I'm trying not to be a walking contradiction. It's hard make things better for everyone not focusing on myself. After being sick Trying to recover and not holding back on the work.

Always a team player treating others work like mine. When it's my work the half *** effort and not caring bothers me. Time for everyone but stuck doing everything last minute.

I just do what needs to be done not sit back and complain. Taking the blame. Do something about it stop feeling sorry for yourself. I don't care for pity parties. Do the work

You get it out tell the truth. Everyone tried to shut you down, keep you grounded. All you want to do is take off get to the next level. Listening to the negativity made the world numb. Blocking everything out a clear mind.
Learning to cope deal with these emotions and feelings. Being a child a cry baby told stop being a ***** not able to express yourself because parents dk how to deal with you. Told to tough it out plow through. Put your head down get through to the end.
You miss out because you are distracted by getting it done. Trying to make it happen, be the one. who did it because they said it couldn't be done. They didn't believe in you so it make you want it more. Writing is a voice, doing the work getting closer coming up short. It's like a puzzle trying to complete it from all angles and with the right piece getting closer to completing the whole picture.

I didn't want to believe what I heard
All the stories hoped they weren't true
Let you in the betrayal was deep
Should've listened to the warning signs
Thought things wouldn't end
Seen it differently being foolish
Already told the outcome going in
Results given by previously used fools
Slammed into the wall of failure
Being optimistic left feeling naive
Treated just like everyone else
Never the same above the pain
So many games not playing anymore

Not your friend anymore
I'd back you up never spoke bad
While you bad mouth my name
Don't talk on my behalf
No room for a dishonest representative
You don't represent my name
Keep it out of that deceitful mouth
We no longer associate over the lies
Not catching heat guilt by association
Focused on winning not defeat
Stop blaming others for your fault
Own up for the wrong drama you caused
Had to cut ties not going to get caught up
Over stuff that has nothing to do with me

The things you don't want to talk about
The things that hurt you cause suffering
Those pains make you stronger, better
Dealing with those cluttered emotions
A pondering mind makes it worse
Confrontation minimizes pent up anxiety
Made up scenarios that never happen
Things feel real compared to reality
Staying calm levels it out keeping peace
Acting on that frustration cause chaos
Disconnected from uncomfortable situations
Know your worth trust your value
Others disagree don't lower yourself
Criticism makes you better not setttle

Why do you work so hard? Before my grabdpa died an older man working harder than the youngsters. Grandpa always said take take care.
Not afraid to get in there do the get it started and finish things. Months on the sidelines recovering made me want it more. Being kept out of the loop on the outside looking in. Sick or not fighting to be normal seen as an equal.
Being told your nothing but proving them wrong. Seen as special but in denial because no one steps it up came down a level which is numbing. Over the same bs different levels.

Too many complain campaign about everything
Rather than be the one who made a difference
Stands tall the resistances turn the page
Causing rage so many chose to settle
Than step it up be better make it happen
Not gonna run not gonna hide
Almost died revived made to survive
Another protest just to be heard
Not doing enough life is tough
Do something can't wait around
Doing nothing meant to be doing something much more