Dry throat

                Thudding heart beat
Body shaking

                       Mind racing
Chaos in my body

A female in her prime is the most dangerous

I still hate life
And I still want to die.


How about you?

The saddest part is when the one you want
Wants someone else.

Getting your heart broken feels like a nightmare that you actually have to live in.

And I'm still hurting.

My heart still beats rapidly in my chest when I see your name flash across my screen

You're sad and he doesn't care.

It only bothers me when I'm alone
And I think about it

He was once your everything
then all of the sudden he wanted to mean nothing
And then the heartbreak eventually became a memory
And now you walk past each other on the streets like strangers who were never ever in love

I loved you to much
And you didn't love me enough

I could get anything I've ever wanted
And still feel like somethings missing.


But that's just me.

Every single day
A battlefield of chaotic traumas erupt
A red blur of trouble finds me
God lets this happen to me for I am suppose to trust him, but how long does that trust stretch before Im broken down and all those who are suppose to stand with me are against me, and I am alone in a world full of humans

It was that kind of breakup
That left you both emotional and emotionless
All while wondering was it all worth it?

My Depression is beginning  to feel like a stickyness on my fingers that I can't quit wash off

Why is it that when you finally get what you want
You suddenly don't want it anymore?

I've never Been this angry
And so closed off from the world
And ive never been so terrified of what could come next

The saddest part is
You live three thousand miles away and you still need space.

These days my life is like a pool of bad vibes and negativity

What is it about anger
That makes our fear disappear?

Is it when your innocence has fled that you are no longer as pure as you use to be? Are you not as poetic as you use to be?

Are you even the same person?

I'd Love You Forever.

Arguing back means you love them

Not arguing back simply means ur done fighting for a love that just isn'there anymore.

I get attached to things, places, people, You.
all things I always eventually loose.

Please do not get angry at me for feelings that I cannot control

It's funny because as poetic as I am
And how much time I spent thinking of him in the wee hours of the night
I could still only think of one word to describe him
And that word
Is
Heartless.

He was a simple minded boy
Who didnt quit understand poetry or the dangerously poetic girl who made thunderstorms only look like rain

Why are you making me feel so ashamed
For falling so deeply in love?

Is it because you know that it is a momentary thing?
That it will be over in a blink of an eye? Because if that's your reason then I'm scared too..
I know loving every single little thing about a person is a dangerous thing.

Through all the madness around me
You've been my constant, my happiness

I need you |

Means that it's been broken, aching and stepped on,
But still managed to love others without the fear of getting hurt again.

And today was really ...
          
              really bad..

Some people just aren't wise enough to hear the powerful exsposion in your words.

And I left you even though my bones, heart and soul didn't quit agree with my actions and I stay up every single night with a bottle of something alcoholic by my bed and a full pack of cigarettes under my pillow just in case I do fall asleep by an accident and dream of you, then I can jolt awake with the realization that I left you and I can drown my stomach with so much alcohol that I drink myself into a drunken paralyzation so I can't run to you in the middle of the night so you can make it all better

I'm so tired of thinking of the reasons why you did it
I'm done with blaming myself for what you did and putting myself down and shaming myself thinking that I wasn't good enough for you
I want my heart to know that I was to good for you and you knew that so you cheated to make yourself feel better.

It's that feeling you get when you don't exactly know what your feelings

Still wanna know why they were strong enough to stay in high school and I wasn't...

Is every mistake forgivable?

When your crying on his doorstep
Begging him to let you in because he changed the locks on you, and it didnt make sense to you because he's the one who cheated on you, but you didn't leave him because no one has ever loved you like he did, around this time last year is when you fell in love with him, but this year he ends up leaving you. It's gonna make sense now because I was in your position, I went back to him over and over until i was empty. Until I had nothing left to give and I thought I'd stay with Him I'd get my heart back at least.  It's gonna makes sense now but please don't go back to him, let him be. Because ******* like that never change.

It is most beautiful but tragic to actually love  someone, and know that it is possible to loose them.

Or maybe I loved him because I was at my worst and he still thought I was perfect.

My feelings change faster then the days go by

Who cares if your life is terrible
Or if it's the greatest
Where all gonna die anyway so do what you want.

If I don't get that Rush when you kiss me
If the butterflies don't come when your around...
Then does that mean your not the one?

I want this to work
I want you to be a permanent person in my life
I want you to change me to be better, I want to learn from you while loving you with every piece of me, I also want to receive the same amount of love right back

But what I don't want is to be the only one trying,
Being the only one wanting this to be something you don't want it to be
I don't wanna swim out in the middle of the ocean with you in this relationship only to be left alone to drown in the middle of it.

The moment you let people's opinions about you hurt your feelings
Just know that your giving them full control over you and the way you feel about yourself.

He didn't understand why I liked storms
But what he never realized is that
Everytime he left me
I felt like one

I'm the white spaces between every single word.

Somedays I'm perfectly fine
I can smile for a full 24 hours without letting the thought of you ruin me

But somedays....
I breakdown and scream to the deepest darkest part of the universe asking the world why can't I have you?

I loved you, you saved me
but with you I always felt the need to look over my shoulder

I loved him more
Because with him, I felt safe enough to fall asleep in his arms
I felt no need to look over my shoulder.

No matter if it's
guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal.
Change is never easy
We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.

If your relationship is too perfect
You start thinking of things that aren't wrong
You began to create problems in your head that's not really serious in real life

"Is he so perfect that he's not good enough?"

Does there have to be some sort of conflict in the relationship to make "us" seem real?
To make it seem like this is really a relationship?