadow of the lamppost
Weighing the child's drawings and ancestors
Which one is more equal?
The brittleness of the smell
Keep sniffing to keep on lingering
You really know how life support works
Put it on them after you show your ***** harpoons
And then got cold, left them behind on overdose
That will catch on to dust

How to understand respect between?
Factually, no man is an island
Are we that imperfect?
We never realised perfection is the only value in your equation
Perfection is the only key to these rusted locks
Perfection is it...?
The thing is...you are not the only one who, at the core, is made up of an ant colony's bites
We all are!
Piling and sorting the nostalgia and blasting it on a broken vinyl

With all that, the island might be sweet and savory
A few touches here and there and will be fine
It is an option since you are an ever-growing wetlands
Must be good to emulate your manipulate?

Is your war even civil?
No, because you only remember THAT part of the history wrapped as a legend for you to chug on
Stripping Bible verses will not help you
Constructive criticism and hatred is different
You throw grenades
That is your only personality
Then say, "I never meant something ill."
Trillion times
Stitch it. If you keep screaming it, your throat will not be the only thing that is absent in the jacket.

Will the party on the 88th floor stop for a minute?!
When will all these floors crash down since that might be the only way out of this stable building?
We can handle this handlebar of a person
DO NOT COPY THE CARBON COPIES FROM #16788003 AEDEN BOX.
What are them?
It does not matter whose garden  it is
You will keep picking the flowers
It is not mowing anyone's
You just think it is. You are not even on the grass.

Worry is the distance of the hectares and tomorrowland of your ancestors'
Burden is the fire that burnt it all down
Can it still be resurrected?
Arson is affront, but it will just spread again
Is there some bouquet spray to wander around with?
Time is multiplicity
The fire must be imaginary or dying inside with you.

The hypocrisy is not functional anymore
Vulnerability is not an aesthetic
You nod but why everything falling out is off?
Yeah, it is our fault that your medals are just counted
WE ARE JUST GONNA ACCEPT IT.
Punching the windows will forever be our therapy center
As long as you enter
Jan 2021 · 900
Bilisan
Penne Jan 2021
Ano 'tong haluan?
Bigla rin ako napasuka
Akala ko ako na ang utak
Pwede ako magbawi, pero ikaw hindi
Yan ang batas, di ba?
Patas ang batas
Ng patintero
Lamunin ang mga numero
Parang wala silang ****
'Pag nag-iisa daw, masama kaagad

Ang bilis umakyat ng ministro pero walang dalang impormasyon
Lagyan ng sablay ang tibok
Sakit na dala ng kinalalamnan ng araw
Sa sunod ng sunod sa malarong pisngi at ang kulay nito

Pinapasa-pasa nila
Wala daw sabaw
Kaya ko iniba ang presyo
Kahit hindi mahanap ang totoo
Nilalayo ang inspeksyon

Ingay ng "Happy Birthday"
Siyamnapung beses sa kabilang bahay

Paikot-ikot sa steering wheel
Ng milyong dolyar, walang down payment na sasakyan komersyal
Iyon ang benepisyo ng mga itik  sa latik
Wala naman talagang may gugusto na lumabas sa parisukat
Kasi iyon lang ang tirahan nila
Kahit ang halaman ay tigok

Ano ba talaga gustong mangyari?
Hindi iisa ang kasiyahan
Nasaan ba siya?
Kamatayan ang hintayan
Hindi pa rin matulungan ang nahihirapan
Hindi na ako komportable sa ilawan
Jan 2021 · 87
Dying Seven Moon-Eater
Penne Jan 2021
What cosplay are you up to now?
Will you realise that words can be long letters?
Can be julliened and drank straight from
When you sit
You're such an earthquake that you even made the food silent, the chairs Meditarennean, the legs run from an Escobar mansion
Alien mask buried in a telescope
Another one to delete in the video folders
Have you ever seen a concert audience watched another audience then corrected them the next same guys' concert in disguise?
Now you're contemplating on someone else's office desk with blood-soaked eyes

Ice cream and apple pie for my cries
The sunlight fighting with your tall shelf
Jan 2021 · 76
A DEBUTANTE DREAM
Penne Jan 2021
I know what I want
Give me the nostalgic vibe
Filter me with finest nineties
Dress me up with antisocial silk
I'm not sad but I'm incomprehensible
No, no inside jokes
Literal does not translate well in fictional
So it's fine if I told you we're all

Oh, indieee pendant , you won't see if I try so hard or dont at all
Respect me respect me respect me
I hold to a label but I might cry if they drop me
Turn up the B-side for breakup lovers
Don't blast the volume for the back seaters
They deserved not to be preachers
Don't patronise with patriots excessively
Indieee pendant; don't fool me
Sometimes I am the celebrity even I hate the vanity
Yet can I escape society?
I would rather think and think
Than die
Than lie
Than love
Shoes taste like Montgomery's sansrival
I feel heaven than knowing Gah ah ah
Joke of the evening!
Funny to offend a ventriloquist inside a Polaroid shot in a necrophile's journal
Observe your references
You said no more walls, why more fences?
Whose fetish it is to hear breaths on mics?  
Pop more ankles, my grace!
Life, I won't shut my mouth about it
Even though I'm only in my forties
But you're such an ending to the latest, boy-becomes-scary girl film

So I won't stop
Even this is all they shop
Max out the curtains and stray, moth patterns

Am I always the right one?
Since I can parody everyone?

Am I always the right one?
I can parody everyone

Oh, for attires just crop tops and some coral-shaped hats
Being serenaded in a toddler's treehouse much?

Hospitalize me
My heart: is it red or blue?
Is it?
All I say is just an excuse
I am nothing but a recluse
But why did you keep opening the shoot
Since honesty is not your Majesty
What am I supposed to do then?
No, I'm not gonna listen

Get out! Get out! I don't like you!
Take the goodies they're 100% organic
Sugar is an illusion, so nothing is not good for you!

I just want a spot
Even if it flails!
I just wanna wear those shades of velvet and 2050

Memorise this and I will bash you back

And the winner is

Eugh ahem ahem

Cor---
Apr 2020 · 154
.. / ... .- .. -..
Penne Apr 2020
.-- .... .- - / .. ..-. / - .... . .-. . / .-- . .-. . / -. --- / .-- --- .-. -.. ... ..--.. / .-- --- .-. -.. ... / -.-. .- -. / -... . / .-- --- .-. - .... .-.. . ... ... --..-- / ..- ... . .-.. . ... ... / --- .-. / .--. --- .-- . .-. ..-. ..- .-.. / . -..- .. ... - . -. -.-. . / --- ..-. / .- -. -.-- - .... .. -. --. / -.-. .- -. / .... ..- .-. - / ... --- -- . --- -. . / .-- .... .- - / .. ..-. / .-- . / -.-. .- -. .----. - / -.-. --- -- -- ..- -. .. -.-. .- - . ..--.. / .. / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / -.. --- -. .----. - / -- . .- -. / .- -. -.-- - .... .. -. --. / - --- / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .... -.-- / -.. --- . ... / .. - / --- -. .-.. -.-- / .... .- ...- . / - --- / -... . / --- -. . / .--. . .-. ... --- -. / - .... .- - / .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... / ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. ... / .-- .... -.-- / -. --- - / .- .-.. .-.. / --- ..-. / ..- ... ..--.. / -.-. .- -. / -.-- --- ..- / .-.. .. ...- . / .-- .. - .... --- ..- - / - . .-.. .-.. .. -. --. / .- -. -.-- - .... .. -. --. ..--.. / .-- .... -.-- / -- ..- ... - / .. / .- ...- --- .. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .. - .... / .- -. -.. / .. -. / - .... . ... . / ...- .- .-. .. . - -.-- / --- ..-. / .-.. .- -. --. ..- .- --. . / -... .- .-. .-. .. . .-. ... / -.-. --- -.. . ... --..-- / - . -..- - ... / --..-- / .. -- .- --. . ... --..-- / ... .. --. -. ... --..-- / .... .. . .-. --- --. .-.. -.-- .--. .... .. -.-. ... / --..-- / ...- --- .. -.-. . ... / --..-- / -.- .- - .- -.- .- -. .- ... --..-- / .- -- . .-. .. -.-. .- -. --- ... --..-- / .... . -..- .- -.. . -.-. .. -- .- .-.. ... / .-- .... -.-- / -- .- -.- .. -. --. / -- --- .-. . ..--.. / .. ... / - .... .. ... / .- -.. ...- .- -. -.-. . -- . -. - / --- .-. / .-. . -.-. .-.. ..- ... .. --- -. ..--.. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .-.. . - - . .-. ... / ... .... .. -. . / .. -. / - . .- .-. ... --..-- / -... .-.. --- --- -.. --..-- / ... .-- . .- - --..-- / .. -. -.- --..-- / .-.. .. --. .... - --..-- / ..-. .-. . . -.. --- -- --..-- / .. -. - . .-.. .-.. . -.-. - --..-- / -.. . .--. .-. . ... ... .. --- -. --..-- / .--- --- -.-- --..-- / ..-. . .- .-. --..-- / .- -. --. . .-. --..-- .-.. ..- ... - --..-- / .-.. --- -. . .-.. .. -. . ... ... --..-- / .-- --- .-. - .... .-.. . ... ... -. . ... ... --..-- / .... -.-- .--. --- -.-. .-. .. ... -.-- / -.-- . - / - --- / -... . / . .-. .- ... . -.. / -... -.-- / -. .- - ..- .-. . / --- .-. / - .. -- . / .. / ...- .- .-.. ..- . / .. -. -.. .. ...- .. -.. ..- .- .-.. .. ... -- / -... ..- - / .-- .... -.-- / -.-. .- -. .----. - / .. / .. -. / -.-. --- .-.. .-.. . -.-. - .. ...- .. ... -- / ... .. -. -.-. . / - .... . / --- -. .-.. -.-- / - .... .. -. --. / .-- . / .... .- ...- . / .. -. / -.-. --- -- -- --- -. / .. ... / -... . .. -. --. / .- / .... ..- -- .- -. / - .... . / .-. . ... - / .. ... / .- / -.-. --- -- .--. .-.. . -..- / -.-. --- -. ...- . -.-- .. -. --. / .-- .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .- -. - / .- -. -.. / -. . . -.. / -. --- - / . -..- .. ... - .. -. --. / . ...- . .-. -.-- - .... .. -. --. / .. ... / .. -. / -- ..- - . / .- -. -.. / ... --- / .- .-.. .-.. / --- ..-. / ..- -. .. ...- . .-. ... . ... .----. / - --- -. --. ..- . / - .... . / ... .. .-.. . -. -.-. . / ... . . .--. ... / .-.. .. -.- . / .- / .-. .. ...- . .-. / --- -. / .- / .-. --- --- ..-. / .. / ..-. . . .-.. / .. - .----. ... / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / -... . / -... . .- ..- - .. ..-. ..- .-.. / --- .-. / .. ... / .. - ..--.. / .- / .-- .... --- .-.. . / -. . .-- / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. / .... --- .-- / .... --- .-- / -.-. .- -. / -.-- --- ..- / . ...- . -. / .. -- .- --. .. -. . ..--.. / .-- .... -.-- / .- -- / .. / -. --- - / .. -- .- --. .. -. .. -. --. ..--.. / -... . -.-. .- ..- ... . / ... --- -- . .... --- .-- --..-- - .... . -.-- / ... - .. .-.. .-.. / .-- .- -. - / - --- / -.-. --- -- -- ..- -. .. -.-. .- - . / - .... . -.-- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / ..-. .. -. -.. / .-- .- -.-- ... / ..-. --- .-. / .. - / - --- / . -..- .. ... - / .- --. .- .. -. / .-.. .. -.- . --..-- /   / . ...- . .-. -.-- - .... .. -. --. / . ...- . -. / .. -- -- --- .-. .- .-.. .. - -.-- / .. ... / ..-. .-. . . / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / . ...- . -. / - .... . .-. . ..--.. / .. ... / -.-. --- -. - .-. --- .-.. / . ...- . -. / - .... . .-. . ..--..
Penne Apr 2020
Jumping
Jumping
Jumping

We're not testing the waters
Finding for that deep, deep hole
And hope to never come back again

Don't shout at me!
Your particles
Yes, you and I hate it
But they're too passionate
To realize

Whenever I see you, all I can see is our futureless future

A puzzle for you is different from mine
Honey, you will glow without me
Please believe me

Why did you even like me?
Oh why why why

I'm sorry
But I know this won't do
But have some patience too (Ooh)

I might be insane
I might be insane

But all I want is to throw a grenade
And be floored in your hall of shade

Yet you will never fully understand a person
We are all heavily lip tinted

Why were you lit up first in the cover?
My hypocrisie is dripping and melting
Ironie
Ironie du destin!

Why did we start and crave this direction?
All of it was just a theatrical play

You were a craftsman
So idealistic that you were too good at it
And I was your puppeteer
Together, only looked perfect in the images

Yet you persuaded me in light years that dancing in the pool was to drool
Games and merits
Such concepts are unnecessary

Why everything is blurred?
I see no lines drawn
Could that bring me breath or rosy colors?

No ending to our story
It's not that we won't
It's just that we can't

Darling, I can't see the reason why are we living
Such concept is unnecessary
Yet you feel

Why am I out of my norms?
Such concept is unnecessary
Everything is real

Can you describe a star for me, darling?
Why can't I picture one?
Sing-songy, 1950s to 1980s style, a bit jazzy and mellow, 9/10 would suggest to imagine this in a starry night? But interpret it as you can
Apr 2020 · 366
Fine Line
Penne Apr 2020
Look at your phone
Look at your book
Look at your blanket
Look at your wardrobe
Look at that bar code
Look at that matchstick

They all have lines
They would not be created without lines
Lines can divide
Lines can unite
Lines can organize
Lines can cut
Lines can be rough-edged
Lines can be smooth and refined
Lines are signs
Lines tell you something
Lines contain
Lines can be curvy
And those curves can be ridden and lead into another path

The world would not be complete without lines
The world would not be created without lines

But you can't cross lines
Lines cross you
And lines draw you
Dec 2019 · 890
Pangatlo
Penne Dec 2019
Mga nakatago sa letra
Ang mga sagot

Ang mga sagot ay nasa letra
Ang luha
Ang inis
Ang dugo
Ang init

Ang pintura ng aking maduming brotsa
Ang mga espasyo na akala ay walang saysay
Iyon ang mas nagpapalayo sa katotohanan

Sa siyudad na malaki, pero ang liit
Parang nilakad ko na ang bawat sulok nito

Mahilig ako sa bagay na hindi lang madaanan
O maiwasang daanan

Ang tinta ng aking espirito
Itatak sa iyong santong puso

Malakbay sana magkasama
Ang mga lumulutang na letra
Samantalang ang boses mo na tulad ng awit ay nasa likod ng eksena

Malikhain ang gumuhit sa iyo
Ang larawan **** mabait
Mamantsahin ko
Ng aking bahaghari
Nawa hindi mawari

Wala dapat ang oras
Parang picture frame tuloy ang buhay ng bawat tao
Nandiyan lang
Nakatago, nakatayo, nasa pader---nakapako
Nadadaanan lang
Isang titigan lang

Sa iyo, isang titig ay hindi sapat
May nakatagong ginto
Hindi pangkaraniwang ginto
Ginto na hindi hinahanap ng lahat
Ginto na hinahanap ko

Nagpapawis nang sobra ang aking mga kamay
Maligoy ang mata
Tumitibok nang mabilis pabilis

O Dios, saanman, makasalanang mansanas bumubunga ng sanlibong bulaklak
Tinutuklaw nila ang aking lason

Wala na akong pake sa sagot
Mapaakit ka hanggang mabili ka

Kahit hindi ka muna magsalita
Hindi paliwanag sa mga titik
Ang paru-paro at ang agila

Nilamon ang itim
Namula ang bibig
Puti ang langit
Ubeng mata
Kahel ang balat
Bughaw na dugo
Dilaw na anino
Berdeng ilaw

Bangis ng indigo
Samantalang sila ay abo

Maligo sa aking isip
Taas na tingin sa mababaw na sahig
Ito ang ating luho
Zigzag man ang dating
Kapag nabili na, wala ng tubig parating
Nov 2019 · 180
Masquerade
Penne Nov 2019
White, blank
Made of carton.
Paint it
With a brush of authenticity
Waving emotions

But did I mention it is out of carton
Touch the shell, rough
Broken
Enough
Pretending that you are tough
Peel it off
That is to be laughed

A piece of paper
Like my improving self-worth
Even if soaked
Even if loathed
Even if ruined
Wear it
Since that it is only my face

Life is not about living
But surviving
That is why we buy them
Then lose them
Then buy again


Take off the mask
And see the world for what it is
Not for the charade
Since I am only playing a game of masquerade
Nov 2019 · 98
Oxygen at Risk
Penne Nov 2019
Life
Is
Vulnerable,
Inner
Never-ending
Greatness

Inside lies
Nothingness

Averting eyes

By the way, can birds fly
Only there was a sky that was limitless, instead
Xenophobia existed

How can I breathe when I did not try
How can I breathe when risks and opportunities were just left to dry
Back then, no one had anything and anyone
Now look upon today
How can we fly
How can I fly
Penne Nov 2019
We huddled always in a dining table as a family whenever we eat
One night, dad offered us slices of melons
My father had two or three
My brother had one or two
And I had one

My father told me the correct way to slice and eat a melon was to use a spoon to be the blockage while scooping a piece of it sideways with a fork

But I bluffed his way

He called me, "not smart" and "does not have any practical wisdom" for not doing it

When I looked at my brother, he was not doing the same
Instead, he scooped the melon easily with just a spoon like you would do in an ice cream

All I did next was just bit the pieces off, without using any utensils for help
Sep 2019 · 104
Mrs. Vannelyn
Penne Sep 2019
She likes to rip
Her body is to ****

Her perfume was bought at 8:59pm
She wore no undergarments

Except for her armor of steel gray Peau de Soie
Look like she just came from a ménage à trois
This was set on Reading
Yet her accent is smoking 1950s Chicago

Her presence drips in the room

A drop of blood spotted on her left cheek

An educated woman
Who read every encyclopedia
Just to do a Noh and tango

I wonder
You wonder

Who the hell she is

As she turned right,
the townsmen cannot help but ask,
"What is she doing at this night?"

Was she a long, little, lonely island?
A concubine who recently lost her spine ?
A tradesman of katanas and blades ?
The lady in golden dress who danced with you at that  bar?
Is it the chemicals of her anatomy?

A person of mystery

Did she even exist
A ring of gold on her ring finger
NPA


Swinging red and flashlights
Footsteps coming closer and closer
As she was arrested for ******
She died in front of them

Without a word

Without a sound
Aug 2019 · 150
Vannelyn
Penne Aug 2019
Yesterday
She was a piece of enigma

Today
She is still a work of enigma

I wonder why no one talks about her

Because she does not know where she came from

She does not know her mother nor father
She does not have any sisters or brothers
Or even the likes



Her presence drips in the room
Aug 2019 · 103
My Room
Penne Aug 2019
I stare off
At my bunk bed surface
To deep space
The metal bars under the cork
Shape like prison bars on a fork
Steep
Dark
Suffocating
Dull
I sink more to my cheap, wrinkled sheets
Still, frigidity penetrates it
I wonder why
You write
Because you know you are right
Or are you alright?
I trust everybody when they are writing
Because it shows who they truly are
They cannot be expressed ******
No matter how far
Who knows
I am Miss Understood
It feels as wintry as the neighborhood
I do not rise from it
Or will I ever
And always be the escapist prisoner of my prison
That I have built myself
Since I, the only one can enjoy it
Unreachable like how I reach things from the hole peeking from the bunk bed
Penne Aug 2019
Imagine
A ball of gas composing of water and land
That they call a planet
We started appearing out of nowhere
Spattering brains everywhere
Freedom to be anywhere
Only you can make the world beautiful
Only you can make life beautiful

What is sense?
When you are living inside a nonsense
Earth started out without structure, now you are telling me that I should think with structure?  
What values?
The ones told by your moms and dads to preserve order to everyone and yourself?
When all you have been entertaining is yourself
What beliefs?
When all of them are just distractions
As noises are to you and me
Who is responsible for your happiness?
Oh, look at that butterfly!

Sipping through the nectar of a New England Aster
Did that make your heart beat faster?
No need to rely on a maistre
To fulfil your already-hollow self
You are
You are the one who is feeling
You have your own heart
So, while you last
Make yourself that you think what joy is forever last
To yourself, to humankind, to all living and non-living vast!

The space we live in is infinite
The bigger you grow
The smaller your thoughts grow
The slower its flow
The blood does not clot
The vision blurs
The hours become seconds
The second you know, it is snow
Then, it will be spring!

Can you even catch up with all the pasts and futures?

The colors of tulip and dandelion fields
Intertwine with the afterglow of dawn
The scent of daylight and laundry sheets
Cool breeze condenses your cold glass window
Oh God!
Suffering is happiness
But that concept is nothing but nothingness
Is that what you all devotees call ******* sense?
Does not matter; irrelevant to the matter
Seven minutes of heaven of reminiscing the friendly conversations
The moments you sincerely laughed
The moments you tear yourself by the window

Remember your first love?
Do you still know what it smells like?
The taste of when you had your first breakfast at a five-star hotel?
The first country outside your country you travelled
The midnight chats while out raining
The fur of a Pomeranian or a husky

So done
So done
Of time running gone
System running--shutting
Life becoming to none

Nothing is definite
But only spoken in a miser, wiser’s tongue
I am a risky decision
You are a risky decision
We are a risky decision
We are a risk

Oh, we're drowning!
Someone save us!
What, you mean a god?
Living to believe
That we are dying
Lingering

Disbelieve in writing!
'Cause writing is a radical loss of certainty
What to believe
When the only way to survive life is not having any beliefs
Maybe we could have advanced to a higher meaning

HALT IT!
Overthinking! Overanalyzing!
The craziest cuckoo!

Needing of pain for comfort
Needing of comfort for pain

You call this art?
An art of ******* everything up

Reality is fantasy
Fantasy is reality
We'll wake up in a dream in no time

Hear Satie,
In odyssey in praise of odysseys
Now, you are telling me, you, and everyone in this room to be a catalyst?

How to end this poem
Like...life?
Jul 2019 · 331
Sweaty Palms
Penne Jul 2019
Ever heard of anxiety?
Just the word itself feels like eternity
A feeling that is born to multiply infinite
Still indefinite for the definite
Well, I have the social anxiety
That sounds like a self diagnosis
But every nanosecond I am going through metamorphosis
I do not have the profession to state this reliable confession
I know we are all different
But I know we are the same when it comes to biology
I am not saying this for unity
The sad thing is I cannot sell this brain for rent
Yet the hardest needed medication is empathy
For this distorted mentality
Why do you have to hurt when I am already in hell, reality?
Now shifting to maladaptive tendencies
I am not afraid of the crowd
I have fear they will not let me just be myself all year round
Say something positive
I will always flip it into something negative
Because I am provocative
Please see that as a prerogative
Do not be interrogative
This brain is too active for the inactive
Imaginative radioactive
Lacking in the interactive
Yet the fact that is also not enough
I am not enough is not enough
Since my problem is not in the physical
It is in the mental
And it is never going to turn only rental
Say you are only temperamental
Body burning like metal
Stuck in the bungalow
Now that they are all after the afterglow
Oh, when will it show?
The sweat excess
In this overthinking process
Overthinking the fact that we are all wired in "survival of the fittest"
Oh, brain! Just let me rest!
Can I just leave this to tomorrows' nests?
How can I show my best
When I need medication regardless
When will I find egress to this madness?
This is fine
Since suffering will lead you to happiness
Even for temporariness
What is worse is that it repeats
Until you are out of line
It was better all along if I became a mime
Better 'off with my head'
Better off dead
Jul 2019 · 101
Cities in a Thousand Flight
Penne Jul 2019
Cities in a thousand flight
Lights in a million fight
Flashing a million-dollar night
Feeling of a holy might

Seems right
Nothing tight
Circle around it must be a fright
Know that is a trite
Sparkle altogether as those sprites

Float away in a bright
Wrap me as if my knight
Do not leave in blight
Or seep through as a knife

High in this life
Like my lush in the rush
Brush my blush
Royal flush
Hush!
I hear...

Casinos, clubs, grands
Never bland
Limitless in this golden land
Scent of a brand

Never know what to decipher
Getting doper
When to flower
Unspeakable thoughts
But felt if they are all already spoken

Do it need to be dark
Do it need to be blank
Or frank?
Do it need to be rude
Does it need a hood

Captures the mood
Of the billion fingerlings
Swing in the blings
Wings in the rings

Tingling to mingle
To not be single
The lips of meringue
In the hidden harangue

Fight or flight
Not in the big one
Not in the deadly one
But in the hustle bustle
Of the dog-eat-dog castle
Until it becomes a rat chasing away from a snake hassle

The hustle bustle
Ruffles my truffles
Exquisite expensiveness
Conceals breeze of loneliness

Golden feast
Chandeliers from beasts
Sounds of civilized life
But still finding
What is missing

Satisfaction from unsatisfaction
Know the fraction
Of attention
Amused reaction

Anything can be built
Quilt then wilt
Divided between humility and progress
But these are fortresses

Will you destroy?
Or employ?
Stay in the middle
I guess that is the best choice
In this walking riddle
Jul 2019 · 94
Imaginary
Penne Jul 2019
Not okay to dream a little?
Until life brittles?
Picture perfect scenario
Replaying in the head in adaggio
Everyday, there is a crisis
Blow up a catharsis
This brain is not for the symbiosis
Butterflies of fantasies
Childhood memories
Of factories blocking the greenery
Smoke through your nose
Since no one knows
Learn the ways of maturity
Through infidelity
Blindfold the reality
Zone out for a minute
The grasslands and glades knit
Milky Ways enclose and meet
March with the stars' fleet
Distraction is the best form of treasure
You can think pleasure outside displeasure
The perfection of models blinding
Can they just unzip for a meantime?
Only marionette treats to bedtime
The days of innocence are long gone
When found out that they were just done
They say sky's the limit
But it is the limit
Restore the painting
But all along was only a blank filling
Can only be painted by a unique will
Filled and felt with a quill of tranquil
Used to think of nothing
But now questions everything
This is a contradicting thing
Satirizing every thing that is existing
Since it is fulfilling for you
But if only you knew
That for me, everything is ridiculous
Yet imperfection is to drool
Until it formed a pool
Cursed with a hand that is ludicrous
Was blessed because we can make and knead dough
In this challenging economy?
Or none of it though?
Growing up faster?
Or living younger?
It was only yesterday when played hide and seek
Today, that is the duty on fleek
Known better
That diving in your own world is bitter
Pointless
But will never stop making them lifeless
Regardless of these beating; Endless
On the contrary,
If you are just a child, these thoughts will only end up imaginary
Jul 2019 · 305
Heart Bleed
Penne Jul 2019
Pumping blood to my veins
Colorful life, colorless mine
Death is only a thin line
This world is already a complication
A work of imperfect imagination

I do not even know if it is for vain
Blood streaming, dripping, filling
Are you living?
Or just merely existing?

Falling deep when hurting
Why do you have to be the most sensitive part of this feeling
Cannot rise from this aching
But you are the reason why I am breathing
Telling me when I am dying

This heart is an abstract
An absurd tract
Are you God-made or a scientific fact
But both are just ideas that man created
Did I ask to be created?

All the while faith and knowledge are only what keeping me alive
But I do not want to be naive
Of what is behind reality
Or if this is just another fantasy

What is the meaning of life?
When all I am doing is running away from the knife
What is your true purpose?
You cannot answer that consistently, I suppose
Did you exist to just fill my emptiness
To keep me intact?
Even though what you gave me is sadness; now emotionless
What to achieve
When I do not know why I live
Penne Feb 2019
Chin up
What are you looking down on for?
I heard you were the winner of this contest
Why down
When you are already in the up

Your life is as high as the clouds
Tiptoeing on the gold
When every floor shines to you
People latch on you like a magnet
Hoping to leech off some basket of your talent
To me and the eyes of the envy, that is not humility
It is nothing but vanity

You have the neatest work
Organized and logical
Most understandable and desirable
You have the cheeriest face and smile
You have the coolest of fiercest lies
You have done the impossible
You have the peaceful of memorable
You have the breath freshing life
You have a simple but satisfying affection
You have somebody willing to sacrifice for you
Best of both worlds connection

You do not have a broken brain
That fluctuates on every thought train
To me, I see rain
Instead of the bow's grains
You do not faint
In world's every little madness added with vain

You stay rooted on your spot
Defending yourself even when the fire's hot
Dare playing forget-me-not
I ask myself everyday
Why cannot I be strong?
Why cannot I be independent?
Why cannot I be more talented?
Why cannot I be clean?
Why cannot I be innocent and still loved?
Why do I keep thinking?
Why cannot I just stop?
Why am I surviving?
Why
Why cannot be like them?
Why cannot I be like you

Always never enough
Improves but fails
Told to be yourself but I am tired of doing both the appropriating and the disappointing
Always hurt
Always inviting pain
Nothing to gain
With my self pitying
With my self degrading
Demotivating this miserably, hopelessly beating, drowsing heart
As I long stare on

Is it me
Is it you
Is it everybody
That I am crying out for this?
Repeating the celebrity thinking
To prevent sinking
You have to keep sailing in everyone's mingling
To forget what you are actually dancing
What you are living
Until you are completely failing
Fading
Because we are all missing something
Then blame it on everything

It is hard to maintain the:
"Just sing and soon everyone will respect you."
Feb 2019 · 190
Trillion in Vermillion
Penne Feb 2019
Let this not be thrown to oblivion
Been through the haze
My head in the craze
But there is no other like you
Searching, imagining
Carving, designing
Sculpting, molding, repeat
I paint with my eyes of dream
Touch of silk's gleam
Lips of rose
Gentle, perfect nose
You look so alive
That you almost have a life
Too bad, you cannot be my wife in real life
With my sculptor's knife
I carve you day and night
Dress you with the finest riches
Embrace you with kisses
Dance with you as immortal's bliss
I pray to gods, you heavenly Aphrodite
My lady is nothing but an ideal deity
I never once knew that this idea can become a reality
I thank the million skies
My eyes' tears cry
When I touch your ****** hair
Now as rich as fur of mare
Kiss your marbled lips into soft
Sigh in rough
Yet mellow in yellow
As your skin out of milk
You breathed by a creation to breathe you into a creation
Your body, mien, and clothing, pictures a waterfall, forest, flowerbed and nirvana combined
My days from bleak to wanderlust
We vow before the heavens
May this love strengthen
I have never felt this paradise
From dust to snow
From stone to show
From sand to flow
From idea to glow
From air to gold
The hymn of serene
Lily wort bloom in the scene
I beg you, please do not prepare my wake
Without my beautiful beside me by the lake
Pygmalion and Galatea ")
Feb 2019 · 155
Tired of This Soul
Penne Feb 2019
Have no one to talk to
About philosophies
Fantasies, memories
Anything daisies
Everyone is busy
In their pointless lives
Busy with their "soulmates"
Or busy wth their selves
Afraid to delve in the unthinkable
Overlooking the miserable
Trying to thrive
The ache in the hive
As I watch them die slowly live
As my mind die slowly incognito

Anyone want a ticket to history lane?
No one!
What about sincerity?
No one!
What about the sacredness of anything? The galaxies, the far away, the dreams, the opinions?
No one, since like myself
I view mine unpleasantly
So are the people around me
And now anything between
That is why I am in pink!

Tired of the soul
That no one desires
Nor understands
Too bore (or gore?) for my age's listeners
That stutters as it flutters
Muttering beside the shutters
Can you stop for a second there?
Make me worthy
In the lily forty
Do not make me haughty
For I have done plenty
It is not pretty
I sound like a dying *****
Thinking I am better but deep down, I feel lower
Waiting for a foe
And then get rescued by another *****

Oh, my castle-based tale life
Too alone again
Too fear-feeding again
Cynicism is my innate virtue
For I think that is my value
Then loneliness visits
For a sleepover
This curious, ****** rue
It is not new
Everything is used
Blown fuse
I refuse
Now, confused
For they still do not vamoose
Strings loose

Faint glowing lies
Vague surface
Challenge me
But not just pure logic
To be fair with my stone, sprinkle a little magic in this planet of tragic
Drip in nostalgic
But not too energetic
Not making it hectic
Yet oozing with electric

Born as this way
Hey, hurray
Making my own play
Selfish, arch, childish and filthy of me
But that is how I want it to be
All I ask for is your time
To listen then comprehend
End the pretend
Also clarify
I am only a dime in the lime
This should not be a crime

Is it too much to ask?
Feb 2019 · 843
Lavender
Penne Feb 2019
Sheets.
Beds.
Lay you
You, scent of miracle
Queen of purple
Dive with you
The lullness
The sweetness
The clouds
The home
Yet also the sting
Juice of youth sing
Not loud
Entangles me in waves
Indulge in the deluxe nature rave
Cool, mingling flame
Soothes my dame
As the mauve movement
Keep getting effervescent
The miss
The kiss
The mist
The rest
They dance and giggle freely
Fleetingly and sheepishly
Blushing as it brush against my flock of sheep
A sight of a paradox
A splash of silver fox
Comfy as its manes
Steadies my slumber
Even on a rocking lumber
With the breath of September
Keep making us enchanted under your spell
All will be swell
Thousand familiar but welcoming smell
To you I stay
We sway to heaven's way
May it turn us gay
Your nursing
Your care
Your play
It is our day
To blanket in your fields of saint
Feb 2019 · 5.8k
Incredulous
Penne Feb 2019
A dictionary of words
Thousands---infinites!
Little marks to describe a vast world
Lest not care of lacking logic
Aroused by imagination is my magic
Lemon zests the cornucopia of citrus
Are not they a splash of kalopsa?
Charisma, karma, euphoria?
Not allowed to bleed in blanc
Wail in rosy franc
Puddles of messed reflection
Fictions wonder reaction
Wander in the wildest wilderness
Describe the autumn, fall
Moist, solitary
Fawn on the lawn
Reality is the contrary
Refuge in the creamed sugar
Like a cup of iced kiss
Deep burrowed in the mapled hiss
Wait for its marmalade bliss
Head exploding in fireworks
Magnificent, what about nightfall?
Showers and streaks befall
Stars shoot smoke of ball
Cry tears of meteorites
Sprinkle the blinking sprites
Flow streams of sparkling silence
Swim the chasing glares
Enchant me in your chemise, evangelic skin
Leitmotif of mimes' maim, mean?
Speculate the pixelled fairies
Hide in the fruits of Alice
Spark at the dance of hands
Paint the faint trees
Baskets of floating sheep
Bounce in the enigmatic realm
Drooling in
As they transgress the egress
In chiffon blush flushed
Bittersweet caress
Bare grasslands with strangers
Wet the glory shine
Morning then hoots for sleep
Shush, weeping willows
Flowers of your scent hover the grove
Voices sweetly surrender
Linger for tender
Gloam or roam
River of innocence soul
Reaping the afterglow
Aglow my fountained lockes
Blur for it to be clearer
Illusions of ambiguity
As its lips meet the prism
Of brilliant optimism
Breathtaking fauvism
Breathless onism
Succumb in the limitless reverie
Rare of not having aneurysm
Persephone's persepolis
Blood of perenelia
Where Opheus court Eurydice
Winter solace holies
Lakes of beating lights
Bloom irregularly
As the sesquipedalian crawl out from its vine
In the Brobdingnagian it creeps
Line between sublime and wine
Harmony weave in palette
Rhythm rose from my red
Fresh breeze hush the roulette
Leaves blade the crafted well-made
Dusk, dawn to diiferentiate
Eclipse the hysteria and the impeccable
Love waltz
Glide the glistened clarity
Perfume lilies
Stares of lavenders
Rain the clouds of keys
Crystallizing and fractalizing
Mesmerize, astonish, aghast!
Rise your mile
Fragile my rile
Bridge this moonlit immeasurable, fantasia distance
Repertoire of piano choir
Luxury in the polychrome noir
Royal in the loyal wintermelon
Poppies color the spring
Butterflies fly in the effervescence
My painting sings a summer fling
Jump in the pantones
Rest your all
Stones amble swish scone
Wishes twinkle then hone
Will-o-wisps chill your bone
Lend me a wing
Let not be done in a ding
What I fear, free from the fringes of meek
My, this lexicon is not enough!
How to occupy the million, jillion, eternal galaxies
Shout in the rave
Echoing in the waves
Marvel at the bejewelled revel
Image my imagery
Oh, dive away child!
Let us drive in the garden of glaze
Careful not to be too amazed in the maze
In the hummed woodglade
As the critters flutter and flute
No way to chain me out of this loop
Pool of pretty astonishments
Diamonds of nature
Endure, not inure
Words alone are insufficient
These are just mere fantasies
Some are unexplainable
Some needs to be felt
Some needs to be seen
Not just read
Not just dreamt
I may sound dubious
But this is incredulous
Just a random collection of pretty words º-º
Feb 2019 · 408
Testing
Penne Feb 2019
Illusion of illusion
Are you now in confusion?
What does this supposed to mean?
Why do they rhyme?
Does it spell the time?

Why is it centered?
What does it supposed to mean?
What does it hide?
Ambiguity or a plain ride?
Paperback bona fide?
Where is the lie?
Adventure or mystery
Mien or a hidden fight?
Strong or mild?
Does it circuit?
Loop, repeat or look,
A biscuit

Are you not too distracted with your life?
Satisfy my tongue
I will satisfy yours
Will it shock me in brilliance?
Cry me in defiance?
Or make me miserably dance?
What is to unlock?
Such a mock


What does it supposed to mean?
To confuse or clean?
Is it as thin as lean?
Or a skeleton underneath?
Lose your skin
Or increase your bid
Flute in tune as baby's breath
Words tangled in a wreath
As it lace on your neck
Too many to process
Too many to possess

Is there a way out in the unknown?

Pour me in your sensical honey
Dip in that money
What does it mean?
For you
Or are you just juked?
Send a nuke, fluke
Feb 2019 · 238
Boxed
Penne Feb 2019
Rough, sandy
Malodors of Brandy
Unlimited space
Yet strangling

Dark, hollow
Look again
Fell deep in the hole
Cannot breathe in this loophole

Wind wafting through its cardboard
The more I think about it
The cooler it gets

I had one similar
When I was just a mere familiar
Horsing around it as if it was my home
What made it comfortable
It was always locked
It was always not a liar

It was better than anyone
I do not know what kind of sorcery it used
But it always eased my fuse
When I am confused, in a ruse
I can breathe after all

You can imagine anything there
Flap its sides as if you are in a plane
You can paint animals, forests anytime
Unlike reality

Turn it into castle
Or a storage of treasure
A hideout
Military base
Safe and sound

Quiet, does not shout
Does not turn angry
Cut, it will not yell
Not misunderstanding
Attachment syndrome with a non-living thing
So are these ghosts surrounding

My philosopher's brain is no match for society
Add that with my dash of absolutism
I played along with the appropriatey

But why, did it betray me now?
The more I stayed
The more I get scared
Tsunami of bad dreams slapped me
Cannot get out
But nowhere to shelter to

Feeling I do not need aid
It is better to sabotage my faith
On my own
Than admitting that I am terrified
Sensitive like the morning flower
Than to be hurt by the outside
Than involving anyone
Since everybody around me are dunces

So stay
Once more
Get this occupied
Even if it is already roaring to break free

Where no one will see me
See me be myself
Abnormal self
Weeping, childish self
And come back again and again
Feb 2019 · 515
I Know
Penne Feb 2019
I know
I know what is right from wrong
But I do not know why I keep doing it for so long
For the millionth time
I know

Why do you do it too
If you know that it is wrong
'Cause it is what everybody does?
I have eyes too
I can imitate that
I can reciprocate all that
Future generations can

We are fine not changing this rotten world
We are fine following the crowd
We are fine living in these dying cerebrums

Blame me
For my cowardice
For I am an absolutist
Love the subtlety
If I am fighting for something
I should not be hiding behind my screens

I know
I am illogical
Out of my head
But re-check yourself if you had one too

I know
We are all humans
And I honestly hate that philosophy
Since all we do is escape that futility
And choose social mutiny
Desenthesize us, realists and freaks' mentality
Instead of unity
Please, more fatalities

But it feels good, right?
To let yourself in irrationality
Since this is not pretty
So is reality
Especially when they desire change
But on the inside, they are afraid
I know
Art cannot be political

To fight against the atmosphere
I know
You have all the time in your life
To sin, then regret
Mistakes flow me!
And may regret do the same thing

I know
I know

But before you point your finger
Why not point yourself too

It feels good to be wrong (but not right)
Jan 2019 · 214
Eurydice Two
Penne Jan 2019
Waking up to dawn
To see you stand on the lawn
Your details are to be fawn

Universe does not exist when you are around
Every moment and memory is spellbound
A new side of me has found
As you lift me up from the ground

I cannot remember
If we really met in November or December
I must be in a deep slumber

Your touch is a revel
My heart is a rebel
Fruit not in level
Your orbs are to marvel

The sand on our feet when we strolled on the beach
The waves splash in peach
Like each other's leech
Like me who wish to reach

Wonder is our niche
Not that it is cliche
But true
As my love for you

The skies become lighter
The room gets brighter
The nature seems richer
Life is smoother

Bouncing in clouds
Chasing the moon
Floating in rounds
Body swoons

Only one who fights my gray
Who lights up my day
As we fly away
To the fields of May
As I lay and pray

My strings went from none to beyond
Feelings about to be bond
Flame tames down
Waking up to dawn
To only find you gone
Just had an idea if Eurydice never got a happy ending with Orpheus. I guess this is how it is told in a more modern way.
Jan 2019 · 175
Vulnerability is Hard
Penne Jan 2019
Peeling off my layers
In front of you in the naked glazers
No blazers
Oh, anxiety grows in the air
Can I now retreat to my normal flair?
Before I opened bare
My body sheltered in shame
Tasted lame
Ruined a good name
Mind gambling in games
Hands twitch and fidget
Into directions anyone cannot forget
Warmth is not enough
To smoothen the roughs
If I cannot withstand all the melodrama,
Can you be my anesthesia?
Since exists in my head is an everlasting psychedelia
Tiptoeing on shards of firearms
May I weep in your frail arms?
Do it mean harm?
Will my skin not switch into a smoke alarm?
Will I be able to be vulnerable?
Defenseless surrender
Before the wars turn into murders
And not alter to *****
When nowhere left to release the fumes
When to breathe as a chrysanthemum
When I still cannot find an asylum?
Defeating my memoir
In the phase of searching a livewire
Since I lived once in a birdhouse
Where it is already wall-tight and always a full house
I know I am afraid, for no correct steps are laid
Please
I am already a regret
Now, do not fret
Exhibiting my secret is equal to losing to an opponent
Faith to me is blind
Especially when you are not in right mind
Jan 2019 · 558
Idle Hours
Penne Jan 2019
Song of the nightingale
Mixes my ginger ale
Sink faucet water drops
Mirror props
No one to cuddle in these idle hours
My esteem tastes sour
My heart, it shrank
My eyes, they sank
In this frigid dark
It is not pain
It is not lame
View these as plain
For me, I feel like I am to be blamed
How to mouth an emotion
When my mind is not in motion
My body in supine position
****** my heart strings
Can you still hear them tugging, running
Because I cannot
My ears must be deafened by the waves
The only sound right now is the metronome in the monochrome
My silhouette dancing in this lone haze
Touch me, I fracture
How to not be unfazed
When I am born with a daze
Do I still remember the days
When I do not wake up in this blank  gaze
Bypass me as a slate
Think until I used up space
Draws my face
Even when there are a lot swimming this way
I am faltering, fading away
In these invisible blows
That keep getting close
When I want them to be far away
Yet the holes are nowhere
Yet the roots are null
Dew's breath caress through my skull
In what way to lull
Who knows
What tomorrow holds
For I am idling in hours
Jan 2019 · 197
Cafe Catharsis
Penne Jan 2019
Hold my glass
Even if it is my third, sixth time whatever to take the mic
I feel a catharsis coming up
Why people need to take away my one and only guilty pleasure
What is wrong with reading
And writing tales in my phone?
Do you think I do not learn anything from them?
Not all writings are fruitless
I am better than people who uses chapels as an internet cafe
They scroll mindlessly in their news feeds
Pardon your brainless child, God
But I find chapels peaceful
Your presence alone sings with tranquility
And when it does, countless thoughts form in my head
I cannot sleep in day nor night as long as I do something about them
So with my fingers, I type
So with my pen, I dance
Even if I sound like a kid who rants a lot in the internet
Even if I am still immature for the matures
Even if I am still a novice to this billion-year old planet
Even if I am perturbed in whether publishing them or not
But to facticity
When I was a mere seedling
I am always obscured
I did not lend my mouth to those who are in my age and even out of age that I find low-leveled to me
I have no one to talk to but myself
At least that is what my ghost processed
I am not good at anything except for swordfighting
It helped me unleash the monsters I have been not willing to let anyone see
I am already abused for having a distorted mentality
Now I am being abused by distorted reality
Oh, am I haughty yet?
Pardon my noisy, sleepless mind
That will not let me speak out loud
If you disgrace reading, try slowly, little by little first
I am telling you, it is a nice picturesque to be in
Paint your own scenery
Contemplate the unheard
Dance with any melodies of art
Even if it is not by a stylus
So tell me, why do I deserve that preaching
When there are worse than me
Have I done something to wreck your life
Have I done a huge, lawless crime
When I am just sitting through the Holy silence with a book in my mind
Jan 2019 · 1.7k
A Lass
Penne Jan 2019
Once there was a lass
Planted into a mysterious world
Does not know where to go, how to go
Three lights later, she was found
But it is not the kind of found she desires
Is there even a reason of existence
You want her to question about her sanity
Question about impossibility
Question what is underneath
Question what is on the other side
Do you think to look smart
Or do you think because you want to be mentally deranged
Does being a product mean,
To look unique, to look you know a lot more than anyone
Because insane is the new gain
Insane is the pain
Insanity is my oxygen
Does this look art to you
Just simply spilling her emotions and rants
But in reality she done nothing
So how come you label her as a product?
Everyday, questioned herself if she is even of worth
No matter where angles of skies she looked at , no answers burst
If she was born to be secluded
Does that mean she is out of this world
If she thinks differently
Does she have to change the world?
Should she be drowned in the pills of schizophrenia
To define what real art is?
To defy reality?
Is this enough
If not, then what am I
If not a product, then what
I disgrace sycophants and know-it-alls alike
Except for lucid and heavy dreamers for life
Are we bore to create a fantasy
Or altogether fall with this society
Does living in nomothethic oceans is a mistake
Talk about limitless yet senseful imagery
Chatter away with debates that activate logic which I do not have
What is more likely to balance
When there is a whole solar system to laugh at you
No, I should see more light
But what light shall I find
I do not know what is the real definition of every little thing
But I worry and think of them
They say it is the beauty
What beauty
Underneath or above
Which one did you admire first?
Do I have to question my faith
Do I have to question everything around me
Should I speak like Shakespeare
Should I speak colorful in my own language  than the language that became my mother's tongue
Should I write like an endless dictionary and a multi-faced human
Should I count every star accurately until the fall wither me
Or produce sounds alive like the city of owls
Should I make every human being smile when I cannot smile myself
Should I feel nothing but sadness for eternity
To pity me when I weave with words
Should I play like Arima
Should I paint like a museum artist
Just to call me a talent
Should I perfect my skills of every labor
Should success appear to me like magic
Should I explain the unexplainable
Or should I damage my cerebrum
Before I truly feel intelligent
Should I dance my life away like the Black Swan
Should I be tearing down politicians and teachers
Just to feel worthy
Just to be recognized in the light I desire
Or should I just look in the mirror
To check if my blood veins are still flowing
Real blood, not just veins of vain
Inhaling all the smoke of envy
I sin
I am flawful
I breathe in gold
Just to realize it is old
Just to realize my self-redeement is stone cold
Will you love and be deserved by light like that
Will you realize everyone who reads this has been ugly as well
Will you realize I am not writing about myself
But what we are all afraid to admit the most
Because you are only a person
And once there was an abnormal lass
Jan 2019 · 414
A Rose-Colored Poem
Penne Jan 2019
What if I like what is underneath
Flocks these days admire on what is in the cover
Tainted and glittered nails
But what if I rip the skin off and study the parts of it?
That way I can admire the beauty of having such a body part
Glitzy notebooks are a thing
When I can have a notebook with just a mere dot as a design
That way no one will be able to steal them
Because I am the only who knows the beauty of it
Everyone dances to the music they heard of
While I am just here listening to non-existent sounds
Everybody befriends the charismatic person in the room
But what if I like distorted overgrowns
Even when he shot daggers
Talks to himself and paints the world as if he owns it?
Tell me what is good taste
When it is there surrounding me
Your eyes just do not switch to an owl's yet
Isn't life full of hidden kalopsa?
Even if I still do not have William's tongue to describe them?
When you are at your worst
I may not help you instantly
Since I cannot help but be mesmerized by your mistakes
You are even more beautiful to me when the side you hide the most flourish
Even when everybody in this world hates you,
I will find colors in your imperfections
I will burst in laughter at them, not because you are foolish
But you had the courage to show your real persona
Everybody has different ideas for beauty
But this is mine
Like this poem
You thought this is going to be pretty
When I like what is underneath

— The End —