//Do you hear those silent screams
that echo in my mind,
as I sit down under the dim lights crying?
These silent screams have been
in my mind for years now,
but they fall on so many deaf ears.
You tell me you can't hear them
and I cannot cease to wonder
how will you hear them
when they're in my mind
and how will you know
when I keep telling you I'm fine.
But what do I tell you?
These screams have no words.
It's just feelings of sadness and darkness
that come together in herds.
Behind this smiling face,
lies a dark endless road,
bringing about an ounce of chaos,
every second a little more.
How do I explain this feeling
of void and darkness
to someone who hasn't
experienced it once?
How do I smile,
when my happiness trickles away,
just like water in your hands.
How do I tell you that
the pain isn't temporary?
How do I answer these questions
when I have no answers?
All I can do is
cover my mouth shut
to try and hush the
silent screams.//
~Swati

//As I stare at those photographs,
multiple emotions cross my mind.
Every memory, good and bad
comes to my mind as I reminisce.
The childhood days that I spent
playing with dogs,
And the teenage years
that I now spend writing.
The time when I was a social being
and now when I'm totally different.
The memories of school days
cross my mind for a moment
when I think of the chaos in life,
and the serenity in that chaos.
The days when I was eager to get out of bed,
and now when I have clinomania every morning.
As I stare at these photographs,
I am happy and I am sad,
for the flashbacks of memories
are good and bad.
This is my kaleidoscope of memories,
which has made me who I am,
and I am a living paradox,
since life is black and white.
With every white, there's a black,
and this is a world of grey areas,
and adjusting to a single shade,
would make it a boring place.//
~Swati

//Down the corridors of my mind
are many doors,
cast with shadows from the past,
with the fragrance of my favourite cologne lingering about.
A door down the corridors
opens to a room of wine stained sheets
from the day you left
and we bid the necessary tattooed goodbyes.
It's the door unopened since the last day,
And the other one by my side,
opens to walls full of
portraits of the past sins,
and the paintings of passion,
that was long gone before the last day.
These doors open to bring back bittersweet memories
of the days when I was in the throes of agony,
draping tangerine skies of vengeance on my shoulders,
carrying the weight of a long lost relation,
just so you won't have to.
Down the corridors of my mind
are many doors,
cast with shadows of the past,
of the days when I felt your cacophonic breath on me,
and now I shut these doors in the corridors of my mind,
everytime I feel your presence lingering around,
Just like the fragrance of my favourite cologne.//
~Swati

//I met you first, when I was at my lowest
I didn't know you, and yet,
you made me feel comfortable.
In those days, when we met,
I had nobody, and you,
you made me feel special.
In those days, I didn't know what to do,
but sometimes you make a choice
in the moment and you know in your heart it's going to change everything.
And in this moment, I trusted you.
I supposed that was love,
for I hadn't felt so ever before.
Our love didn't last long,
because of the differences
and time, and age, and what would people say,
because we were misfits in love, like you said
Oh dear, what would people say?!
Our love didn't last long,
but it did have repercussions,
the repercussions of my first love.
You left me, and now
I am nothing but a shadow cast by your remains,
collecting my broken pieces,
to be whole again.
Since you were gone, I was empty again,
but since you were gone,
I learnt to put others before myself
and since you were gone,
I learnt how to communicate and work out problems,
and how I wish we communicated.
With you gone, and with a feeling of loneliness,
here I am moving ahead in love,
to bear the repercussions,
which they say are hard to forget.//
~Swati

//She rose to the surface
of the ocean of her tears,
welcomed by the warmth
of the first rays of the sun
from under the depth of the cold water,
feeling more alive than ever before.
She rose to the surface
after winning her battles against misery
which had pulled her down,
deep within, underneath the surface.
She rose to the surface
when she looked for hope
when she was in pain,
and when she finally ignored
the voices in her head
telling her to give up the fight.
And as she rose to the surface,
she bid a warm goodbye
to the life she once had,
to the life she was going to take away.//
~Swati