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  Jun 2020 Carmela Fernando
I am not in love with you in the way that most would think of
when they hear the phrase “In love.”
But I am In love with having you in my life for the rest of eternity,
And I am in love with loving you forever
In whatever form that comes in.
  May 2020 Carmela Fernando
moon child
"I'm an open book"
She says

Written in
We are all victims
of failed society
They criticize
They hate
They judge
and we all just
stood there
and broken.
We are too numb
to feel,
We pretend to be deaf
about what they say,
We stay blind
of the things they did,
We are the outcast
of this broken world,
We remain silent
creating our own
vast world within
our enormous
we stand
taller than towers
There, our inner voices
speak the loudest
There, our sight
and imagination
is boundless.
I said
they will
all fall, and
I'd be too
oblivious to hear
all of their screams"
—they made me like this.
  May 2020 Carmela Fernando
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.
she’s too strong,
she’s too much,
she’s too tough to love.

she’s too hard,
she’s too broken,
she’s not enough.

she’s imperfect,
she’s wild,
she’s lost in the wind.
she’s insane,
sending signs of chaos from within.
  May 2020 Carmela Fernando
your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you
if only i could chase you with pizza but shots don't work like that
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