i nearly do think

               and dream upon

the wiggling human stuff
the chaff and bile
the sugar and kisses

       i neatly do collect my

unmean thoughts on the
elliptical burning teeth
of life(wherein reposed
days are languished
and animated)i take

                each trembling

hollow vesicle of common
people things and crop
about them me and my
particulars

                    i
do think and bumble
i marvel and revile
(and i should think
after knowing
                          but i
                                  don't
                                          know
                                                 A thing)

you see her eye there angle
so blue so  beautiful
she all you think about
every thing you  
want and every thing you  need
she the one you write song for
but you know u will never sing them to her
how do u tell her u love her and know every
thing about  her

you don't understand at all do you
not truly
you think
I'm a liar
that I still hold the knife
that
stabbed you in the back
[and in the heart]

kinda speechless
that you feel that way
think that way
believe it
untrustworthy? misleading?
false emotions?
can you not read?
here let me try again
maybe I can make it like braille
feel the words

it's like when the clouds stormy eyes
welled up and let fall the
tears of weekend rain
soggy, we laughed along with the thunder
and under our waterfall we let the windows
fog
tell me I lied then

or picture if you will
standing by the tree I
always parked by
it was a starry night, but we didn't see it
we were too focused on our faces
except
why is it I was the only one
drowning in the sadness that overtook my eyes
shaking with each strained, choppy breath
clutching that gray shirt like a life jacket
do you think that was all
for show?

haven't you looked at
my collection of black and white
silly letters scribbled down as fast as possible
trying as hard as I can
to leave it all
on the paper
but it's as if each word I write
is a tattoo
slowly invading every part of my skin
it's sinking in, it's staining everything
do you think this agony I speak of
is fake?

if so
if I am that liar with the knife who
led you astray and "******* you over"
let you down, kicked you around
if you can't seem to
open your eyes
and notice
just how much I love you
just how much I always have

then you don't deserve it

ill run miles for you when I know I only
have the strength for one
but don't you
dare
watch me run
if you don't even grasp
that I stabbed myself in the back
led myself astray

you have a right to
hate the wound
but if you can't see
what I feel
one day
I will learn
that I have to let go
and I will

then all these silly letters
all for you

well. go ahead and throw them away
on that day
they will carry no life
anymore

Thinking about what we were,
Our memories,
Now all a blur,
I wish you meant your sweet lies,
All your "I love you's"
Once my life now the reason for my cries,
Was it really all pretend,
I don't want this to end,
I knew,
Since the moment I met you,
That I'd be madly in love with you,
And I can't believe I have to let go,
This is a love I may never outgrow,
I'm sorry if that makes me insane,
But my heart can't refrain,
I know you think it's plain,
But my heart,
It loved you even when you tore it apart.