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May 2018 · 481
Condemned
Haley Tyler May 2018
Years I spent playing handyman
Fixing the cracks and the rotted wood
Of a relationship that had already been condemned
Watching from the sidelines as they threw stones in the house they built together out of glass
And I dutifully glued each shard together
Until my fingers started to bleed
And I realized I had no glue to put myself back together
and they’d just tear the house down again anyway | h.t.
May 2018 · 525
Maybe, probably
Haley Tyler May 2018
There's popcorn on the ceiling,
a million bajillion clusters that I've spent days trying to count.
In the 1950's these ceilings exploded into popularity.
And until 1977, homeowners blasted asbestos covered popcorn toward the sky, letting mesothelioma fibers fall back to their floor like it was harmless dust.
I take a deep breath, letting the air settle deep in my chest before letting it back out.
My ceiling is probably not made of asbestos.
It's probably styrofoam or some other cheap, paper-based product.
I take another deep breath.
The EPA banned the use of asbestos in these ceilings.
Apparently, inhaled in large quantities, asbestos causes lung disease, lung scarring, and lung cancer.
Another deep, deep breath.
I continue counting the probably not cancer causing popcorn.
I wonder if I would be able to feel the particles swimming in my lungs like fiber glass–thin, delicate, sharp.
I wonder if it would **** me.
I wonder if my family would file a claim like you see on those old commercials screaming,
"If you or a loved one developed mesothelioma you, yes you, could be entitled to compensation."
Or, something like that.
Breathe.
The air tastes funny.
My ceiling is most likely not made of asbestos.
But, I probably wouldn't care if it was.
I went down a weird internet spiral and now I know a lot about different kinds of ceilings | h.t.
Apr 2018 · 703
Liminal
Haley Tyler Apr 2018
What do you do
with the curtains drawn and lights off?
In an empty house does time stop?
Do the walls talk?
Do dust motes dance above countertops?

What do you do
alone in your head,
Are you keeping yourself fed?
Do you curl up in the safety of bed?
Do you drag your feet as if they’re lead?

What do you do
with no where to go?
Do you allow the emptiness to grow?
Or do you try to fight the low?
Or maybe, just maybe, let someone know?
liminal: adjective. relating to thresholds. the state of being in between. | h.t.
Mar 2018 · 322
coming to terms
Haley Tyler Mar 2018
She walks through an empty house
with fingers trailing along the walls
tracing every memory made within them
wishing time could take her back to when she was whole
and not the ghost she has become
a spirit trapped in her own body | h.t
Haley Tyler Mar 2018
I dare you to peel away my skin,
dig in my flesh and pull me out
of this ******* shell I’m in.
Leave me raw and pink,
A sunburn from your soul,
that righteous light, the missing link.
Fill a hollow heart that doesn’t beat
but you’ll find in a corpse,
it just won’t keep
I was pronounced dead on arrival | h.t
Feb 2018 · 350
12:43 a.m.
Haley Tyler Feb 2018
i'm tired of treading lightly
scraping teeth against my tongue
to stifle the truth
exhausting a mind masquerading as a thesaurus
trying to find the prettiest words
to protect your heart
my lips were a dam and now it's flooding | h.t
Feb 2018 · 9.9k
life without parole
Haley Tyler Feb 2018
And like that
my voice has been stolen away
Anxiety barricades like invisible steel walls
Trapped, I’m left banging with clenched fists
A prisoner within my own head
My brain a chemically imbalanced warden
My mind in solitary confinement
i've been denied bail | h.t
Feb 2018 · 337
Ink Stains
Haley Tyler Feb 2018
Do you remember the last day?
Not the one where our words left burns on flesh
But the one where our tentative apologies became the salve
Where forgiveness became possible
And our future was suddenly not set in stone
We stole pens and wrote our sins on sweat coated skin
Our truths sinking into every wrinkle and every fold we created
But in the morning you were gone
And in the bathroom I found a washcloth stained with ink.
Were you wiping me away? | h.t
Feb 2018 · 315
“You’re poison.”
Haley Tyler Feb 2018
He snarls, his lips curling over his teeth. “You’ve pushed away everyone who ever loved you away, and laughed.”

I focused on the dust motes floating between us, willing his words to hurt. Willing for them to sting.

Nothing.

It’s always been nothing.

“It’s a shame I never loved you then, isn’t it?”
—if I’m toxic then my words are acid | h.t
Feb 2018 · 340
Insert her name here
Haley Tyler Feb 2018
I found myself
driving down the road
with the wind blowing
cigarette smoke in my face

I found myself
in the passenger seat of her car
with the bass kicking louder
than the lyrics we screamed

I found myself
in the reflections of windows we passed
blurred by the downpour of rain
but not completely erased

I found myself
in her laughter and
my name passing through her lips
as if it were her song

I found myself
alone
her name floating through my mind
wondering where the hell it went wrong
—She was my best friend, now she’s just a stranger whose name I already know | h.t

— The End —