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mj Sep 2018
i stand out in the cold
embracing the harsh winds
i close my eyes and breathe deeply
inhaling the smell of the crisp, fall air
the smell reminds me of us
how our favorite season would be so short
but we'd love every moment of it

the colors of the leaves
a cranberry red
like the sweater I wore on our first date
a burnt orange
like the flower you gave me
a golden yellow
like the ring you gave me
to show you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me
on the last day of autumn

but by the first day of fall the following year
you weren't here with me
you can never feel the cold on your face again
or see the bright colors of the trees and leaves

every time i step
the crunching of the leaves
crush beneath my boots
i tread to where you lay
i read the stone again
even though what it says is already engraved in my mind
mj Jun 2018
give me a reason
give me a ******* reason
give me a reason why i should stay
give me a reason why i shouldn't walk away
why shouldn't i just leave
why i shouldn't fade into the distance
why shouldn't i just disappear
why shouldn't i just jump into the abyss below me

aren't you going to answer me?
why shouldn't i?
you bothered to stop me and ask
why shouldn't i?

you say there's hope
no there isn't
you say there's someone who loves me
no one i can think of
you say there is help out there
but you have to understand
i've tried everything

you don't know how it feels
to feel worthless
pathetic
stupid
and ignored

why shouldn't i jump?
mj Apr 2018
her past always catches up to her
like the moon chases the sun
on the fateful day every few years
the eclipse

she thought she could run away
she thought she could outrun it
she thought she could just forget about it
like it was nothing at all
but instead
it caught up

it yanked her down to the floor
pulled her straight down into the deep dark
onyx hole she climbed out of before

she could never escape
escape her haunted past
no matter how hard she tried
she could never outrun it

she was fast
but her demons were faster
mj Mar 2018
i'm in the desert
all alone
i can see in the distance
a group of people
people i know in my life
i feel my self sinking into the ground beneath me
the quicksand slowly consuming me

i call out to the group of people
i call out for help
they ignore my cries
ignore my screams
i'm unheard

they wont listen
they wont care
no one does
mj Mar 2018
sometimes i feel hopeless
like it's never going to get better
it's been a roller coaster
of ups and downs
mostly downs
i want to get off this ride
too many hills
too many loops
too many abrupt halts
but i can't
i can't get off without hurting someone
what's one person though?
not like i have so many people
who love and adore me
who care and are concerned
i'll give this ride another chance
life is like a never ending rollercoaster
ups and downs and sideways
all i can do is go up, my friend
mj Mar 2018
darkness and void filled her like a glass
being filled with wine
feeling helpless and lost

the world is a dark place for her
it is an empty
black
onyx hole of nothingness
she felt as if she was drowning constantly
feeling like she could never breathe
quite deeply and fully

the worst part
was when she was watching everyone
watching everyone breathe just fine
while she was suffocating

she has no one to save her
no one to throw her a life safer
or a life guard to dive in to save her

she had no one to save her from drowning
in the dark nothingness
called the world

- m

— The End —