They make you out to be a jerkface for going up and trying to get it together. While some stay the same, never growing up quick to knock others. People respect their minimum effort decisions, while they look down on those; who took risks working hard to better their life situation. Learning to enjoy life make the most of everything. It doesn't happen right away keep pursuing the vision. Make the dream a reality achieve those personal goals the American dream what your heart tells you with a clean head on those sturdy shoulders.

Letting it go it means nothing now it was so long ago. Its like a security blanket that outlived its purpose. Trying to find more purpose with meaning and be able to go numb. Feeling everything physically and mentally burned up from it all. Spiritually need to be recharged. The past can't be brought with you those days are over. Feared it would be brought up used for leverage by others. Owned up apologized still not forgiven mostly never forgotten.

Thinking about writing since it keeps this anxious mind occupied. Learned to slow down this racing thought process. Slowing down not seeing things as life or death. In survival mode trying to come up with new ways to escape awkward situations. Avoiding people who complicate things making it hard for others